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"No one inspired me to write, but writer Harlan Ellison terrified me into getting published . . ."
--Dan Simmons

. . . The Shrike stood immobile on a endless plain of verdant grass on millions of planets in an unending universe. The Shrike was bloody. Once upon a time, I had tried to hang emotions on its silver-bladed chest like medals or badges, but I could no more imagine how it feels anymore than a lowly bug could understand my own . . .

1) THE TERROR (2007) . . . According to the back cover of his new book, 7: The Seven Wonders That Will Change Your Life (9781451625516) 24.99, Glenn Beck is the fourth most admired man in the world. But why stop there? He is a world-reknowned radio and TV host, whose list of awards and accomplishments are much too long to mention here. And dare I say it? Glenn Beck is our 21st century renaissance man. He is equally a virturoso in both the fiction and non-fiction genres. Literary great Brad Thor had this to say about Mr. Beck's last work of fiction, "Glenn Beck has shattered the fiction barrier. The Overton Window (9781451625288) 9.99 is the perfect all-American thriller." And who can forget his brilliant work exposing corruption in our own government with his now iconic title, Glenn Beck's Common Sense: The Case Against an Out-of-Control Government, Inspired by Thomas Paine (9781439168578) 11.99? Without any hyperbole or exaggeration, he lays out in calm detail why the Obama administration is the worst governing body in the history of mankind, or quite possibly any other intelligent race in the entire history of the multi-verse. Co-authored by Dr. Keith Ablow, who is fresh from his stint as John Locke on the ABC-TV series Lost, their new title will be the most important book that you will ever read. I bow before you Mr. Beck . . .

. . . The Shrike sparkled beneath two red suns. The light reflected from the spikes and knives that were liberally sprinkled across its humanoid torso, except of course, where the blood had already dried . . .

2) DROOD (2009) . . . 'A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . .' Oprah's Book ClubTM sold as much as, if not more than, Glenn Beck's reading re- commendations. Her latest selection, the Charles Dickens combo-pack of Tale of Two Cities & Great Expectations (9780142196588) 20.00, was by far my favourite choice. So far, it has been her least popular book club title. I believe there are several reasons for this: a) Mr. Dickens' books are in the public domain. I could purchase each title individually for under five bucks, or I could download them for free from the internet. Or b) Everybody, like me, read them in school. I guess I should give Oprah kudos for trying to educate us.

Odds & Sods

There are a bevy of book releases this week and next. Here's a sampling:

Awakened (House of Night) by P.C. Cast
(9780312650247) 17.99

In Too Deep by Jayne Ann Krentz
(9780399157028) 25.95

The Lost Gate by Orson Scott Card
(9780765326577) 24.99

The Outlaws by WEB Griffin
(9780399156830) 27.95

What The Night Knows by Dean Koontz
(9780553807721) 28.00

Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah
(9780312663155) 14.99

Finally, Fedex is delivering on Friday. UPS, not so much . . .

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"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly . . ."
--Andy Rooney

Dearest Mick--

Chip, my loyal manservant, and I would like to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas. Chip was expecting his YoshibladesTM from the parcel post, but instead, it was your box of Christmas books and presents that had arrived. We were pleasantly surprised by your eclectic selection of titles. Chip poured a glass of 1984 Rouget E. red wine for each of us and then proceeded to burrow through your box.

Chip plucked out Stacy Schiff's Cleopatra (9780316001922) 29.99 from your package. Of course, Chip made a wisecrack about the Queen being my contemporary. That is not true. However, I was a member of Howard Carter's expedition when he discovered the tomb of Tutankhamun. The Curse of King Tut be damned! I have obviously lived a long and fruitful life.

Alex Horowitz's Inside of a Dog (9781416583431) 16.00 was a great choice, too. I took the title literally after watching the TV show 'My Dog Ate What?' Rocks. Coathangers. Glue. You should see some of the things dogs will eat. However, Chip read the back flap and assured me that the book was actually about the mind of a dog. It explains how a dog perceives the world. Mick, you may not be aware but I worked with Cesar Millan for many years on his training methods for dogs. A dog is, after all, man's best friend.

I was a good friend of your namesake. The Mick would do anything for you. He was a good kid. Unfortunately, Mickey had no business sense whatsoever. I really tried to help him out, but it was like beating your head against a brickwall. But I was pleased to see you sent a copy of Jane Leavy's The Last Boy (9780060883522) 27.99. I was one of the 600 interviewees that she met with before writing her book. I am sure it will bring back some fond memories.

I was also a big fan of Jackie O. She was a classy lady. My history with Jackie goes back to spending summers at the Bouvier family estate at 'Lasata.' I believe that she and JFK made an ideal couple. I guess you could say I was way off on that one. William Kuhn's Reading Jackie (9780385530996) 27.95 picks up the narration after the days of Onassis and JFK and dwells on her last years as a book editor. I must admit it brought a tear to my eye.

Happy Holidays,
Charles Edmund Wilson III

Odds & Sods

Hey, how about those Detroit Lions? Two game winning streak, baby! Speaking of Detroit, we're expecting more copies of Dan Austin's Lost Detroit (9781596299405) 24.99 in today. Staying in the Detroit vein, Andrew Moore's Detroit Disassembled (9788862081184) 50.00 is out of stock at the publisher with no expected due date at this time. Also, former Detroit hockey player Bob Probert's autobiography Tough Guy (9781600785627) 24.95 is out of stock although we should have more stock from Triumph in a few days.

Finally, both UPS and Fedex are delivering on Friday . . .

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"The popularity of conspiracy theories is explained by people's desire to believe that there is -- some group of folks who know what they're doing . . ."
--Damon Knight

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

B. Traven Jr. here. You may remember me from the TV show UFO's: The Secret Evidence on your local cable access station, and no, I'm not the bald-headed guy with the goatee. That guy is just completely cuckoo! Ha, ha! I asked Mick if I could sit in for him on the Partners Page this week. Between Wikileaks and Brad Meltzer's new show Decoded, this is such a great time to be a conspiracy theorist. And now we have a book that alludes to the 'Holy Grail of Conspiracy Theories' -- the JFK assassination. The new title is called The Kennedy Detail: JFK's Secret Service Agents Break Their Silence (9781439192962) 28.00 and I think the subtitle just about says it all. I have been waiting 47 years for this book. Of course, if Gerald Blaine claims once again that there was a 'lone gunman' and a so-called 'magic bullet,' I might just go ballistic. Ha, ha!

Now the French haven't had a good conspiracy since the Dreyfuss Affair, which was long before my time, but that hasn't stopped me from enjoying their delicious cuisine. Last year, Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking V1 (9780394721781) 30.00 was the cookbook of the season. This year it is Dorie Greenspan's Around My French Table (9780618875535) 40.00 that is the hot cookbook. It features more than 300 tasty recipes. Nom, nom!

So, was Cleopatra murdered? The Discovery Channel covered this topic in The Mysterious Death of Cleopatra during their Egypt week. Stacey Schiff delves into this and other myths surrounding the Queen of Egypt in her book, Cleopatra: A Life (9780316001922) 29.99. I have spoken with my good friend Dr. Hawass, world reknowned Egyptologist and Master of Egyptian Antiquities, and we are both intrigued by Ms. Schiff's conclusions on her death. Of course, I don't want to make an asp of myself. Ha, ha!

Steve Harvey, who wrote the bestseller Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man (9780061728976) 23.99, has a follow-up called Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man (9780061728990) 24.99. This title wouldn't normally fall in the conspiracy category, but Mr. Harvey is releasing information to women that should require a revocation of his 'man' card. Ha, ha!

Finally, we have the new book, Heaven Is For Real (9780849946158) 16.99 by the Burpo family. Colton Burpo is a young lad who slipped into unconsciousness during surgery and claimed to enter into heaven. He says that Jesus really does love the little children and for the righteous to prepare for the upcoming battle. Of course, it's probably pure coincidence that both of his parents are pastors. Right?

Odds & Sods

Dan Austin's Lost Detroit (9781596299405) 24.99 has been a surprise local bestseller and it is back in stock. Find out what Detroit's landmarks looked like back in their hey-day . . .

I will admit to you that I am not only a Detroit Lions football fan, but I am also a fan of the Cleveland Browns. Talk about a serious cross to bear. And now Terry Pluto has written a book called Things I've Learned From Watching the Browns (9781598510652) 14.95. I can tell you what I've learned: disappointment, heartbreak, frustration, failure, discontent, misjudgment, disillusionment, devastation, false expectations, abuse, traitors and so on . . .

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"You must unlearn what you have learned . . ."
--Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

STONER BILL STRIKES BACK (AGAIN)

I creep down into Double D's dark basement catacombs and I'm overwhelmed with the odor of cheap incense. I peek around the corner and I see Double D sitting Indian style in front of a framed picture of some old guy. The only light in the room comes from a circle of Eat Pray Love^TM candles around the picture.

