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*Christmas Hangover Edition*

"But the most difficult task of all
that a mortal man can embark on is to sell a book . . ."
--Stanley Unwin, The man who discovered Tolkien

LIBRIS THE BOOKSELLING ELF

Libris the Elf squirmed in the chair and looked around Santa's waiting room. It was spartan. There were two chairs and a coffee table with an array of Highlights magazines on it. The only picture on the wall was a panoramic photo of the North Pole. Libris nervously tapped his green elf shoe. The Big Guy was in his office and he wasn't going to be happy with what Libris had to say. Libris wanted to be a bookseller. Yes really, a bookseller. He recalled the last time something like this happened and it hadn't gone well. Hermey the Elf had wanted to become a dentist and it had turned into a big production. There had been talk of a movie. Meanwhile, Hermey had been ostracized by the other elves, and eventually he had had to flee the North Pole. Libris was hoping it wouldn't come to that . . .

The door to Santa's office opened and his assistant ushered him in, "Santa will see you now."

Libris crept in. Santa didn't look up from his papers and asked, "Libris, what can I do for you? And make it quick, those presents for the Laplanders aren't going to deliver themselves."

Libris took off his Phyrgian cap, kneaded its brim with both hands, and blurted out, "Santa, I want to be a bookseller!"

Kris Kringle looked up from his papers, arched an eyebrow, and shook his head.

Libris continued, "Sir, I'm just not cut out for this toy making thing. I get excited about new releases like Dean Koontz's 77 Shadow Street (9780553807714) 28.00 and W.E.B. Griffin's Covert Warriors (9780399157806) 27.95."

Santa cleared his throat, "Now look, Libris, I don't think you realize how difficult it is to be a bookseller. It makes working with me look like a walk in the park."

"But, Santa, I would be so good at it. For example, let's say that a lady after Christmas asks me about a new diet book and I would say, 'Oh yes, I've heard good things about this South Beach Wake Up Call (9781605293325) 27.99 by Arthur Agatston. Also, The Petite Advantage Diet (9780062025456) 25.99 by Jim Karas has been flying under the radar.' See."

"Humph," Santa replied.

"Sir, I would be really good at recommending titles like Richard Rhode's Hedy's Folly (9780385534383) 26.95 for readers who like quirky World War II stories."

"Hedley," Santa cut in.

"Hedley?"

Santa looked up from his desk, "You know 'Hedley.' I thought we were doing a bit here," Santa shifted in his seat and shook his head, "At any rate, Libris, why don't I transfer you from toys to new book title acquisitions, and then you'll see how easy you really had it in your old department. Ho, ho, ho!"

Odds & Sods

John Grisham's surprise blockbuster The Litigators (9780385535137) 28.95 is back in stock. You won't have to sue anyone to get this book in your store . . .
Smokin' Joe Tait's authobiography Joe Tait: It's Been a Real Ball (9781598510706) is also in stock . . .
The holiday sleeper Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site (9780811877824) 16.99 is here. It's clever, but it's still no Goodnight Keith Moon (9780956011923) 10.95 by Bruce Wooten and Clare Cross . . .

The Partners family would like to wish one and all a very Happy New Year!

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*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"Everybody does have a book in them,
but in most cases that's where it should stay . . ."
--Christopher Hitchens, author of Arguably (9781455502776) 30.00

CAUSE HE'S GOING THE DISTANCE, HE'S GOING FOR SPEED

So as we circle the drain a few more times before the end of the holiday season, it gives me the opportunity to update you on the arrival of our last minute bestsellers . . .

Walter Isaacson's Steve Jobs (9781451648539) 35.00 -- It is shipping 12/22 from the publisher and it (obviously) won't be here until next week.

Stephen King's 11/22/63 (9781451627282) 35.00 was supposedly back in stock at the publisher on 12/20, but we'll have to wait and see if we get any actual stock from it. Caroline Kennedy's Jacqueline Kennedy (9781401324254) 60.00 might be a good stop-gap measure.

