"What I'm alarmed to find in meditation is that my mind is actually not that interesting a place after all . . ."Hey Dudes and Dudettes, Stoner Bill here. My little bro' was on one of his geek forums and he saw that R.A. Salvatore is signing in Chicago on October 5. He's promoting his title Gauntlgrym (9780786955008) 27.95, which unfortunately, I don't believe is a Drizzt book. But you know Salvatore's stuff is still bad*ss. So I'm thinking road trip. First, I gotta call Doctor Delay, my brother by another mother, and see if we can use his wheels.
So it went like this on the phone, "Hey, Mrs. D, is Double D around?"
And she's like, "Hi Bill, I think he's downstairs but he asked not to be disturbed, especially by you. Did you boys have a falling out?"
And I'm like, "No, news to me."
And she's like, "Well, there's something weird going on. He's insisted that I read Elizabeth Gilbert's Committed (9780670021659) 26.95 . . ."
I blurt out, "Oh, crap! Mrs. D, I'll be right over."
Man, this was looking worse than I could have possibly imagined. It had taken me months to wean Double D off of his Oprah obsession and now, with Elizabeth Gilbert's new movie based on her book, Eat, Pray, Love (9780143038412) 15.00 due out any day, I was afraid it would begin again.
I ran down the street, I greeted Mrs. D at the door, and then I scrambled down the basement stairs. It was far worse than I could have anticipated. The basement air reeked of Eat Pray Love™ incense. Doctor Delay was in the lotus position in the middle of an Eat Pray Love™ prayer mat, which was encircled by Eat Pray Love™ scented candles. Eat Pray Love™ Tibetan prayer flags were hung on the walls.
I'm like, "Dude, what happened?"
He's like, "Bill, I don't expect you to understand. I have joined Elizabeth Gilbert on her spiritual journey of self-discovery."
I notice the Eat Pray LoveTM prayer beads around his neck and say, "So do you find enlightenment through buying as many of her products as possible? C'mon Double D, I would find this whole thing a lot more believable if she hadn't submitted her book proposal first, grabbed the $200,000 advance, and then went on her little shindig."
He's like, "I knew you wouldn't understand . . ."
I'm angry, "No, Dude, you're out of order! Why can't you become obsessed with Mortenson's Three Cups of Tea (9780143038252) 16.00 or Jackson's The Price of Stones (9780670021840) 25.95?! These are people that are helping their fellow humans and not just on their own self-absorbed narcissistic journey!," I catch my breath, "Whoa, where did that come from?"
I change my tone, "So, you want to see R.A. Salavatore in Chicago?"
Odds & Sods
I'm still trying to figure out what's going on with this whole Andrew Wylie rights thing. I'm not a twitterer normally. But I did stumble upon this: http://twitter.com/EvilWylie It did make me laugh . . .
If you like Stoner Bill, you'll also like Michigan Rocks & Minerals (9781591932390) 14.95, which is back in stock and Lake Huron Rock Picker's Guide (9780472033676) 15.95, which is selling well. Partners will leave no stone unturned . . .
The summer season is starting to wind down, but there is still enough time to sell Sleeping Bear Press' Diary of a Michigan Kid (9781585365234) 9.95. It might keep the kids off your back for a week or two . . .