I'm like, "Duuuuuuuuude, what's goin' on?"

Doctor Delay swivels his head and says quietly, "Hi, Bill, I'm in mourning."

I ask, "Mourning? Is it because former Detroit Tigers and Cincinnati Reds manager Sparky Anderson passed away recently? If so, Partners has a new commemorative book called Sparky Anderson: The Life of a Baseball Legend (9781600785931) 14.95."

"No, Bill, Irvin Kershner, the director of the best Star Wars movie ever, The Empire Strikes Back, died of lung cancer a couple days ago."

In my best Han Solo voice I say, "I know."

Double D looks surprised, "Really?"

"No, not really. I was just imitating that part in Empire when Princess Leia says 'I love you' to Han and Harrison Ford ad-libs . . ."

Double D cuts me off, "Yeah, yeah, I'm familiar with the movie. What's up?"

"Well, I know how you like Oprah, and I thought you might want to hear that she's announcing Oprah Book Club #65 (9780142196588) 20.00 on Monday."

Double D perks up, "Cool. So I guess that means Jonathan Franzen will be on to recap Freedom (9780312600846) 28.00, too."

I add, "I'm thinking so. Also, wha'd'ya think about a canoe trip down the Grand River? I just got this cool book Our Grand Journey: The River We Thought We Knew (9780978505301) 19.99 and the photos look awesome."

Double D looks incredulous, "Seriously? Have you looked outside today? It looks like the planet Hoth out there."

I realize too late that I've talked myself into a cul-de-sac, "As long as the canoe doesn't tip over, we should . . . nevermind."

There's an awkward silence.

Gamely, I continue, "So did you see the new trailer for the HBO series The Game of Thrones (9780553573404) 7.99 by George R.R. Martin? It looks pretty sweet. In fact, it looks kinda Lord of the Ringish. There's no Elvish babes, but whoever plays Cersei looks really hot."

(You can see it here: http://www.slashfilm.com/tv-trailer-game-thrones/ )

There's another awkward silence.

I'm like, "So you wanna watch The Empire Strikes Back on DVD?"

Doctor Delay breaks into a grin, "Duuuuuuuude, get out of my mind."

We race up the stairs and I say, "I call the beanbag chair!"

Odds & Sods

Susan Hertel of Grand Haven is excited about Sarah Kallio's The Stocked Kitchen (9780982356319) 27.00. This is not merely a cookbook, but a cooking system. No matter what the occasion, you will have the perfect ingredients on-hand to make the perfect meal . . .

For our Northern friends, we had Joan Steffend's inspirational And She Sparkled (9780931674839) 16.95 come back in today. And Michael Nordskog's The Opposite of Cold: The Northwoods Finnish Sauna Tradition (9780816656820) 34.95 should be here in the next day or two. Hmmm, Finnish Sauna Tradition, you just can't make this stuff up . . .

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"Groovin' on the freeway, gauge is on the red,
Gun down on my gasoline, I believe I'm gonna crack a head,
Talkin' 'bout love, talkin' 'bout love, talkin' 'bout love
I can't stop talkin' about . . ."
--Trampled Underfoot, Page, Plant, Jones

RAMBLIN' ON
So here we are. We are one day away from Thanksgiving and Black Friday is looming in our rearview mirror like the Peterbilt 281 tanker truck in the movie Duel. It almost feels like we're the passengers in a semi-truck careening down a mountain road and the brakeline has blown out. However, I'm here to cushion your fall and keep you alive in the upcoming weeks. Take a deep breath. It will be all over soon . . .

The National Book Award winners were announced last week. The fiction winner was by Pride-of-Kalamazoo Jaimy Gordon and the title is Lord of Misrule (9780929701837) 25.00. It's not often a Michigan author wins this prestigious award, so we all should get behind this one. We will have stock today. Order up. Also, we did receive more copies of the Young People's Literature winner Mockingbird (9780399252648) 15.99 by Kathryn Erskine. It has the fancy NBA award winner medal embossed on the cover. The paperback edition isn't due until April so we have some time to sell this one, too.

Bully! I know, but it had to be done. Edmund Morris' Colonel Roosevelt (9780375504877) 35.00 has blown out of here right out of the gate. I guess I shouldn't be surprised; after all, Mr. Morris is one of America's pre-eminent historians. Also, Laura Hillenbrand of Seabiscuit fame has a new one out called Unbroken (9781400064168) 27.00, which, unfortunately, isn't about horses, but is an inspiritional story of an American pilot's survival in the Pacific theatre during World War II. Last week, she started to hit the media and the sales show it.

For Cleveland fans only, Gray & Co. is out of stock on Dan Coughlin's Crazy, with the Papers to Prove It (9781598510683) 14.95. We are the only vendor in the country with stock. So over order while you can. And for young Dick Vitale fans, we have Dickie V's ABC's and 1-2-3s (9780984113088) 14.95 audio/boardbook in stock. Will it sell? 'You better believe it, baby!' For Detroit fans only, we had Bob Probert's autobiography Tough Guy (9781600785627) 24.95 come back in. Who's Bob Probert? Only the greatest fighter ever in hockey history. (And yeah, you read that right, it's part of the game, pansies.)

Everyone at Partners would like to wish you a great day off tomorrow and a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Odds & Sods

Is it the wave of the future? To combat the Kindles and the Nooks, it appears that books with unique graphics like Jay-Z's Decoded (9781400068920) 35.00 could be the answer. Oh and be careful if you go to one of his download sites, you might get a virus. Furthermore, children's books like Potato Chip Science (9780761148258) 17.95 will not be easily replicated on e-readers either.

Blade Runner Deckard said,"The report read 'routine retirement of replicant.' That didn't make me feel any better about shooting a Kindle in the back."

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"Let us put our minds together and see what life we can make for our children . . ."
--Sitting Bull

1) FAIR & BALANCED . . . Barack Obama's new children's book, Of Thee I Sing (9780375835278) 17.99, was released yesterday. It's also illustrated by one of our favourite artists, Loren Long. Yesterday, I stumbled upon USA Today's article on the book that featured this headline, 'Obama Shares Dreams for his Kids in Book on 13 Americans.' FoxNation.com used the USA Today article verbatim for their website, but somehow in the interim, the banner with a picture of Chief Sitting Bull nestled next to it became, 'Obama Praises Indian Chief Who Killed U.S. General.' Okay, even as a conservative I would have chuckled at their heavy-handed tactic. However, as a student of American history, I was more offended by the allusion to the Battle of Little Bighorn, and the not one, but two errors in the headline. First of all, George Custer had been reduced in rank to Colonel in the 'peacetime' army, and Sitting Bull didn't even participate in the battle. But hey, why let the truth get in the way of a great headline? You can read it yourself at http://gawker.com/5690436/fox-news-turns-obamas-kid-book-into-anti+american-war-epic .

2) MAMA GRIZZLY . . . Former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin's new reality show Alaska debuted this past week with strong ratings. In fact, it was the best ratings ever for any Discovery Channel show. Ms. Palin certainly has a knack for self-promotion, so I can say without reservations that her new book, America By Heart (9780062010964) 25.99, should hit the top spot on the bestsellers list when it's released next Tuesday. As for watching her show, I think someone on the internet put it best, "I really enjoyed her first reality show 'Running for the Vice-Presidency.' So I'm sure her new show will be just as entertaining."

3) BLACKHAWKS DOWN . . . Triumph Books has really outdone themselves with their new title, One Goal Achieved: The Inside Story of the 2010 Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks (9781600785597) 39.95. In fact, this book is a steal at $39.95. It's a full-colour coffee table book with all kinds of cool paraphernalia, including a facsimile of a Stanley Cup Finals ticket, packets of player scouting reports, and trading cards. I hope they do an identical book for the Detroit Red Wings when they win the Stanley Cup this season . . .

4) KINGDOM COME . . . Jay-Z, arguably one of the biggest names in hip-hop, has released his memoir / history of rap / book of rhymes in his new handsomely illustrated title, Decoded (9781400068920) 35.00. He explains how he goes about crafting his songs and reveals the lyrical references. This book has been selling great out of the gate and should continue through the holidays . . .

Odds & Sods

Mark Twain has been making a lot of personal appearances. In fact, I heard that he presented Tina Fey with his Mark Twain Award this past week. We are expecting more copies of The Autobiography of Mark Twain V1 (9780520267190) 34.95 on Tuesday. Backorders are piling up . . .

She was no Helen of Troy, but I hear Cleopatra was quite the looker back in the day. National Book Award winner Stacy Schiff's bio on Cleopatra (9780316001922) 29.99 will be back in stock today . . .

A quirky little title that you might have missed is Judith Schalansky's Atlas of Remote Islands (9780143118206) 28.00. It's kinda cool . . .