Speaking of Jack Kennedy, Chris Matthews' title Jack Kennedy: Elusive Hero (9781451635089) 27.50 has lived up to its subtitle. Recently, stock has been exceedingly elusive. However, we had a big chunk come in today.

P.D. James' Death Comes To Pemberly (9780307959850) 25.95 -- Our shipment has been lost. God only knows when it will get here.

Bill O'Reilly's Killing Lincoln (9780805093070) 28.00 -- It is backordered at the publisher so it won't be here until at least next week. I would suggest James Swanson's Manhunt (9780060518509) 15.99 as an alternative.

I know that Stephen Spielberg's new movie isn't even out yet, but we've sold out of the movie tie-in for War Horse (9780545403351) 8.99 like a bajillion times already. It is back in stock. Get 'em while you can.

The Chadinator's Art of Fielding (9780316126694) 25.99 hasn't gone the traditional bestseller route. It did sell well out of the gate, didn't sell for a couple of months, and then 'Boom!' It was basically gone in one day. Again, I don't think we're going to see this one before Christmas.

First it wasn't coming back in before Christmas, then it was, then it wasn't, and now we're expecting copies of The LEGO Ideas Book (9780756686062) 24.99 in tomorrow. Whatever.

Odds & Sods

Rob Reischel's Aaron Rodgers: Leader of the Pack (9781600786457) 22.95 is back in but going fast. Also, Dr. Jim's Green Bay: A City & Its Team (9780615444642) 39.95 is back in, too . . .

Author Christopher Hitchens lost his battle with esophageal cancer and passed away last Thursday. He was 62 years old. We have copies of Hitch 22 (9780446540346) 14.99 and God Is Not Great (9780446697965) 14.99 on a publisher order . . .

I'd like to wish everyone a very happy holiday and we'll look forward to seeing you again after all of the insanity.

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"I started Early -- Took my Dog--
And visited the Sea--
The Mermaids in the Basement
Came out to look at me--"
--Emily Dickinson, 520

1) THE CHILLER'S TALE . . . You know those kids that have been pestering you for four years about Jonathan Rand's next Michigan Chiller? Well, you'll finally get them off of your back for a couple of weeks because we have received Michigan Chillers #15: Calumet Copper Creatures (9781893699663) 5.99. Also, as an added bonus, we have Jonathan Rand's new American Chiller #32: Idaho Ice Beast (9781893699311) 5.99 in stock, too. These titles make great stocking stuffers and these are probably two of the few series that teen boys will actually read. Hopefully, we won't have to wait another four years for the next Michigan Chiller . . .

2) PACK ATTACK . . . We have Dr. James Hurley's Green Bay: A City & Its Team (9780615444642) 39.95 in stock. This is a gorgeous coffee table book for the true Packers' fan. The good doctor did not cut any corners in the production of this title and it is a steal at this price. We are also expecting a reprint of future Hall of Fame receiver Donald Driver's kids title Quickie Goes to the Big Game (9780615548715) 19.95 in today. Finally, Rob Reischel's Aaron Rodgers: Leader of the Pack (9781600786457) 22.95 should be here in a few days. It was shipped from the publisher on the December 13. It made me think of this:

"Is she really going out with him?
Well, there she is. Let's ask her.
Jessica, is that Aaron's ring you're wearing?
Mmm-hmm.
Gee, it must be great cheering him on.
Is he picking you up after the game?
Uh-uh . . .
That's when I fell for the Leader of the Pack."

3) A SMORGASBORD OF FUN . . . We have a plethora of hot titles back in. Walter Isaacson's Steve Jobs (9781451648539) 35.00 is in stock. By the way, Apple's founding document sold today for $1.6 million. The surprise bestseller Thinking, Fast and Slow (9780374275631) 30.00 by Daniel Kahneman is here. Speaking of legendary quarterbacks in the making, we have a few copies of Tim Tebow's Through My Eyes (9780062007285) 26.99 left in the stash. Lastly, we are still expecting the LEGO Ideas Book (9780756686062) 24.99 to be back in stock on December 16. Backorders are piling up . . .

