Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"As long as you hate, there will be people to hate . . ."
--George Harrison: Living in the Material World
(9781419702204) 40.00

(The personal flagship of Darth Vader, the Super Star Destroyer Executor fills the entire screen. Designed by starship engineer Lira Wessex, the Executor has over 5,000 weapon emplacements, which is enough firepower to turn the surface of any planet to molten slag. There is a cutaway of the bridge and we see Darth Vader staring out at the planet below.)

(Cue Music): Dom-dom-dom, Doo-da-dom, Doo-da-dom . . .

Admiral Kendal Ozzel: Lord Vader, why are we orbiting this backwater planet?

Darth Vader (breathing loudly): We are searching for a member of the Rebel Alliance. A Candice Millard.

Admiral Kendal Ozzel: Your Lordship, I have never heard of her. Is she a member of the Senate or a Rebel spy?

Darth Vader: No, Admiral. She has written a book called Destiny of the Republic (9780385526265) 28.95. And anything that glorifies the Old Republic must be obliterated. I will eliminate this Candice Millard.

Admiral Kendel Ozzel (accesses a computer monitor): Lord Vader, this 'book' is about a President James Garfield and his assassination on a world called Earth.

(Suddenly, gasping for breath, the Admiral collapses onto the keyboard.)

Lord Vader: Admiral, I find your lack of faith . . . disturbing.

(Spike-TV's Star Wars' marathon will continue after these messages.)

Man (walking with a child): Billy, now is certainly a great time to be a dead kids author. Partners Book Distributing is currently featuring the whimsical poetry of Shel Silverstein in his latest book, Everything On It (9780061998164) 19.99. "And I don't like candy anymore." Indeed. And how about old Theodore Geisel? You may remember him as Dr. Seuss. It looks like they found another trunk in his attic and hidden inside was The Bippolo Seed & Other Lost Stories (9780375864353) 15.00. Pretty cool, Billy. And finally, there's Maurice Sendak's Bumble Ardy (9780062051981) 17.95. Those sound like blockbusters, eh?
Child: Sir, I think Maurice Sendak is still alive.
Man: Shut up, kid.

Hi, I'm legendary Heisman Trophy winner and Super Bowl MVP Desmond Howard, and if you want a piece of history, I would recommend that you purchase my new book, I Wore 21 (9780984134717) 21.00, which highlights my days with the Michigan Wolverines. (Looks into camera.) And may the Force be with you.

Odds & Sods

Somewhere between whoever is writing the Clive Cussler books and Nora Roberts, Putnam Publishing will slip in a title that I will actually enjoy. Did I say enjoy? How about a nerdgasm instead? Norman Davies' Vanished Kingdoms (9780670022731) 40.00 is one of those books. From the Byzantine Empire to the Visigothic Kingdom, I am envisioning hours of guilty pleasures. Thanks . . .

Pulitzer Prize winner Ron Suskind's Confidence Men (9780061429255) 29.99 suggests that President Obama picked the wrong men for his economic team. It's either getting 5 stars or one depending on which side of the political aisle that you lean towards. Bestseller bound . . .

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"That twenty centuries of stony sleep
were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"
--William Butler Yeats
1) CANDIDATE . . . Our former illustrious governor Jennifer Granholm has written a new book called, oddly enough, A Governor's Story: The Fight for Jobs and Our Economic Future (9781586489977) 27.99 with co-author Dan Mulhern. Surprisingly, unlike our current governor's Dickensian scheme, her plan calls for more than just tax breaks for the rich and more taxes for everyone else. We do have signed book plates to go with our copies. Just let your server at Partners know that you are interested and we will pop the book plates into your box. Also, if you would like to meet her in person, Ms. Granholm will be at Nicola's Books on September 27. "May I have some more, Guv'ner . . ."

2) GOD KNOWS I'M GOOD . . . The new title about Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy (9781401324254) 60.00, has been selling like gangbusters. Caroline Kennedy, who wrote the forward, was on The Daily Show on Friday to plug it. And there must be something in those Kennedy genes, because she is darn good at promoting her book projects. Speaking of really white teeth, Joel Osteen, pastor of the Lakewood ChurchTM has an new book called Every Day A Payday, er, Friday (9780892969913) 24.99. Joel is a huge proponent of the prosperity theology. Prosperity gospel is the belief that pious Christians are rewarded with power and wealth in their daily lives. I believe it was Jesus who said in Luke 6:20, "Thou shalt show me the money!" It is bestseller bound . . .

3) I'M AFRAID OF AMERICANS . . . I love the TV show American Pickers. And now it's available in book form. Mike, Frank, and Danielle have enlisted Libby Callaway to record their words of wisdom in their title, American Pickers (9781401324483) 24.99. And yes, junk is beautiful. Also, one of my favourite movies The Big Lebowski celebrates the joys of Americana. I have basically modeled my life after The Dude. For the rest of you out there who would like to do the same, might I suggest Oliver Benjamin and Dwayne Eutsey's The Abide Guide (9781569759769) 14.95? What has taken me years to perfect can now be easily disseminated in their book. Somehow it doesn't seem fair, but as The Dude would say, "Yeah well, you know that's just like your opinion, man."

4) KOOKS . . . Just in case you're keeping score at home: Jermiane Jackson's You Are Not Alone (9781451651560) 26.00 is ahead of Levi Johnston's Deer in the Headlights (9781451651652) 25.00 one to nothing in Partners' sales . . .

Odds & Sods

We had a couple of authors in yesterday to sign their stock. Sophie Hannah stopped in and signed our copies of Cradle in the Grave (9780143119944) 15.00.