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"In Mexico, you know what they call Twinkies? 'Los submarinos.'"
--Tallahassee from Zombieland

I was surprised at how accurate the TV show based on The Walking Dead #1 (9781582406725) 9.99 really was.

Like Rudy Waltz from Kurt Vonnegut's Deadeye Dick (9780385334174) 14.00, I'm taking potshots with my rifle from the upstairs window of my non-descript house. Unlike Rudy, I'm purposely trying to shoot the zombies wandering around in the daylight on my street. Yeah, you read right -- Zombies. To put them down, you need to hit them with a good, clean headshot. Usually, the undead aren't too active during the daylight hours, but then, loud sounds seem to attract them. Like in Guillermo Del Toro's The Strain (9780061558245) 9.99 and the sequel The Fall (9780061558221) 26.99, the pathogen seems to be some sort of virus that is transmitted either through infected saliva or the blood. I know they were actually vampires in Del Toro's books and Justin Cronin's The Passage (9780345504968) 27.00, but it seems to work the same way. In other words, don't get bitten.

*Crack*

(A zombie head explodes like a watermelon in a bad Gallagher skit.)

"Sorry, John. But it's for the best," I mumble.

It happened so fast. I think it was Wednesday night when I was half-watching former President George W. Bush on Bill O'Reilly's show; he was promoting his new book Decision Points (9780307590619) 35.00, and then the Civil Defense Warning thing kicked in. I put down my copy of Stephen King's Full Dark, No Stars (9781439192566) 27.99 and listened. Paraphrasing here, the CDC basically told civilians to stay in their homes. I looked out my window and I saw that a lot of my neighbors were milling around outside. Some of them were cradling rifles and I could hear gunfire in the distance.

I reloaded my rifle.

*Crack*

(Mrs. Wilson's head snaps backwards and she crumples onto the concrete.)

I know I should probably head for the country, but it wouldn't be right for me to leave my friends and neighbors like this. I hope that they would have done the same for me. I notice my little sister's book on the floor. It's called Zombies Vs. Unicorns (9781416989530) 16.99. I pick the book up, whip it at the wall, and scream, "This ain't a joke!"

I wait for the hyperventilating and the shakes to stop. Then I reload again.

*Crack*

Who would have thought a librarian would last this long in the Zombie Apocalypse? Certainly not me . . .

What Zombies might look like . . .

Schuler Books 2nd Annual Zombie Party

 

Odds & Sods

The lovely and vivacious Melissa Del La Cruz stopped in here last week to sign copies of her latest book, Misguided Angel (9781423121282) 16.99. As usual, it's first come, first served . . .

Former President George W. Bush's Decision Points has been big so far, but Jeff Kinney's Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Ugly Truth (9780810984912) 13.95 has been selling copy for copy. In fact, it's doing so well, you might want to check his backlist . . .

Surprise local bestseller Dan Austin's Lost Detroit: Stories behind the Motor City's Majestic Ruins (9781596299405) 24.99 should be back in stock in about two days. Backorder accordingly.

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"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure . . ."
--Mark Twain

OBSERVATIONS IN THE COLD NOVEMBER RAIN

Tilar Mazzeo, who wrote The Widow Cliquot (9780061288586) 15.99, has returned with her new title The Secret of Chanel No. 5: The Intimate History (9780061791017) 25.99. From the inside flap, "Reverently known among industry insiders as 'le monstre' -- the monster -- it is arguably the most coveted consumer luxury product of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries . . ." Really? This actually reminded me of that old Chris Farley bit, "For those of you who don't habla espanol, El Nino is Spanish for: The Nino." Man, I really miss that guy . . .

The Boneyard is my favorite restaurant in the Detroit area. We're talking spare ribs to die for and not those wimpy baby back ribs. Yum. Speaking of dying, Richard Bak has a new book called Boneyards: Detroit Under Ground (9780814333532) 34.95. This book is chockfull of historical and contemporary photographs of Detroit's finest graveyards. My favourite undertaker Thomas Lynch had this to say, "Boneyards is that rarest of things: a commingling of text and images, so finely wrought and perfectly realized that it produces a permanent gift and indispensible record." Geez Thomas, sign me up for a case.

Oprah had Jerry Seinfeld's wife on last week to promote Double Delicious! Good, Simple Food for Busy, Complicated Lives (9780061659331) 26.99. We have seen a big bump in sales, and so far, no lawsuits for Jerry Seinfeld's wife. Also, Oprah had Ellen DeGenere's wife and author of Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain (9781439177785) 25.99 on Monday's show, and there has been nary a peep. It seemed like the kind of book that her viewers would eat up. Humph . . .

I saved this one for last. Back in the day, when I was young lad, I definitely had a thing for 90210 star Shannen Doherty. Of course this was early on in her career, it was long before the string of bad marriages, fights wth her co-stars, and her drug addictions. She now has a book out entitled Badass: A Hard Earned Guide to Blah Blah Blah (9780307591534) 25.99. She purportedly shows you how to go from being a 'Bad Girl' to being a 'Badass.' Really? So being a spoiled Hollywood actress that nobody wants to work with, including your co-stars on Charmed, qualifies one as being a 'Badass'? I think Red Forman would back me up on this one, "It sounds to me that she's more of a dumbass."

Odds & Sods

First of all, we're starting to get some sizeable backorders on George W. Bush's Decider Points (9780307590319) 35.00, which goes on sale next Tuesday. You might want to check your stock since these types of books tend to sell great out of the gate, but then peter out fairly quickly . . .

I don't usually do this, but I'm such a huge slappy for Paul Clemens and his book, Punching Out (9780385521154) 24.95 that I'm going to post it anyway: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOgDw_xKHq4

Finally, Lego Star Wars Brickmaster (9780756663117) 29.99 might be this year's Lego Star Wars Visual Dictionary (9780756655297) 21.99. Order accordingly.

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"There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be President . . ."
--Kurt Vonnegut

C-SPAN PRESENTS: THE 6 O'CLOCK BOOK NEWS

S.J.: Hi, I'm Sedimentary Jones with today's book news. Amazon.com announced this morning that they have sold a larger unknown quantity of their e-reader, The Kindle, this year than the unknown quantity of Kindles that they had sold last year. Their CEO Jeff Bezos said that Amazon.com hopes to sell a larger unknown quantity of Kindles in the upcoming year. Here's my co-anchor Jon Metamorphic with his segment on Contrast and Burn . . .

J.M.: Thanks, Sandy. Today we have a tale of two titles. Pauline Maier, author of Ratification: The People Debate the Constitution (9780684868547) 30.00 is the William R. Kenan Jr. Professor of American History at MIT, was a Fulbright scholar at the London School of Economics, and has a Ph.D. from Harvard University. On the other hand, we have Broke (9781439187197) 29.99 by Fox News host and high school graduate Glenn Beck, who gives us his interpetation of the U.S. Constitution. Which one will sell better? Call us at 1-800-123-4567 to vote for Ms. Maier's title or 1-800-123-4568 for Mr. Beck.

S.J.: Thanks, Jon. As I'm sure you're all aware, the memoir Decision Points (9780307590619) 35.00 by former President George W. Bush will be released on November 9. What you may not know is that 'The Decider' will kick off his book tour on the Oprah Winfrey Show on the same day. Is this a sign of the Apocalypse? I'm not sure, but I can guarantee you that I will be attending church on the prior Sunday. On a related note, Jonathan 'Franzen Comes Alive' Franzen, author of Freedom (9780312600846) 28.00 was seen Monday at the executive mansion. President Obama made news earlier this year when he received an ARC of Freedom at the Bunch of Grapes bookstore. Mr. Franzen was quoted as saying that the visit was 'delightful.' Back to you Jon . . .

J.M.: Speaking of 'Franzen Comes Alive', Keith Richards is still alive. The Rolling Stones guitarist who had ingested his share of drugs, and your share, and my share, has released a new memoir that features rare photographs from his history-making band. The book is entitled Life (9780316034388) 29.99. In an interview last week on CBS This Morning, he was asked, "Did you have a problem with drugs?" Mr. Richards answered, "No, but the police sure did." (Both news anchors guffaw.) His book is now available at all fine bookstores. So that's all for this week. Have a good night with good news . . .

Odds & Sods

"When the moon is in the Seventh House, And Jupiter aligns with Mars, Then books will guide the planets, And November 2 releases will steer the stars . . ."

Simple Times

by Amy Sedaris

(9780446557030) 27.99

Moonlight Mile

by Dennis Lehane

(9780061836923) 26.99

Towers of Midnight

by Robert Jordan

(9780765325945) 29.99

Atlantic

by Simon Winchester

(9780061702587) 27.99

Edge: A Novel

by Jeffery Deaver

(9781439156353) 26.99

"Aquarius! Aquarius!"