Odds & Sods

John was kind enough to get us some signed copies of Amy Ackley's Sign Language (9780670013180) 16.99. Obviously, first come, first served. Also, we still have signed bookplates for Jan Brett's Home for Christmas (9780399256530) 17.99. For the perfect gift for the young reader, we have signed copies of Carol Crane's Christmas Tree Ship (9781585362851) 15.95 available . . .

For Cleveland sports fans, we are expecting more Joe Tait: It's Been a Real Ball (9781598510706) 15.95 on either this Friday or Monday . . .

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"I don't mind stealing bread
from the mouths of decadence
But I can't feed on the powerless
when my cup's already overfilled . . ."
--Temple of the Dog, Hunger Strike

Alternatingly Flailing and Paddling in the Stream of Consciousness

So as is my habit, I was prepping myself for my busy day by reading the latest Shelf Awareness. Much to my chagrin, I noticed in the Book Brahmin that the author had incorrectly spelled Hunter S. Thompson, not once but twice in the same article. I, too, well know the pitfalls of getting names wrong in a newsletter, but it's Hunter S. 'Freakin'' Thompson! If Mr. Thompson were still alive, I'm sure he would be at this author's door with several large calibre guns in hand. As it is, he's probably going to have to deal with Johnny Depp.

Call me converted. Kelley from Minneapolis seems to have a knack for finding good selling mid-list titles that most booksellers probably overlook. (Hey, I'm including myself in that statement.) She was right on the mark with Laura Schroff's An Invisible Thread: The True Story of an 11-Year-Old Panhandler, a Busy Sales Executive, and an Unlikely Meeting with Destiny (9781451642513) 25.00. I believe the subtitle sums it up succinctly. It could be the feel good hit of the holidays. Her other recent selection that's not a 'feel good hit' would be Caroline Moorehead's Train In Winter: An Extraordinary Story of Women, Friendship, and Resistance in Occupied France (9780061650703) 27.99. We've sold out for a second time, but we should have stock shortly. Everybody hates the Nazis.

Speaking of France, the movie The Adventures of Tintin (9780316185738) 4.99, courtesy of some guys named Peter Jackson and Steven Spielberg, will be debuting December 21. Apparently its release in France broke all of their box office records. It does looks pretty cool from the trailer. I mentioned Michael Morpurgo's War Horse (9780545403351) 8.99 last week, which is also a Spielberg production. Finally, the last big movie tie-in for the year will be Stieg Larsson's The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (9780307454546) 14.95. This isn't normally a movie I would be interested in, but I do like Daniel Craig so I might check it out. Also, Trent Reznor co-wrote the soundtrack and that sounds kind of intriguing. The movie cover is available in the 'premium edition' (9780307949486) 9.99 and a tradepaper edition (9780307949493) 15.95.

I've decided that my favourite title of the year is Kate Atkinson's Started Early, Took My Dog (9780316066747) 14.99. I have no idea what her novel is about, but what a wonderful, wonderful title . . .

Odds & Sods

Julie from Time^TM magazine wanted me to mention a couple of cute kid's cookbooks. Not to be confused with Sleeping Bear's alphabet series, Sesame Street's B is for Baking (9780470638866) 16.99 and SpongeBob's Kitchen Mission Cookbook (9780470639443) 16.99 would make great gifts for youngsters who yearn to cook . . .

I missed one movie tie-in book. Jonathan Foer's Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (9780547735023) 14.95 is a starring vehicle for Tom Hanks and Jesse James' ex-wife Sandra Bullock. It opens on January 20 . . .

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"Strings of street lights
Even stop lights blink a bright red and green
As the shoppers rush home with their treasures . . .
You'll hear silver bells, silver bells . . . "
--Livingston & Evans, Silver Bells

It Was the Night That The Lights Went Out In Lansing

Apparently, the Lansing area had the 'Storm of the Century' last night. To top things off, our power at home went out at about 8:30 and it was not anticipated to be repaired until at least midnight. (Notice that I've used the word 'anticipated.' Actually, our power would not be back on until almost 2:00.) We lit some candles and my daughter suggested we play Scrabble. I agreed that I needed to reassert my dominance in this diversion, so I blundered downstairs in the dark, grabbed the game, and snatched our copy of The Official Scrabble Players Dictionary (9780877799290) 7.50 from the bookshelf, which by the way, is always a fan favourite during the holidays.