Earlier in the day, the lovely Heather Brewer signed her new one The Slayer Chronicles: First Kill (9780803737419) 17.99 and she autographed her backlist too, including: Eighth Grade Bites (9780142411872) 8.99, Ninth Grade Slays (9780142413425) 8.99, Tenth Grade Bleeds(9780142415603) 8.99, Eleventh Grade Burns (978014216471) 8.99, & Twelfth Grade Kills (9780142417522) 8.99.

First come, first served.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"And so it was that later
as the miller told his tale
that her face, at first just ghostly
turned a whiter shade of pale . . ."
--Keith Reid
(An excerpt from a recently unearthed manuscript by Geoffrey Chaucer.)

The bokeseller was pale and sallow,
Too many darkened days in the gallows,
Upon his lap sat pointels and maps
he carried a dagon full of bokes,
and their were much quod to brook,
"I haveth a story of the Queen of Camelot
a lady dame of such great beauty
witht thee nam of Jacqueline Kennedy (9781401324254) 60.00."

(The friar rebukes the bokeseller.)

The friar doth riseth up angrily,
Qoud he, "All thes has made ye thirsty.
does thoust hath a boke with ale
liketh the Wisconsin Best Beer Guide (9781933272252) 16.95
sa as to beste bear your wallet of lies."

The bokeseller did quod to thy friar,
"And drunkeness is eke a foul record,
On thou has borne witht Michael Moore,
wha writeth Here Comes Trouble (9780446532242) 26.99,
thes wines of Spain creepeth as subtle."

Mine doest be a profession of honore,
Goodnight Keith Moon (9780956011923) 10.95 ere your fodder
for thou are to be held a common hazarder
mayhaps witht thy Force Of Blood (9780762772841) 24.95, a lecherer,
Thou werre merely Satan's ambassador."


Obviously the Bookseller does get the best of the Friar in this snippet of some of Chaucer's best work. Also, we are having quite a run on the Jacqueline Kennedy book and I feel that it will sell right through the holidays. Order accordingly . . .

Odds & Sods

The good doctor, Ilsa Bick, popped by here on Monday and signed copies of her latest book, Ashes (9781606841754) 17.99. The signing was an elaborate operation, involving stamps, mulit-coloured pens, twelve dwarves, and a coconut creme pie. As usual, first come, first served.

Devin Scillian's Memoirs of a Goldfish (9781585365074) 15.95 has been announced as the 2011 Michigan Reads! One State, One Children's Book. We are expecting a deluge of orders . . .

We have signed Jennifer Granholm bookplates for the The Governor's Story (9781586489977) 27.99. If you are interested, let your server know & we will put them in your box.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"What an astonishing thing a book is. It's a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you're inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years . . ."
--Carl Sagan

Hello, I'm Giorgio. You may know me as the creator of the History Channel show, Ancient Aliens. I'm the guy with the freaky hair and the fake orange tan. I have some bad news. B. Traven Jr. is missing. I suspect that he has been kidnapped by aliens from the Peliades cluster, who have been collecting human DNA, and he has been cryogenically frozen for the decade long trip back to their home world. So instead, I, Giorgio, will be your guide as we explore this alternate reality that I like to call the book industry.

Firstly, I am intrigued and eager to read Tom Perrotta's new book, The Leftovers (9780312358341) 25.99. The premise is that 'The Rapture' has come and gone, and we are following the stories of those 'Left Behind.' Some critics believe that this is social satire. But to a trained eye, it is obvious what Mr. Perrotta is really doing here. Human beings with traces of alien DNA were the ones who suddenly disappeared. They have been called back to the mothership. Then, those who have been supposedly 'raptured' will be used to seed a planet in the Alpha Centauri system. Sometimes these things are so patently clear . . .

Tennis great Rafael Nada has a new title called Rafa (9781401324513) 27.99 that has been selling quite well. I know what you're thinking. How can Giorgio possibly tie this in to ancient aliens? Well it's actually quite obvious. No pure human being could possibly be as good a tennis player as he is. However, Rafael grew up in Manacor, Spain, where he was exposed to the effects of the Ark of the Covenant. Ancient aliens buried the Ark there after Moses fled Egypt, and as you well know, the Ark was a small nuclear reactor. The radiation seeped into the nearby ground water, and it, of course, enhanced his athletic prowess. And I think we're all familiar with the story of Spiderman . . .

Lastly, Thomas Friedman and his collaborator Michael Mandelbaum are back with their latest That Used To Be Us: How America Fell Behind in the World and How We Can Come Back (9780374288907) 28.00. Mr. Friedman concentrates on four major challenges for America -- globalization, the nation's debt, the changes in information technology, and our energy consumption. I'll save you the price of the book. There is one answer and one answer only -- Aliens! We need to bring the big greys to the table and say, "We need your help. We have served as just your test subjects long enough. It's time for the payoff." I know this sounds like the plot to Arthur C. Clarke's Childhood's End, but that just shows you what kind of a visionary he was. We're all grown up and ready for the stars.

Odds & Sods

Gloria Whelan may be nearly 88 years young, but she's still crankin' out the children's books. Her new one is The Boy Who Wanted to Cook (9781585365340) 16.95. Set in France, the lad dreams of one day being a famous chef. Bon Appetit!

Also, from Sleeping Bear Press, we have received When Anju Loved Being an Elephant (9781585365333) 16.95 by Wendy Henrichs. The story is pretty good, but the illustrations by John Butler are what really caught my eye. They are incredibly life-like. Also, the model used for the trainer looks just like Michael Moore. Hmmm, an elephant being trained by Michael Moore . . .