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"Look. There are only two truly great science fiction movies. The first is Stanley Kubrick's 2001, written in collaboration with Arthur C. Clarke. The second is Blade Runner, directed by Ridley Scott and adapted from Philip K. Dick's Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. You may disagree with this statement. You would be wrong. Let's move on . . ."
--Damien Walter, Book Blog

1) DATA'S HEAD . . . If there was one writer that I could go back in time to see and have a conversation with in my Hot Tub Time Machine, it would be without a doubt -- Mark Twain. Now after a hundred years, we are finally getting that opportunity with the release of the Autobiography of Mark Twain Vol. 1 (9780520267190) 34.95. Granted, it's a pretty one-sided conversation, but I suspect that Mr. Twain wouldn't want it any other way. Of course, being kind of a geek, I need to read his book to see if he addresses his visit with Star Trek: The Next Generation's Captain Picard and Guinan. Also, as a known cynic, I want to see if he was as really taken with the future of humanity in the 24th century as he claimed to be on the show. Surprisingly, pre-orders of this title had put it at #1 on Amazon.com, so take that James Patterson. We are already out of stock, but we are expecting more copies early next week. As Jean-Luc Picard once said, "Reports of my assimilation have been greatly exaggerated."

2) VACUUM CLEANER . . . I'm not sure what's happened to Johnathan Rand, but this makes two books in a row that have arrived early. The latest one is American Chiller #30: Vicious Vacuums of Vermont (9781893699250) 5.99, which we are expecting in copious quantities today. The product description reads: 'Brooke Whipkey is in big trouble (in little China). While helping her uncle in his repair shop she and a friend invent a vacuum robot that goes crazy!' Need I say more . . .

3) SNOW ANIMALS . . . Our friends at Sleeping Bear Press have a couple of great children's books featured in this year's GLiBA Holiday Catalogue. Jane Monroe Donovan, who wrote and illustrated Winter's Gift (9781585362318) 16.95, has returned this year with Small Medium & Large (9781585364473) 15.95. It's Christmas and a little girl asks Santa for just one gift: A friend to share her holiday. The answer is sure to bring a tear to your eye. I'm always a sucker for a dog book and First Dog's White House Christmas (9781585365036) 15.95 by J. Patrick Lewis and Beth Zappitello is no exception. The First Dog is back and he's globe trotting to see how dogs in other countries celebrate their holidays. Both of these books are sure to be annual holiday bestsellers, so jump on your Rhodesian Ridgeback and order your copies today . . .

4) WHAT'S HER NAME . . . Belva Plain passed away earlier this week at the age of 95. As always, our heartfelt condolences go out to her friends and family.

2010 Holiday Catalog

It's that time of year again . . . Partners 2010 Holiday Catalog Special
Orders placed from the 2010 GLiBA Holiday Catalogs are eligible for a 43% discount and one return without penalty.
Terms of order special:
--One order only
--Order must be marked 'Catalog Special'
--25 assorted book minimum
Terms of return special:
--One return may be made of titles from the Catalog Special invoice
--Return and packing list must be marked 'Catalog Special'
--Return must be received by 1/31/11

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"Once confined to fantasy and science fiction,
time travel is now simply an engineering problem . . ."
--Michio Kaku, Wired Magazine

1) MASTODONIA (1978) . . . "It must be some kind of Hot Tub Time Machine." Starting with George Pal's The Time Machine, I've always been fascinated by time travel and its implications. Dewey, a manager at Schuler's Books likes to present hypothetical questions to the staff, for example: Who is your favourite Beatle? For me it was Paul when I was young, John Lennon in my teen years, and finally it would be George Harrison at this moment in time. George helped a lot of people out over the years. My Deweyesque question is this: If you had a time machine would you go into the future or the past? For me it would be the past. I would love to see Constantinople circa 600 A.D. In Clifford D. Simak's Mastodonia people do go back in time to start their own country in the Pleistocene era, which leads me to Michael Savage and his new title Trickle Up Poverty (9780062010971) 26.99. Believe it or not, this is probably our bestselling title right now. I would give a time machine to Michael Savage, Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck, and their ilk and they could make their own perfect country in the Pleistocene. It would be a win - win for everyone . . .

2) WHERE THE EVIL DWELLS (1982) . . . I have seen the face of evil and it is Justin Bieber. The already legendary pop star has a new autobiography entitled Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever (9780062039743) 21.99 and it sure to be a bestseller for the pre-teen crowd. Myself, I would take my time machine and find the young Bieber's grandfather. I would then offer him an unconditional one way ticket to our prehistoric past. Viola! Problem solved . . . What the face of evil might look like...

3) OUT OF THEIR MINDS (1970) . . . Becky, our children's book buyer pointed out a great parody of The Giving Tree (9780060256654) 16.99. The Taking Tree (9781442407633) 16.99 is the first children's book that has made me laugh out loud (LOL) in a long time. If Ayn Rand of Atlas Shrugged (9780451191144) 9.99 fame had written a kid's book, this would have been it. In fact, we could take our time machine, swing by 1930 or so, and whisk Ayn off to our Pleistocene colony before she could write any of her books . . .


4) SPECIAL DELIVERANCE (1982) . . . Also, if I could go back in time, I would love to see Detroit Red Wings and Chicago Blackhawk enforcer Bobby Probert beat the crap out of opposing hockey players. Alas, Mr. Probert passed away this past summer, but not before he finished his autobiography Tough Guy (9781600785627) 24.95. Bobby, you will be missed . . .

Odds & Sods

GLiBA was this weekend and it was great to see all my old friends. Blue Balliet, author of The Danger Box (9780439852098) 16.99 was one of the featured luncheon authors. I hadn't realized that her book dealt with Charles Darwin's missing notebooks. We also have signed copies of her book available . . .

My favourite was author Paul Clemens, who sat next to me at the luncheon and wrote Made in Detroit (9781400075966) 13.95. It was a Great Lakes Book Award winner in 2005. His new book, Punching Out (9780385521154) 24.95 isn't due out until January, but I do have a limited amount of ARCs if anyone is interested . . .

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"They say the immigrants steal the hubcaps
Of the respected gentlemen
They say it would be wine an' roses
If England were for Englishmen again . . ."
--The Clash, Something About England

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

B. Traven Jr. here. You may remember me from the History Channel's ratings blockbuster 9/11 Conspiracies: Fact or Fiction, and I bet you can guess what side of the fence I fell on. It certainly wasn't the voice of reason. Ha, ha! Actually I was going over Dave Goldberg's calculations for a space trip to the Earth-like planet Zarmina when Mick called. He said he was packing for GLiBA this weekend and asked if I would write the Partners Page. I said sure but asked if he knew that a matter-antimatter space drive could allow humans to reach this planet in 22.4 years. Mick then claimed that a matter-antimatter space drive does not even exist. I said, "Balderdash!" It has been well-documented that scientists have reverse engineered this space drive from the alien vessel that crashed at Roswell. Ha, ha!

The Social Network is the #1 movie in the country and it is based on Ben Mezrich's book, The Accidental Billionaires (9780307740984) 15.95. Mark Zuckerberg became the 'Accidental Billionaire' with the creation of Facebook. Sorry, Ben, as we well know, there are no 'Accidental Billionaires.' Billionaires can only be made with the approval of their fellow Bilderberg members. Ha, ha!

David Sedaris' new book is Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk (9780316038393) 21.99, which may sound humorous to you, but it's not as far-fetched as you may think. I have proof that geneticists in Sri Lanka have spliced together both squirrel and chipmunk DNA. I believe they called it a Chuirrel. In fact, I know that several of the animals have escaped the test facility and it has become a real-life Island of Dr. Moreau (9780553214321) 4.95 down there. True story.

Meanwhile in merry ol' England, Shelf-Awareness reports: "Jonathan Franzen's overseas tour started bizarrely last week with the recall of Freedom's (9780374158460) 28.00 first UK printing, then got really interesting when a man stole the author's glasses during a book launch in London and then subsequently demanded a US$158,856 ransom. BBC News reported that a 27-year-old man was arrested after a chase that included a helicopter and ended with the glasses thief jumping into the Serpentine lake in London. He 'has since been released with no further action being taken and the glasses have been recovered . . .'" Sounds like there's a book in there someplace. And there is no truth to the rumour that B. Traven Jr. was involved in this caper at all. Ha, ha!

And remember as Robert Heinlein said, "Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny."

Odds & Sods

Blue Balliett, author of the bestselling YA title Chasing Vermeer (9780439372978) 7.99 will be stopping by today to sign copies of her latest book, The Danger Box (9780439852098) 16.99. As usual they will be available on a first come, first served basis.

Vince Flynn's latest American Assassin (9781416595182) 27.99 goes on sale October 12. Fortunately B. Traven Jr. didn't notice this one or we would have had the longest Partners Page ever.

