"And I don't need your civil warB. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE
It feeds the rich and buries the poor
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers
In a human grocery store . . ."
--Guns N' Roses, Civil War
B. Traven Jr. here. Mick asked me to take a break from working on my latest manuscript, Bohemian Grove: An American Bilderberg, and write this week's Partners Page. I jumped at the chance since my old friend Shirley MacLaine has a new title, I'm Over All That (9781451607291) 22.00, coming out on April 5, and this would give me the perfect opportunity to travel through the 5th dimension and visit her. Ha, ha!
Of course, Shirley did hit the book industry mother lode. She has already taped a full hour episode with Oprah Winfrey that will air in the first week of April. You may not know this, but Shirley and I have met in several previous lives. One of the more memorable ones was when she was a Roman centurion and I was a transgender slave serving the Roman Emperor Elagabalus around 200 A.D. I can tell you that the Severian family knew how to throw a party. Ha, ha!
On Oprah, Shirley presents a video taken near her home in New Mexico where she points out the location of UFOs she has spotted on the horizon. Oprah and Shirley discuss UFOs and aliens. Oprah asks, "Have you seen an alien?" And Shirley replies, "You might be one for all I know." They laughed. And normally, I would laugh too, but I have heard that Oprah may actually be one of the last living Pleiadian aliens. The more you know . . .
Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is at the center of many conspiracy theories. Unfortunately, he doesn't address any of them in his new book, Known and Unknown: A Memoir (9781595230676) 36.00. In fact, from yellowcake to tortured prisoners, Donald calls out everyone but himself and shoulders none of the responsibility for the administration's miscues. Surprise! He will be the featured trainwreck on The View tomorrow. Oh, and Donald, I'd like to thank you for aspertame, too. Ha, ha!
Also, the Larry Fine to Rumsfeld's Moe is former governor Mike Huckabee. His book is A Simple Government (9781595230737) 26.95. Simple is, as simple does. He will be plugging his book tomorrow on The Colbert Report.
Finally, the Curly Joe to Huckabee's Larry is the newly elected Senator Rand Paul, whose new title is The Tea Party Goes to Washington (9781455503117) 21.99, which is obviously a reference to the Jimmy Stewart's movie, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I'm sorry, Mr. Paul. I knew Jimmy Stewart in an earlier life, and you're no Jimmy Stewart. Mr. Paul will help you adjust your tinfoil hats on Late Night with David Letterman tomorrow. Ha, ha!
Odds & Sods
And now here's the cover for Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre (9780307455192) 7.99: