Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them . . ."
--Mark Twain
Overheard in a bookstore:
"I'm looking for the fourth book in the Fifty Shades series."
"There are only three books in the series."
"No, I've seen it."
"Where'd you see it?"
"At Walmart."
"What was it called?"
"It was called the Fifty Shades Trilogy (9780345804044) 47.85."
" . . . . "

1) THE SIRENS OF TITAN . . . As of a month ago, I had never even heard of Gillian Flynn, and now, her book Gone Girl (9780307588364) 25.00 is atop just about every bestsellers list. As Yakoff Smirnoff would say, "I love this country." To capitalize on this unadulterated frenzy, it may behoove you to stock her first two novels. Gillian's first novel, Sharp Objects (9780307341556) 14.00 dealt with a serial killer running amuck in a Missouri town. In her second one, Dark Places (9780307341570) 14.00, a woman whose testimony had convicted her brother of the grisly murder of their family investigates whether he really did slay their family as part of a Satanic ritual. Now I do understand why Stephen King is such a big fan of her work. It's a bit on the macabre side . . .

2) HOCUS POCUS . . . As of a couple of days ago, I had never heard of Chris Colfer, the author of Land Of Stories: The Wishing Spell (9780316201575) 17.99. I'm not trying to be a hipster here, but I have never watched the Fox-TV's ratings blockbuster Glee, and apparently, Mr. Colfer is a cast member, who plays a student named Kurt Hummel. Normally, I would disregard this title right there, but the reviews have been laudatory, and we have already sold out of our first shipment. We received another slurp of books yesterday, and those are almost gone, too. Go figure . . .

3) BLUEBEARD . . . Now I have heard of this guy: George R.R. Martin. What I hadn't heard until Monday was that the paperback releases of A Dance With Dragons (9780553385953) 18.00 trade paper and (9780553582017) 9.99 have been delayed, yet again, until March 26, 2013. I have been told it was delayed to coincide with the DVD release of the second season of the HBO series, which I understand. But hey, Random House, how about a little more advance warning next time so we can at least take down the new release posters, eh?

Odds & Sods

Karen and Darrin Brege had been on hiatus, but they have returned with a vengeance in their sixth installment of their series, Mick Morris Mythsolver: Threatening Thunderbirds! (9780977411986) 6.99. If you have fans of Jonathan Rand's Chiller books, they'll want this one, too . . .

I thought Carl Sams had milked his cash cow, Stranger In The Woods (9780967174808) 19.95, as much as he possibly could, but I was wrong. We are now stocking Creative Learning Activities' Stranger In The Woods Activity Book (9780971269262) 24.95. I will file it on my book shelf next to the 3D book, DVD, stuffed animals, CD, etc.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"You'll hunt me. You'll condemn me. You'll set the dogs on me. Because that's what needs to happen. Because sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded . . ."
--The Batman, The Dark Knight
(The Case of the Ancient Alien Astronauts)

I say in a low, raspy voice, "I am the Biblioman. *cough* *cough* Geez, how does Christian Bale do *cough* that? Man, that's really uncomfortable. *cough* Alright, no more of that."

I continue in my normal tone, "Sorry, I am from the Time Tomes on the planet K'leg'usgh. My planet was engulfed by our sun when it went supernova. In the nick of time, I escaped in a rocket ship and eventually landed in Holt, Michigan, on your planet Earth. I soon learned that under your yellow sun, I had acquired powers beyond that of mere mortals. Not only can I read faster than any human being, but my editing skills are second to none. Yes, my friends, I have become the unofficial Defender of Readers Everywhere! I am able to locate a dangling participle at a single glance, I can eliminate a typographical error with a single stroke, and all literary lawbreakers cower in fear before me. I have eradicated many evil doers, such as The Incinerator, The Silverfish, and e-Bookman, with The Elements of Style (9780205309023) 9.95 and The Chicago Manual of Style (9780226104201) 65.00 as my only weapons.

"Working at Partners Book Distributing, my alter-ego Robert Grey, who is not in any way related to the main character in the Fifty Shames of Earl Grey (9780306821998) 13.99, which is a hilarious parody of the Fifty Shades series. As Robert Grey, Sam wanted me to mention that Caryn Mirriam-Goldberg's Divorce Girl (9781888160666) 19.95, which we distribute, is favorably reviewed in the upcoming Publisher's Weekly. I know Divorce Girl sounds like it could be the name of my sidekick, but I have yet to acquire one.