James Archambeault has released Kentucky III (9780929818399) 45.00. As usual his celebration of The Bluegrass State in photos is gorgeous . . .

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"What is this that stands before me?
Figure in black that points at me

Turn around quick, and start to run

Find out I'm the Chosen One, Oh nooooooo . . ."

--Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath

The leaves are starting to turn, there's a cool crispness in the air, and the days are getting shorter. It can only mean one thing: My favourite holiday, Halloween, is right around the corner. I was curious how the name Halloween came about and why Sam spelled it (Hallowe'en) in this months' Book Buzz. Good ol' trusty Wikipedia had the answer:

"The word Halloween is first attested in the 16th century and represents a Scottish variant of the fuller All-Hallows-Even ("evening"), that is, the night before All Hallows Day. Up through the early 20th century, the spelling "Hallowe'en" was frequently used, eliding the "v" and shortening the word."

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE?
Click on: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween

Obviously bookstores are starting to erect their Halloween displays and I have a selected some spiffy titles from our October Book Buzz that you can feature:

Mark Marimen's Haunted Travels of Indiana (9781933272245) 14.95
The author of the 'Haunted Indiana' series is your tour guide.

Kat Tedsen and Bev Rydel's Haunted Travels of Michigan v1 (9781933272184) 14.95
Kat Tedsen and Bev Rydel's Haunted Travels of Michigan v2 (9781933272238) 14.95
Both of these books feature an interactive web site.

Ryan Jacobson's Minnesota Hauntings (9781591933014) 8.95
This is a collection of great ghost stories from the Land of 10,000 Lakes.

Richard Dorson's Bloodstoppers & Bearwalkers (9780299227142) 24.95
This title features folklore and stories from the Upper Peninsula.

Wisconsin Road Guide to Haunted Locations (9780976209911) 14.95
A great book for the beginning paranormal investigator.

Ghost Hunter's Guide to Haunted Ohio (9780962847264) 16.95
The ghost hunter's ghost hunter, Chris Woodyard, shares her best stories.

Odds & Sods

Aubrey, my fiancee finally waded through Ken Follet's Fall of Giants (9780525951650) 36.00. She really enjoyed it, but she decided to read something a little more lighthearted this time around. She settled on Bruce Cameron's A Dog's Purpose (9780765326263) 22.99. Looking anything but purposeful, this is a picture of her on the couch with Lucy and Casey, our two mixed-beagles.

Happy Hallowe'en!

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"pity this busy monster, manunkind . . ."
--e.e. cummings, 1x1

Dearest Mick--

Chip, my beloved manservant, and I were anticipating the delivery of my RascalTM scooter when, to my great surprise, your box of books arrived via the parcel post. Chip had already picked up a 'Glenn Beck '12' bumper sticker to put on the back of my new scooter, so alas, we were a tad disappointed initially. However when Chip plucked out the first book and it was Bill O'Reilly's Pinheads and Patriots (9780061950711) 27.99, our sadness turned to gladness. Of course, Bill has become a little too liberal for our tastes, but we appreciated the thoughtfulness of your selection.

I understand from your accompanying letter that Emma Donoghue stopped by your establishment and signed copies of her Booker Prize nominated title, Room (9780316098335) 24.99. You also mentioned that they are in Partners' 'stash' and customers can buy them on a first come, first served basis. You may be aware that Emma originally hails from Dublin, Ireland. I am not sure if you know that after I graduated from Big Green that I did my graduate work at University College Dublin, and while there I became fast friends with James Joyce. I have been told that he based the character of Stephen Dedalus in Ulysses (9780679722762) 17.95 on myself. Not only could ol' Jimmy drink just about everyone under the table, he could sing like a bird, too. I sure do miss him . . .

I see you've also included Thunder Bay Press' new title, Haunted Travels of Michigan II (9781933272238) 14.95 by Kathleen Tedsen and Beverlee Rydel, as well as, the first Haunted Travels of Michigan (9781933272184) 14.95 by the same authors. I heard that you are a big fan of the TV show 'Ghost Hunters.' Unbeknownst to you, I was the one who trained Jason and Grant and put up the money for their ghost hunting business. The rest is history as they like to say.

Finally, I see that the new Oprah Book ClubTM title is Jonathan Franzen's Freedom (9780312600846 or 9780374158460) 28.00. I taught Jonathan at Swathmore College, and even then, I thought the young lad had a lot of potential. The last time I spoke with him was during that whole Oprah Book Club^TM The Corrections (9780312421274) 16.00 fiasco. I believe my words of wisdom to him were something to the effect of 'do not bite the hand that feeds you.' So obviously I'm glad to see that they have made up. There is nothing wrong with getting fine literature into the hands of the unwashed masses. Thank you again, Mick.

Warmest Regards,

Charles Edmund Wilson III

Odds & Sods

Last Friday, Terry McMillan dropped by to sign Getting to Happy (9780670022045) 27.95, which is the sequel to Waiting to Exhale (9780451215291) 9.99. I'm not sure what I expected, but I must admit she was one of the more enjoyable authors that we've had in here . . .

Becky has a couple of fun book picks for the kids. Poke-A-Dot: Old McDonald's Farm (9781601690241) 12.99 is a board book that has plastic dots on each page. You poke the dot and it sounds like you're popping bubble wrap. It's sure to be annoying for parents but guaranteed to keep a toddler busy for hours. Also, we've been passing Dick & Jane & Vampires (9780448455686) 9.99 around the office and everyone is getting a good laugh . . .

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"The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. [And] you can't masturbate without lust . . ."
--Christine O'Donnell, GOP candidate for Governor of Delaware

1) SELL YOUR SOUL . . . I look at the above quote and I fear for my country. Unfortunately, ignorance and misdirection seem to have exemplified the platforms of our so-called leaders for quite sometime now. In Naomi Oreskes and Erik Conway's Merchants of Doubt (9781596916104) 27.00, we learn that when big business is threatened by scientific fact that they will find scientists for hire to contradict their facts for a fee. A good example: In the 1930s German scientists determined that cigarettes caused lung cancer, so the tobacco industry hired a couple of physicists to refute their findings, and they were obviously quite successful because it took decades for the truth to come out. Big industry would hire these same charlatans again and again on issues like DDT, the ozone hole, the Strategic Defense Initiative, and global warming to sow seeds of doubt in the general public. They were so good at it that Michael Chrichton had one of his characters in State of Fear (9780061782664) 9.99 say, "Banning DDT killed more people than Hitler, Ted. [DDT] was so safe you could eat it." Mmmmm, DDT. I'm going to have a big plate of lemon flavoured DDT for lunch . . .

2) TRAVERSE CITY MADHOUSE . . . Traverse City State Hospital was one of the Big Three mental hospitals in Michigan, the other two were located in Kalamazoo and Pontiac. The Arcadia title, Chris Miller's Traverse City State Hospital (9780738533896) 21.99 has been a good seller for us for years. And so it's no surprise that Dr. William Decker's Batman-sounding Northern Michigan Asylum (9781933926254) 50.00 is going great guns out of the gate. It was only a 2500 copy print run, so get them while you can.

Speaking of craziness, Edward Keye's The Michigan Murders (9780472034468) 22.95, which has been long out of print, is available once again in a tradepaper format. It features a new introduction by noted Michigan author Mardi Link. This is the chilling story of one of Michigan's first serial killers who abducted and killed young co-eds in the 60s.


3) GET TO DA CHOPPA! So what is it with daughters of politicians and book deals? Katherine Schwarzenegger is the author of Rock What You Got (9781401341435) 22.99 and John McCain's daughter Meghan recently released her book, Dirty Sexy Politics (9781401323776) 23.99. So what kind of life lessons can these girls possibly pass on? Should I call the butler by his first name or last? Ridiculous...

Odds & Sods

Big News! President Obama has a new children's book coming out on Noevember 16 called Of Thee I Sing: A Letter to my Daughters (9780375835278) 17.99. Before you jump to any conclusions, I read that he wrote this book before he was elected and any profits will go to a college fund for children of American soldiers. So it's all good. What's even cooler is that the illustrator is Loren Long, the Pride of Joplin, MO and the man behind both The Toy Boat (9780399243745) 16.99 and Otis (9780399252488) 17.99. I love his stuff . . .

Don't forget: Oprah Book Club #64 (9780312600846) 28.00 is announced this Friday.

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"He won't get far on hot air and fantasy . . ."
--Horatio Jackson, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988)

1) THE BROTHERS GRIMM (2005) . . . I would have bought Bruce Kaplan's Monsters Eat Whiny Children (9781416986898) 15.99 for my children if they were younger, but alas, they have outgrown this sort of book. It is for early readers. In a nutshell, it chronicles the story of monsters who have captured whiny children to eat, but the children end up escaping because the monsters are too busy arguing over what recipe that they should use to cook the kids. It is very reminiscent of the tale of the trolls who capture Bilbo in The Hobbit (9780345339683) 7.99. But it's still great fun. Also for the really, really young tykes, I was blown away by the artwork in The Boy and The Moon (9781585365210) 15.95 by James Christopher Carroll. The story's not too shabby either. I think I'll get this one for my nephew . . .

2) TWELVE MONKEYS (1995) . . . The shortlist for the Booker Prize were announced a couple of days ago. This year's titles are:

• Parrot & Olivier in America (9780307592620) 26.95 by Peter Carey
• Room (9780316098335) 24.99 by Emma Donoghue
• In a Strange Room (n/a) by Damon Galgut
• The Finkler Question (n/a) by Howard Jacobson
• The Long Song (9780374192174) 26.00 by Andrea Levy
• C (9780307593337) 25.95 by Tom McCarthy

 The winner will be announced on October 12. Good luck!

 

 3) JABBERWOCKY (1977) . . . These are a mishmash of titles that have been recommended to me over the last week and may have slipped through the cracks. First of all, the top movie at the box office is George Clooney's The American, which was based on Martin Booth's book, A Very Private Gentleman. The title has been reissued as The American (9780312430016) 14.00. Fans of well-written mysteries need look no further than the latest hardcover Vermilion Drift (9781439153840) 25.00 from William Kent Krueger. Mr. Krueger is a huge seller in the Upper Midwest and I keep expecting him to breakout nationally. This might be the book that finally does it. Who knew Jose Saramago had one more book in the tank? Set during the Reformation, his latest book The Elephant's Journey (9780547352589) 24.00 could be his funniest book yet. Deep down inside, I hope, much like Robert Bolano, they will unearth further titles that have never been released. Finally, we have signed copies of Eric Jerome Dickey's Tempted by Trouble (9780525950585) 26.95. First come, first served . . .

Sci-Fi Corner

The winners of the Hugo Awards were announced yesterday and there was a tie for Best Novel. China Mieville's The City & The City (9780345497529) 15.00 and Paolo Bacigalupi's The Windup Girl (9781597801584) 14.95 were the two winners. I really need to read both of these books . . .

Speaking of science fiction, the original cyberpunk, William Gibson, is back in fine form in Zero History (9780399156823) 26.95. He covers the usual, including hacker culture, paranoia, and viral marketing. He also features the Festo Airpenguin: http://www.festo.com/ext/en/12085.htm. Man, I love penguins . . .

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"The Franzen cannot be stopped, only contained . . ."
--Anonymous

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

B. Traven Jr. here. You may remember me from the television show Ancient Aliens on the History Channel. And no, I'm not the guy with the horrible German accent. That's Erich Von Daniken (and there should be two little dots above the 'a' in Daniken). That nut should have been locked up years ago. Ha,ha!

Mick asked if I could set aside my latest project, the book The Franzen Factor, and write this week's Partners Page. I said, "Mick, no problem. You're a great guy and I'm always willing to help you out." Also, my latest book The Franzen Factor is tangentially related to a huge new release in the book business called Freedom (9780374158460) 28.00 by Jonathan Franzen. My hypothesis is that Jonathan Franzen and Detroit Red Wings forward Johan Franzen were separated at birth. Jonathan set out to control the world of literature and Johan has dominated the NHL. Their appearances are uncannily similar:

As a colleague mentioned, one of them is the brains and the other is the brawn. And with Oprah Winfrey retiring soon, she will no longer be the dominatrix of publishing and Jonathan Franzen will be able to move into that power vacuum. Look out James Patterson. Ha, ha!

Speaking of Oprah Winfrey, she will have at least one last hurrah with her book club. Oprah Book Club #64 (9780312600846) 28.00 will be announced on September 17. I understand Partners is getting alot of backorders, so I would put my order in as soon as possible. The real question is: What will Oprah do next? If you're interested, I am exploring her myriad possibilities in my upcoming title, The Last Empress. Available soon at all fine bookstores. Ha, ha!

David Limbaugh, Rush's brother, has caught the tiger by the tail in his new book, Crimes Against Liberty (9781596986244) 29.95. We're talking conspiracy theorist heaven here. I'm sure he touches on the FEMA Death Camps for Conservatives, the Death Panels in the Healthcare Bill, and the attempt by Muslims to create a new Mecca at Ground Zero. Also, there are Average Joes like former Congressman Dick Armey, author of Give Us Liberty (9780062015877) 19.99, and creator of the grassroots organization, the Tea Baggers, to call out President Obama on his diabolical schemes to turn us into Cuba. Ha, ha!

And remember as Robert Heinlein said, "Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny."

Sci-Fi Corner

The guy standing in for Robert Jordan, Brandon Sanderson has begun a new fantasy series with the first book, The Way of Kings (9780765326355) 27.99. If you like fantasy, he's the best thing since George R.R. Martin.

The Millennium Falcon, the ship that set the record on the 18-parsec Kessel Run is now in glorious 3-D. Millenium Falcon: YT-1300 (9780545210386) 21.99 has been broken down by section in this new title. And yes, Han shot first.

I've been doing some informal research, and it appears to me that more adults are reading Suzanne Collin's Mockinjay (9780439023511) 17.99 than children. We have copies in the stash . . .

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It's not often that I get to break out the 'World's Smallest Violin', but Julia Robert's comments on her acting in Eat Pray Love (9780143118428) 16.00¹ is the perfect opportunity. This is from Contactmusic.com and Ms. Robert's own gaping maw: "But the constant eating on takes took its toll on Roberts, who almost began crying after one tough day on the set. She says, 'I was really hot that day. I was almost in tears . . . It's always the things that you don't think are going to require any acting that required the most acting.'"

Speaking of gaping maws, what the heck has happened to Laura Schlessinger? I don't want get into the political aspects of her recent comments from her show, although I would recommend that she look a little more into the history of the First Amendment since she seems determined to wave it around like a loaded pistol, but I did see a photo of Dr. Laura today and . . . My God, Man! She looks worse than the 'The Crypt Keeper' from those Creepshow movies. I also learned that Dr. Laura does not have a doctorate in either psychology or psychiatry, but instead, in physiology, which is the study of living systems. So she's really no more qualified to dispense advice to anyone than me or you. Alright, on to books . . .

Apparently I have the Midas' touch. Robert O'Connell's The Ghosts of Cannae (9781400067022) 27.00, who I don't believe is related to Jerry O'Connell, and Jon Falk's If These Walls Could Talk (9781600783302) 22.95 are two titles that I've had perched on my desk. We sold out of both of them yesterday. Of course, The Ghosts of Cannae features the Carthaginian General Hannibal's greatest victory over the Roman Republic, and the reviews have been glowing. If These Walls Could Talk highlights the personal stories by Jon Falk, the longtime equipment manager for the Michigan Wolverines football team. He will be autographing at The M-Den on September 2. We should have more stock in a few days . . .

Also, Bruce Cameron's A Dog's Purpose (9780765326263) 22.99 has been flying out of here. There are a lot of similarities between this title and The Art of Racing in the Rain (9780061537967) 14.99 by Garth Stein. Dogs, reincarnation, Incan gold, etc. So this one should be an easy handsell for the fans of Mr. Stein's book. The other title that has been going like gangbusters has been Pat Kirwan's Take Your Eye Off the Ball (9781600783913) 16.95, which delves into the intricacies of football. Ceterum Carthaginem esse delendam . . .

¹ Inexplicably, the Julia Robert's cover of Eat Pray Love is a dollar more.

Odds & Sods

Rumor has it that we will have our shipment of Jonathan Rand's American Chiller #28: Curse of the Connecticut Coyotes (9781893699748) 5.99 tomorrow. The kiddies have been waiting for this one . . .

While our Minnesota friends are waiting to see if Brett Favre is returning, they might want to thumb through Patricia Overson's Minnesota Minutia (9780878393619) 9.95. There are tons of fun facts like: Austin is the home of Spam luncheon meat, and the lift bridge in Duluth lifts about 5,500 times a year. As the Dandy Warhols once said, "If I found my way to Minnesoter . . ."

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"A conservative government is an organized hypocrisy . . ."
--Benjamin Disraeli

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

B. Traven Jr. here. You may remember me from the television show Ancient Aliens on the History Channel. And no, I'm not that guy on there with the Albert Einstein hair. That guy is a whacko. At any rate, Mick asked me to take a break from investigating the suspicious circumstances surrounding former Senator Ted Steven's death for my upcoming book, The Suspicious Circumstances Surrounding Former Senator Ted Steven's Death. Ha, ha!

The title of Jon Falk's If These Walls Could Talk (9781600783302) 22.95 definitely intrigued me. The CIA has been working on 'Smart Walls' for years, and I thought this may be the exposé that I was waiting for, but instead, it's actually a book about the Michigan Wolverines' football team. From what I gather, Jon Falk is their long-time equipment manager, and he shares some of the 'insider' stories about the Michigan program and their star athletes that go all the way back to the Bo Schembechler era. If you like football, this book is for you.

In my last book Blue Helmets, I detailed the conspiracy by members of our government and the United Nations to usurp control of our country. Gary Shteyngart's new novel Super Sad True Love Story (9781400066407) 26.00 takes it one step further. In the near future, the United States is no better than a Third World nation, crippled by debt and a populace distracted by pop culture. Of course, Bruce Sterling covered this same territory about ten years ago in his book, Distraction (9780553576399) 7.99. However, Gary's book has a great love story in it, if you're into that kind of thing. Ha, ha!

Agates, agates, agates. There seems to be a bumper crop of rock-oriented books this year. Agates were often used by ancient cultures in the art of hardstone carvings. The Knossos site in Crete shows that agates played a major role in Bronze Age Minoan culture, which some scholars believe was the inspiration for Plato's Atlantis. My good friend Scott Wolter has a new book out called Amazing Agates (9780979200694) 9.95. I, of course, am more familiar with his work on The Kensington Rune Stone (9781581755626) 29.95. The Kensington Rune Stone was found in a farmer's field in Minnesota and is purported to be covered with Viking glyphs. Scott is convinced that the Stone is legitimate and that Vikings penetrated as far as the Midwest in their explorations. The other new rock books are: the Lynch's Michigan Rocks & Minerals (9781591932390) 14.95, Kevin Gauthier's Lake Huron Rock Picker's Guide (9780472033676) 15.95, and Karen Brzys's Agates Inside Out (9781891143977) 22.95.

Mick should be back from his alien abduction in time for next week's Partners Page. He should check out this website: www.stopabductions.com . It should help. Ha, ha! And as Bob Heinlein said, "Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny."

Odds & Sods

We have limited quantities on a couple of autographed titles. The two books are Kelley Armstrong's Waking the Witch (9780525951780) 25.95 and Darci Hannah's The Exile of Sara Stevenson (9780345520548) 15.00. Ms. Hannah hails from Brighton, Michigan, so show her some love if you can and carry her book.

Like many of you, I grew up watching Bozo the Clown. And now, Larry Harmon, the original Bozo, has written his autobiography The Man Behind the Nose (9780061896477) 25.99. Also, the guy who played his sidekick Mr. Houdini was our assistant principal in high school. He is the only teacher I ever knew who drove a Corvette.

Cool story, bro' . . .

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*News From the Glamorous World of Bookselling*

"So there's a great life lesson in [Eat Pray Love] for all of us: When this old world starts getting you down, just shirk all your responsibilities and run away, and everything will turn out fine. And if Italian pizza and Javier Bardem are out of your price range, there's always Papa John's and the flirty delivery boy to make your life complete . . ."
--TheOpinionatedB at www.rantrave.com

Dearest Mick--

Chip, my loyal manservant, and I were awaiting the delivery of the new Justin Bieber™ CD when, instead, your collection of suggested reading material arrived. Unfortunately, there was not a Justin Bieber™ biography in the box, so I guess Chip will have to wait on his tattoo. He claims the Clay Aiken tattoo on his arm is lonely and needs a friend. As you may have surmised, Chip does have quite an imagination.

According to your enclosed letter, you said that Stieg Larsson's trio of books, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (9780307454546) 14.95, The Girl Who Played with Fire (9780307454553) 15.95, and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest (9780307269997) 27.95, are the 'hottest things in the universe.' I understand that the Swedish film versions of the first two books are available, so I have asked Chip to brush up on his Swedish. I am not a big fan of subtitles. Speaking of Swedish films, I was cast to play Death in Ingmar Bergman's The Seventh Deal, but I broke both of my legs in a freak polo accident a day before filming was to begin and I had to pass.

Your next selection Sam Kean's The Disappearing Spoon: And Other True Tales etc. etc. (9780316051644) 24.99 appears intriguing. I really enjoyed Theodore Gray's The Elements (9781579128142) 29.95 which seems to be the ideal companion for the stories in Mr. Kean's book. I know my good friend Madame Curie would have relished it. If only she had realized the dangers of radiation. God bless her.

Chip is excited about S. C. Gwynne's Empire of the Summer Moon: Quanah Parker & the Rise and Fall of the Comanches (9781416591054) 27.50. Sometimes he likes to dress-up in buckskin and play the Tonto to my Lone Ranger. It harkens us back to a simpler time. "Hi-ho Silver!"

I see that Carl Hiaasen has a new one, Star Island (9780307272584) 26.95. I have always savored the hijinks implicit to any of Mr. Hiaasen's books. From what I gather, the main character's name is Cherry Pye, which reminded me of that song you used to sing all the time when you were a young lad. I had Chip google it on his laptop and he believes I am referring to the song 'Cherry Pie' by the band Warrant. It does have a catchy hook. Once again, thanks for the books and I hope to see you soon.

Warmest Regards,
Charles Edmund Wilson III

Odds & Sods

Glittering vampires are back! Stephenie Meyer's Breaking Dawn (9780316067935) 14.99 is now available in a tradepaper edition. Anne Rice, the person who we can blame for emo vampires, has fallen back into her pagan ways and is planning on resurrecting Lestat in her next book. I have to admit that I am curious.

We also have the new Thunder Bay Press book, Sooper Yooper: Environmental Defender (9781933272269) 17.95 by Mark Heckman & Mark Newman. Sooper Yooper battles exotic invasive species in the Great Lakes. This is a great book for children to learn about these creatures who endanger the future of our lakes.

 
Call Partners First!  800-336-3137

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"What I'm alarmed to find in meditation is that my mind is actually not that interesting a place after all . . ."
--Elizabeth Gilbert

Hey Dudes and Dudettes, Stoner Bill here. My little bro' was on one of his geek forums and he saw that R.A. Salvatore is signing in Chicago on October 5. He's promoting his title Gauntlgrym (9780786955008) 27.95, which unfortunately, I don't believe is a Drizzt book. But you know Salvatore's stuff is still bad*ss. So I'm thinking road trip. First, I gotta call Doctor Delay, my brother by another mother, and see if we can use his wheels.

So it went like this on the phone, "Hey, Mrs. D, is Double D around?"

And she's like, "Hi Bill, I think he's downstairs but he asked not to be disturbed, especially by you. Did you boys have a falling out?"

And I'm like, "No, news to me."

And she's like, "Well, there's something weird going on. He's insisted that I read Elizabeth Gilbert's Committed (9780670021659) 26.95 . . ."

I blurt out, "Oh, crap! Mrs. D, I'll be right over."

Man, this was looking worse than I could have possibly imagined. It had taken me months to wean Double D off of his Oprah obsession and now, with Elizabeth Gilbert's new movie based on her book, Eat, Pray, Love (9780143038412) 15.00 due out any day, I was afraid it would begin again.

I ran down the street, I greeted Mrs. D at the door, and then I scrambled down the basement stairs. It was far worse than I could have anticipated. The basement air reeked of Eat Pray Love™ incense. Doctor Delay was in the lotus position in the middle of an Eat Pray Love™ prayer mat, which was encircled by Eat Pray Love™ scented candles. Eat Pray Love™ Tibetan prayer flags were hung on the walls.

I'm like, "Dude, what happened?"

He's like, "Bill, I don't expect you to understand. I have joined Elizabeth Gilbert on her spiritual journey of self-discovery."

I notice the Eat Pray LoveTM prayer beads around his neck and say, "So do you find enlightenment through buying as many of her products as possible? C'mon Double D, I would find this whole thing a lot more believable if she hadn't submitted her book proposal first, grabbed the $200,000 advance, and then went on her little shindig."

He's like, "I knew you wouldn't understand . . ."

I'm angry, "No, Dude, you're out of order! Why can't you become obsessed with Mortenson's Three Cups of Tea (9780143038252) 16.00 or Jackson's The Price of Stones (9780670021840) 25.95?! These are people that are helping their fellow humans and not just on their own self-absorbed narcissistic journey!," I catch my breath, "Whoa, where did that come from?"

I change my tone, "So, you want to see R.A. Salavatore in Chicago?"

Odds & Sods

I'm still trying to figure out what's going on with this whole Andrew Wylie rights thing. I'm not a twitterer normally. But I did stumble upon this: http://twitter.com/EvilWylie It did make me laugh . . .

If you like Stoner Bill, you'll also like Michigan Rocks & Minerals (9781591932390) 14.95, which is back in stock and Lake Huron Rock Picker's Guide (9780472033676) 15.95, which is selling well. Partners will leave no stone unturned . . .

The summer season is starting to wind down, but there is still enough time to sell Sleeping Bear Press' Diary of a Michigan Kid (9781585365234) 9.95. It might keep the kids off your back for a week or two . . .