I went first with the word 'gist.' (I had crappy starting letters.)

While I waited for my daughter to come up with a word, I mentally began to run down my list of Christmas gifts for my family. I am blessed with a family that loves to read, and fortunately, none of them own an e-reader. My brother Jay said he couldn't put down Unbroken (9781400064168) 27.00 by Laura Hillenbrand, which is still selling well in hardcover. I haven't seen anything similar yet, but I think Ian Toll's Pacific Crucible: War at Sea in the Pacific 1941-1942 (9780393068139) 35.00 should work for him.

"Hey, I don't think 'yon' is a word."

My wife replies, "Yeah, it is. For example: The people went hither and yon."

Resignedly, I add, "Humph. I guess you're right."

My brother Matt is a Star Wars freak. He has so many Star Wars collectibles that he dreams of opening his own museum some day. Seriously. So I'm penciling him in for a copy of LEGO Star Wars Character Encyclopedia (9780756686970) 18.99 or How To Speak Wookiee (9781452102559) 16.95.

"Hey, wait a second Holly, 'B.C.' is not a word."

She says, "Dad, I thought abbreviations were okay."

"That's not a valid abbreviation."

My other daughter is in cooking school in Florida. She's actually more of a baker than a cook, so I think she will enjoy Cake Pops (9780811876377) 19.95 by Bakerella. And I know my nephew Ian is going to love getting Peter Yarrow's Puff the Magic Dragon Pop-Up Book (9781402787119) 26.95. He likes that hippy music.

"Oh look," I put down 'V-I' tiles in the triple word score next to the 'E' and say, "That will be 27 points. And I believe that's game, set, and match."

Odds & Sods

Well, it is Steven Spielberg. We have already sold out of our first batch of Michael Morpurgo's War Horse (9780545403351) 8.99, but we are expecting more copies in a day or two. One of my customers has already seen a preview of Mr. Spielberg's new film and she said that she'd give it a nine out of ten. It opens on Xmas Day . . .

Susan Orlean, author of Rin Tin Tin: The Life and The Legend (9781439190135) 26.99 will be on NPR today. Speaking of dogs, this video will get dust in your eyes: www.beaglefreedomproject.org/video.php
Give your dog a hug.

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"He came dancing across the water
With his galleons and guns
Looking for the new world
In that palace in the sun . . . "
--Neil Young, Cortez the Killer

Channel 13 Community Access TV Presents: BOOK TALKERS

(Camera pans Double D's basement and settles on Stoner Bill and Double D sitting in comfortable chairs.)

Stoner Bill: . . . No, not the comfy chair!

Double D: Dude, we're on.

Stoner Bill: Uh, sorry. Hey Dudes and Dudettes! Welcome to Book Talkers with your hosts, Me and Double D. We are now into day 144 of the NBA lockout and we've got some books about the NBA to talk about. Man, I'm like a poet today, I must say . . .

Double D: Yeah, if Ed Grimley were a poet. We'll be back after these messages.

Announcer: The people who brought you Schoolhouse Rock have gotten together with your local publishers to promote new and upcoming books like:

Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, get your adverbs here.

Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, buy her new book here.

Come on down to Mikey's, get the adverbs here!

Hello folks, you can buy Michael Connelly's The Drop

(9780316069410) 27.99 at Partners Book Distributing.

If it's a book or an adverb, we have it at Mikey's!

Bring along your old adjectives, too -- like slow,

soft, and sure. We'll fit them with our L-Y attachment

and make perfectly good adverbs out of them!

Stoner Bill: Whoa! I'm going to get tired of that commercial really quickly. So the NBA. Both of us loved the new book on long-time Cleveland Cavaliers announcer Joe Tait. Joe Tait: It's Been A Real Ball (9781598510706) 15.95 was co-written by Terry Pluto. Great stuff. A perfect Christmas present for all the old accordian players in Parma.