"If I were part of a duo, we would be as big as 1992 U.S. Olympic Basketball team as portrayed in Dream Team (9780345520487) 28.00 by Jack McCallum. I almost invited James Rollins, who stopped in Partners to sign our copies of Bloodline (9780061784798) 27.99, to join me in my never-ending battle against evil, but he already has a very full plate, and crime fighting is not a part-time job.

"My current nemesis is Newsprintman, who you may know as media mogul Rupert Murdoch. He is using his splotchy print powers to blacken the reputations of his enemies. His nefarious scheme must be stopped. I left my Library of Solitude and I leapt across rooftops until I arrived outside the Fox News headquarters. I strode through the front doors, and suddenly a phalanx of his lackeys were upon me like booksellers at a booth full of free ARCs."

Uh, no! Could this be the end for Biblioman!?

Odds & Sods

Well, the good news is that sea piracy is down this year, but the bad news is that we lost a few authors this week. Stephen R. Covey, author of the megaseller 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (9780743269513) 15.95, passed away from injuries sustained in an April bicycle accident. Also, Donald Sobol, who wrote the Encyclopedia Brown series died from natural causes. Our condolences go out to their respective friends and families . . .

Well, football training camp is only two weeks away and Green Bay Packers fans are already convinced that they have won the Super Bowl. To commemorate, we have copies of William Povletich's Green Bay Packers (9780870204975) 26.95.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"I myself believe that there will one day be time travel because when we find that something isn't forbidden by the over-arching laws of physics we eventually find a technological way of doing it . . ."
--David Deutsch, author of The Fabric of Reality

I am B. Traven III. I am not from here. I am from the future, far, far in the future. You may recall that my father would often grace the Partners Page with his witty observations as a conspiracy theorist. In my own time, the Corporation has listed him as MIA and he is assumed to be dead. However this cannot be right, as I had not yet been born when he left on his 'last' mission, so thus, he must still be trapped in the 21st century and he will most assuredly return. Heh, heh!

As you may have surmised from his last few transmissions, he was sent backward in time to examine the phenomenon surrounding E.L. James' Fifty Shades series, including: Fifty Shades of Gray (9780345803481) 15.95, Fifty Shades Darker (9780345803498) 15.95, and Fifty Shades Freed (9780345803504) 15.95. From his notes, I believe that he was convinced that there must have been a disruptive anomaly in the space-time continuum for such a poorly written and mundane book to be so incredibly successful. I do know from my futuristic vantage point that Partners is expecting more copies of the last two titles next week. Also, I've learned that they will get the Fifty Shades Boxed Set (9780345804044) 47.85 on Friday the 13th. It sounds like they have a lot of stock tied up in this book. Heh, heh!

Before entering the 'Time Machine', I've had my headjack surgically removed to blend into 21st century society. I've also been innoculated against a litany of diseases that have been eradicated from my time period. And, unlike the Terminator movies, I will arrive fully clothed in New York. Thankfully, I will spare any innocent bystanders the shock of seeing my naked lily white body. Heh, heh!

Belore leaving, I did do some research on my father's contacts and I've reduced his list to the Ancient Aliens guy and media mogul Rupert Murdoch. I have chosen Mr. Murdoch for several reasons, and those being: A) He owns a vid network that is 'fair and balanced'. B) He is the CEO of a book company that produces quality fiction, such as Karl Taro Greenfeld's critically acclaimed New York-centric Triburnia (9780062132390) 25.99, Powell Padget's conversational You & Me (9780062126139) 23.99, and the Richard Ford's bestselling Canada (9780061692048) 27.99. C) Giorgio Tsoukalos from Ancient Aliens is completely off his rocker. (I believe I used that colloquialism right.) Heh, heh!

Next, I find that I have materialized next to Rupert Murdoch himself. Puzzlingly, he is standing in front of an open closet door, and he is holding the chain leashes of two velociraptors. I'm not quite sure what I've stumbled upon, but Mr. Murdoch looks like he has just seen a ghost . . .

Odds & Sods

It is strange how our minds work (or maybe its just mine). We have received two very different books, but they will be irrevocably linked for me. The first one is a collection of poetry by Joyce Benvenuto called A Grand River: Poems for Michigan (9781933272320) 15.95, which conjures up images of growing up in the Motor City. The other one is Scott Lasser's Say Nice Things About Detroit (9780393082999) 25.95, which is a murder mystery, a romance, and a story of redemption, all rolled into one . . .

We also have Laurie Kay Somers' Fishtown (9781933926469) 19.95, which delves into the history and lore of the fishing community in Leland, Michigan . . .