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"Admiration and familiarity are strangers . . ."
--George Sand

If M. Night Shyamalan wrote books with a twist . . .

From the Mind of M. Night Shyamalan . . .

Aimee Bender brought you her latest foray in magical realism with her bestselling hit, The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake (9780385501125) 25.95. And now, M. Night Shyamalan takes it one step further in The Peculiar Power of Chocolate Cake. The pastor's young daughter inexplicably leaves half-eaten slices of chocolate cake around their house. But when aliens invade their isolated home, the family discovers that chocolate cake is the one chink in their armor. Is this a 'sign' from God?

You may have thought that Justin Halpern's Sh*t My Dad Says (9780061992704) 15.99 was the funniest book of the year, hands down. However, you would be wrong. M. Night Shyamalan has written the even funnier follow-up Nice Things My Mom Says. It's guffaws galore when his meddling mother says things like, "Yes, 'little blue boy with the arrow on your head', M. will be out shortly to play. He's just getting ready for his busy day." Or "Of course 'Lady in the Water', you can have some more soda pop." Don't miss out on the hilarity. It's sure to ensue . . .

Glenn Beck took the bestseller lists by storm with his 'first' attempt at fiction in The Overton Window (9781439184301) 26.00. B&N said, "[A]n intense visionary political thriller that describes the rise of a totalitatian America." Mr. Shyamalan responds with his own political satire The Bathroom Door. The last time we saw M. Night Shyamalan in the bathroom, he had locked a 7 foot tall alien inside. This time he has accidentally released a neurotoxin into the Mid-Atlantic region that he had created in his bathtub. The neurotoxin causes liberals with the 'Patchouli gene' to commit suicide. It is the action packed thriller of the year . . .

After yet another appearance on Oprah, Geneen Roth's self-help diet book, Women, Food, and God (9781416543077) 24.00 has resurged to #1 on most bestseller lists. To capitalize on this craze, Mr. Shyamalan presents his own take on dieting with Women, Food, and Ghosts. Nine year old Cole Sears can see fat, dead people, and with the help of child psychologist Malcolm Crowe, Cole has his plump poltergeists 'Sweatin' to the Oldies' so they can squeeze through St. Peter's pearly gates . . .

Odds & Sods

Courtesy of Thunder Bay Press, ghost hunter extraordinare Mark Marimen has supplied us with a new collection of spectral shenanigans in his new release, Haunted Travels of Indiana (9781933272245) 14.95. Mr. Marimen is the foremost ghost hunter in the Indiana and his previous books,
Haunted Indiana (9781882376384) 14.95,
Haunted Indiana II  (9781882376711) 13.95,
Haunted Indiana III (9781882376810) 13.95, and
Haunted Indiana IV (9781933272054) 14.95 are still great sellers.

Holy cow! The oft-delayed Lake Huron Rock Picker's Guide (9780472033676) 15.95 is finally here! Order it before it's too late! Or before I break my exclamation mark button on my keyboard!

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"And Daddy won't you take me back to Muhlenberg County,
Down by the Green River where Paradise lay,
Well, I'm sorry my son, but you're too late in asking,
Mister Peabody's coal train has hauled it away . . ."
--John Prine, Paradise

1) THE FOUNTAINS OF PARADISE (1979) . . . I guess our reality is that new books by reality stars do sell well. Kendra Wilkinson, who is best known for being one of Hugh Hefner's ex-girlfriends, now has her own show. It's on the E! channel and it's creatively entitled Kendra. Before you think less of me, as if that's possible, the only reason I know anything about her show is from watching The Soup mercilessly mocking it. Kendra's book is called Sliding into Home (9781439180914) 25.00 and the reprint is due on July 19. Dave posed an interesting question: Is it more likely that Kendra penned her own book or Ozzy Osbourne actually wrote I am Ozzy (9780446569897) 26.99? Hmmmm . . . Now I know Tori Spelling must have written her own book, Uncharted Territori (9781439187715) 25.00 because I saw her go to school on 90210 and she was a really good student. Believe it or not, her title has hit all of the bestseller lists . . .

2) IMPERIAL EARTH ( 1975) . . . Every time I think that The Lego Star Wars Visual Dictionary (9780756655297) 21.99 has run its course - Boom! - it takes off again. We currently have stock, but I can't guarantee that they will be around for long. Also Becky, our esteemed children's book buyer has pointed out that the Star Wars: The Clone Wars Character Encyclopedia (9780756663087) 16.99 flew out of here. Another batch is here and it is already flying out the door. Whenever I see this new Star Wars stuff, I'm reminded of the Bill Murray's lounge singer character from Saturday Night Live singing, "Hey, remember this hit from 1977 . . . Starrrrr Warrrrrs . . . everybody's diggin' those Starrrrr Warrrrrs . . ." Oh, and speaking of nerds, the Queen of the Geeks, Olivia Munn has her new one, Suck It, Wonder Woman! (9780312591052) 23.99. In case you were wondering, Ms. Munn is the star of G4's Attack of the Show and she's a recent addition to The Daily Show. I've also heard that the dust jacket doubles as a centerfold. Allegedly . . .

3) THE HAMMER OF GOD (1993) . . . George Steinbrenner was an internet star before there was actually an internet. His tussles with Billy Martin and Reggie Jackson have become the stuff of legend. We were saddened to learn that Mr. Steinbrenner passed away yesterday. Bill Martin's Steinbrenner: The Last Lion of Baseball (9780061690310) 26.99 could not have been more timely. Unfortunately, my impression of Mr. Steinbrenner will always be linked to George Costanza from Seinfeld. And it's not a favorable one . . .

Odds & Sods

Sleeping Bear Press has a nice, new little adventure series for young adults called I, Q by Roland Smith. I, Q: Independence Hall (9781585363254) 8.95 came out a couple of years ago and we now have the sequel, I, Q: The White House (9781585364565) 8.95. Roland Smith has been compared to an Ian Fleming for teens and so, for all of you who complain there's no books for teen boys, here ya go . . .

Also, Wendy Ulmer's Zero, Zilch, Nada: Counting to None (9781585364619) 16.95 is a cute picture book for the younger crowd. Sometimes math can be fun . . . Right?

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*And Robert Heinlein Super Quiz*

"He succeeded in being considered totally uninteresting. People left him alone. And that was all he wanted . . . "
--Patrick Suskind, Perfume (9780375725845) 13.95

1) THE ROLLING STONES (1952) . . . I don't want to sound aggrandizing, but Agates: Inside Out (9781891143977) 22.95by Karen Brzys will become an ageless classic. It is an aggregate of all her previous research and her first book, Finding & Understanding Agates. I was truly agape and agog at the stunning full-colour photographs. I don't mean to agitate, but there is no need to agonize. Anyone interested in geology will aggressively pursue this title, again and again . . .

a) There have been only two father and son duos who have been awarded the Medal of Honor. Can you name them?

2) THE DOOR INTO SUMMER (1957) . . . (Best read in Liberace's voice) Debra Frasier, who wrote the now legendary On the Day You Were Born (9780152579951) 17.00, was inspired by her visits to the Minnesota State Fair to produce the fan-tas-tic A Fabulous Fair Alphabet (9781416998174) 16.99. You can also follow Frasier's Alphabet Letter Treasure Hunt on http://www.debrafrasier.com/. I wish my brother George were here.

b) This noted scientist and occultist attempted to establish the first national library in England in 1556. Who was he?

3) TIME ENOUGH FOR LOVE (1973) . . . I'm not sure if a book is still considered a sleeper after we've sold out of it two times, but David Nicholl's One Day (9780307474711) 14.95 has done just that. The story of two lovers over the course of twenty years who meet once a year on the same day. It's a book that reads like a movie. In fact, the movie is already in development. I was trying to imagine who would play the leads. Hmmmm . . . Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan? Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan? Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? Elizabeth Gilbert and John Goodman? Melissa Gilbert and Lorenzo Lamas? I guess I could go on and on. However the publisher is out of stock on this one, so we're looking at early next week on the third reorder. Backorder accordingly . . .

c) A well known children's author wrote the hit 'A Boy Named Sue' for Johnny Cash. Who was he?

Answers

First of all, before we get to the Answers, we did just get a slurp of S.C. Gwynne's Empire of the Summer Moon (9781416591054) 27.50 back in stock. This title was featured on NPR a week or two ago . . .

a) The father and son duos who received the Medal of Honor were Arthur & Douglas MacArthur, and Teddy Roosevelt & Theodore Roosevelt, Jr.

b) Doctor John Dee, who is also a character in Michael Scott's The Alchemyst (9780385736008) 8.99.

c) Shel Silverstein wrote songs for several musical artists, including: Loretta Lynn, Dr. Hook, and Emmylou Harris . . .