Double D: I also enjoyed the new book about Lebron James, The Whore of Akron (9780062066367) 25.99 by Scott Raab. (Stoner Bill laughs.) C'mon Bill, it's a Cleveland fan's perspective on the chicanery of Lebron James and his move to the Miami Heat. Powerful. Well, that's it for this week. We love you Oprah!

Odds & Sods

The word on the street is that we will have more of the LEGO Idea Book (9780756686062) 24.99 in today. So the news of it being out of stock until December 20 was greatly exaggerated . . .

I have signed Jan Brett bookplates for anyone who orders her new one, Home For Christmas (9780399256530) 17.99. They are available upon request . . .

More and more children are being diagnosed with autism these days, so Daniel Stefanski's How To Talk To An Autistic Kid (9781575423654) 12.99 is a timely book. It's okay to be different . . .

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"And we played the first thing that came into our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World, it was the Best Song in the World . . . "
--Tenacious D, Tribute

A TRIBUTE TO ANDY ROONEY

It really is boring up here in Heaven. First of all, a white toga may appear flattering on some people, but it's not a good look for me, Andy Rooney. In my younger days we would tie an onion to our belt because that's what we did. Good luck with that now. And don't even get me started on the whole halo thing.

Anyway, I wanted to get in one more of my trademark rants for this upcoming Christmas, and the Big Guy has given me the authorization to do so. You know I'm not a big fan of modern technology or what passes for popular culture. Who can forget my famous 'What the %$#& is a Lady Gaga?' screed? When I was a youngster we listened to The Andrews Sisters and we liked it!

At any rate, what is this whole e-book nonsense? When I get a Christmas present, I want something with a little weight behind it. It has to be a book like Erich Lessing's The Louvre: All the Paintings (9781579128869) 75.00, or a kid's title like Daniel Lipkowitz's The LEGO Idea's Book (9780756686062) 24.99. And what's up with Legos today? When I was raising my son we had square and rectangular blocks and Brian had to use his imagination. Now they have these Jedis, ninjas, that Harry Pinter kid, and real &%$#% windows. Well, I guess I shouldn't worry, the publisher is already out of stock until December 20, so you aren't going to find it anyway.

Back to e-books, so how are you going to give an e-book as a present? A little namby-pamby gift card? No, I want a physical book like my friend Tom Brokaw's Time Of Our Lives (9781400064588) 26.00, or Diane Keaton's Then Again (9781400068784) 26.00 that I can crack over the head of a New York city mugger if need be. By the by, I'll have to see if Tommy mentions our 'lost weekend' in Singapore in his new book. We drank so many Mai Tais that weekend that they had to open a new little umbrella factory. True story.

I just learned that my old buddy Regis has a new book out too. It's called How I Got This Way (9780062109750) 25.99 and it is a hoot. You know Reeg was almost as big of a fan of the Fightin' Irish as I was. Almost. We once had a contest to see who was the all-time best complainer. And wouldn't you know that $#@% Reeg won hands down.

Oh, and how about my good friend Betty White? She used to love to stroke my caterpillar-like eyebrows and sing the Butterfly Song. It drove me @#$% crazy. Her new book is Betty & Friends (9780399157547) 26.95. And her 'friends' are the animals at the local zoo. What a sweet, wonderful woman.

By the way, in case you were wondering, Kurt Cobain and I have made up. In fact it's my turn to relieve him from playing the harp. Now get off my @#$% lawn!

Odds & Sods

Our good friend and fellow Michigander Susan Newhof attended this year's GLiBA convention and she was promoting her new book, Spirits & Wine (9780472118007) 24.00. It's a fictional story of a west Michigan couple who buy their dream house and find out that they are not the only tenants. Great fun . . .

We have just received more of Chris Matthews' Jack Kennedy: Elusive Hero (9781451635089) 27.50. Speaking of dead Presidents, Being George Washington (9781451659269) 26.00 by Glenn Beck goes on-sale next Tuesday. It's sure to be a bestsller . . .

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"For all the gold that is beneath the moon,
Or ever has been, of these weary souls,
Could never make a single one repose . . . "
--Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy

THE 'H' WORD

It's getting to be that time of year. We all have our favourites for the upcoming season, and I am no exception. Sitting here at Partners Book Central^TM, I notice some things, and whether you like it or not, I'm going to share them with you. In the realm of fiction, there are three big books coming out on Monday. Monday release dates were once the domain of James Patterson, so Kill Alex Cross (9780316198738) 28.99 should be no surprise (and if we could be so lucky), but a couple others have jumped on the bandwagon, including Sue Grafton's V is for Vengeance (9780399157868) 27.95 and whoever wrote Clive Cussler's Devil's Gate (9780399157820) 27.95. As for actual Tuesday releases, Jeff Kinney's Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin Fever (9781419702235) 13.95 will probably be bigger than all of the previous titles combined. And while were talking about tween titles, Christopher Paolini's Inheritance (9780375856112) 27.99 has sold great out of the gate and will continue to be strong throughout the holidays.

Also of note in non-fiction for this upcoming Tuesday, Gabby: A Story of Courage and Hope (9781451661064) 26.99 by Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and her husband Mark Kelly will go on-sale. After her tragic attack, Gabby captured the hearts of all Americans and I expect everyone will want to read about the details of her assassination attempt and her recovery. Another story that Americans followed closely was the trial of Casey Anthony. The prosecuting attorney Jeff Ashton reveals his thoughts on the case in his book, Imperfect Justice (9780062125323) 26.99. Surprisingly, I haven't seen any publicity on this title, which doesn't come out until November 15, but Jeff's book will be a monster.

As for titles that are already bestsellers and that should continue selling through the holidays, both Bill O'Reilly's Killing Lincoln (9780805093070) 28.00 and our generations' Ernest Hemingway, Nicholas Sparks, and his latest title Best of Me (9780446547659) 25.99 are back in stock. And what more can be said about the Kennedys? Apparently, a lot. Jack Kennedy: Elusive Hero (9781451635089) 27.50 by Chris Matthews is sold out everywhere. The publisher is expecting more stock on November 11. We should have our copies by either next Tuesday or Wednesday. And, of course, I am expecting Caroline's Jacqueline Kennedy (9781401324254) 60.00 to blow up around Christmas again.

Overall, I think the publishers have set us up with some winning books for the season. So let's sell some books!

Odds & Sods

Carol Crane's The Christmas Tree Ship (9781585362851) 15.95 will be a great seller for the younger kids. Carol was kind enough to stop in on Monday and sign two hundred copies of her book. As usual, it's first come, first served . . .

Last week we had Corey Henderson, Dan Rollman, and his parents in the warehouse to sign copies of their new title, The Recordsetter Book of World Records (9780761165774) 12.95. It started out as a web site where ordinary people could share their extraordinary abilities. It's kinda like stupid human tricks but sillier. Get yours before they're gone . . .

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"I've had enough of reading things
By neurotic, psychotic, pig-headed politicians
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth . . . "
--John Lennon, Gimme Some Truth

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

B. Traven Jr. here. I am taking a break from the filming of the latest episode of Finding Bigfoot to update you on the latest inthe wacky world of books. In fact, I have toyed with the idea of just walking off the set. There is a distinct lack of professionalism amongst their crew, and I would have just as much chance of finding Bigfoot by looking out my backyard window. Ha, ha!

As you well know, I have spent time on many expeditions in search of lost books, like Homer's Margites, The Annals of King David, William Shakespeare's The History of Cardenio, and of course, the latest edition of Mary Hunt's Hunt's Guide to Michigan's UP. However, my latest foray into the Partners' warehouse has revealed at long last that they have received Adam Gamble's Good Night Michigan (9781602190542) 9.95. So you can keep your Goodnight Keith Moon (9780956011923) 10.95 and your Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site (9780811877824) 16.99; I'll take Adam's book. Ha, ha!

I have obviously dabbled in the occult, but I didn't realize that we had a psychic in our own midst. David predicted yesterday that the Michigan football team is going to run the board for the rest of this season. This would be a tall order with Penn State and Ohio State on the docket, but Seth, er, David seems strangely confident. Speaking of Michigan, John Bacon's Three and Out: Rich Rodriguez and the Michigan Wolverines in the Crucible of College Football (9780809094660) 28.00 is shipping directly from the bindery and we hope to have our stock by the end of this week. If David is right, we're heading for Vegas. Ha, Ha!

I wanted to say congratulations to St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa, who not only won this year's World Series, but is also retiring from managing, finally. What is he like 150 years old? His recent biography Tony La Russa (9781600785573) 15.95 traces his life from his childhood in Transylvania to his major league career as a three-time World Champion manager. Also, fresh off the press, Partners has two new commemorative 2011 World Series books called Wild Cards (9781600787171) 14.95 & (9780578095776) 24.95. Furthermore, there is a new book called Finally, a Guidebook to St. Louis by and for St. Louisians, Neighborhood by Neighborhood (9781935806073) 18.00 by Amanda Doyle with Kerri Bonasch that will show you right where Mr. La Russa sleeps during the day. Don't forget to bring a hammer and a stake. Ha, ha!

And as Robert Heinlein once said, "Secrecy is the keystone to all tyranny."
Odds & Sods

I did get a kick out of this article called '10 Literary Trends that Need to go Away': http://www.accreditedonlinecolleges.org/blog/2011/10-literary-trends-that-need-to-go-away The first one is 'Lackluster Graphic Novel Adaptations' and it reminded me of Twilight V2 (9780316133197) 19.99. The fourth one is 'Self-indulgent celebrity memoirs' which brought to mind the November 15 release, Shaq Uncut (9781455504411) 27.99 by Shaquille O'Neal. It must have been written by a bookseller because they are all spot on . . .

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"Aomame loved history as much as she loved sports. She rarely read fiction, but history books could keep her occupied for hours . . . "
--Haruki Murakami, 1Q84 (9780307593313) 30.50

ARTHUR C. CLARKE'S
AWESOMELY EXTREME QUIZ

Take this Extreme Quiz to a Ph.D Score 1 point for each correct answer on the Freshman Level and 2 points on the Graduate Level.

Subject: Books

[e.g., Who won the 2011 Man Booker Prize? Answer: Julian Barnes for The Sense of an Ending (9780307957122) 23.95, which is in stock at Partners.]

FRESHMAN LEVEL

1) The title destined to be the bestselling non-fiction book of 2011? Steve Jobs (9781451648539) 35.00 by Walter Isaacson. We will have more stock today.

2) How many hardcover books will be released by James Patterson for this holiday season? Three. The Christmas Wedding (9780316097390) 25.99, Witch & Wizard: Fire (9780316101905) 17.99, and Kill Alex Cross (9780316198738) 28.99 will all be available at fine bookstore near you.

3) Which title by a faux historian will sell the best in 2011? Fox commentator Bill O'Reilly's new book Killing Lincoln (9780805093070) 28.00 is selling in droves.

GRADUATE LEVEL

4) Which title has been compared to Harry Potter^TM, most recently? Erin Morgenstern's The Night Circus (9780385534635) 26.95 has been favorably compared to J.K. Rowling's series.

5) What is the title of the newest American Chiller? Johnathan Rand's American Chiller #31: Nevada Nightmare Novel (9781893699120) 5.99 arrived here last Friday.

6) When will Stephen King's Dark Tower series be released as a movie? Never.

Scoring: 9 points -- Congrats, you need to get a life; 7 to 8 points -- You're a book nerd, 4 to 6 points -- You're a book dork; 1 to 3 points -- Leave the book industry immediately; 0 points -- Who reads the questions to you?

Odds & Sods

I had read the ARC of John U. Bacon's Three and Out: Rich Rodriguez and the Michigan Wolverines in the Crucible of College Football (9780809094660) 28.00 and I thought to myself, 'This is gonna be huge in Michigan, and especially in the Detroit area.' I was right. Partners is sold out and we're already taking backorders . . .

I was excited to see that August O'Phwinn's Farts Around the World (9781452102818) 15.95 has finally arrived. Most of my co-workers were not so excited. This one is very similar to the now classic Farts: A Spotters Guide. Order yours today, before we squeeze them all out . . .

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"If you're in trouble, or hurt or need -- go the the poor people.
They're the only ones that'll help -- the only ones . . . "
--John Steinbeck

Dearest Mick--

I would like to thank you again for the wonderful time in Dearborn last weekend. Chip, my beloved manservant, and I have just arrived back at my Italian villa in Napoli yesterday. In fact, Chip is down at the quay to unload my Rascal^TM scooter from the freighter. I am not positive that I would have had the energy to canvass such a large show floor without it. I really did enjoy GLiBA (glee-ba), although I half expected to see a gaggle of teenagers turn the event into a song and dance number. I understand that GLiBA may be combining with MiBA (mee-ba) soon. I believe it was your boss Sam who added the witty rejoiner, "And then they can call it AMOEBA (e-mee-ba)."

As an alum of Big Green, I was both impressed with the decor of your booth and the dedication of your employees. I noticed a lot of people handling your copy of Devin Scillian's Memoirs of a Goldfish (9781585365074) 15.95, which is the Michigan Reads: One State, One Children's Book choice, and Walter Wicks' Can You See What I See: Toyland Express (9780545244831) 13.99. The cover was quite eye-catching.

Speaking of eye-catching, I was impressed with the slip-covered edition of Erich Lessing's Louvre: All the Paintings (9781579128869) 75.00, which also includes a CD. They certainly did a smashing job in their presentation.

I, too, was saddened to learn of Steve Jobs' death. Unfortunately, when you are as old as I am, you go to more than your fair share of funerals. I remember when Steve asked me for some capital to start his venture with Apple^TM. Funnily, I thought it had something to do with fruits and vegetables. I understand that Walter Isaacson's bio Steve Jobs (9781451648539) 35.00 will be out on October 24, and, What Would Steve Jobs Do (9780071792745) 22.00 should be available on December 9. I'll miss visiting Steve at the ashram.

Also, I do not know if you were aware that my good friend Julian Barnes won the Man Booker Prize for his latest title, The Sense of an Ending (9780307957122) 23.95. When I established the Booker Prize in 1968, I had hoped that such worthy authors as Mr. Barnes would be rewarded for their literature. Mr. Barnes, who is a bit of a Francophile himself, would surely like to have a copy of the Louvre book. I will have to make a note for Chip to send him one for the holidays.

I hope to see you at AMOEBA next year . . .

Warmest Regards,

Charles Edmund Wilson III

Odds & Sods

Lisa McMann stopped by last week and signed copies of her new one, The Unwanteds (9781442407688) 16.99. It's been compared to Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games trilogy but without all the gore. First come, first served . . .

You can never have too many books about the Christmas tree ship. The latest children oriented version is from Sleeping Bear Press and it's called, unsuprisingly, The Christmas Tree Ship (9781585362851) 15.95 by Carol Crane. Chris Ellison's illustrations are one part magic and one part realism, which makes for a wonderful combination that will enchant children for years to come . . .

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*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"It doesn't matter if we never meet again,
What we have said will always remain,
If we get through for two minutes only,
It will be a start!"
--The Jam

1) PINING FOR THE FJORDS . . . Finally, after much speculation, the winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature was announced last Thursday. According to the bookies, Bob Dylan had the best odds, but instead, perennial favourite Tomas Transtromer walked away with the award. The Nobel committee said that the Swedish poet won 'because, through his condensed, translucent images, he gives us a fresh access to reality.' Mr. Transtromer, who is also a dentist, was responsible for such books as The Hot Hands of a Swedish Dentist, Fillings of Passion, and The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink. Wait a second. I apologize for the confusion on these titles. Those responsible have been sacked. First of all, Tomas has never been a dentist, and at his age (80), never will be one. The actual titles of his books that we have on order are Tomas Transtromer: Selected Poems, 1954-1986 (9780880014038) 14.99 and The Great Enigma (9780811216722) 17.95. Personally, I have been so inspired by Tomas' win that I have penned a celebratory ditty (sung to the Transformer cartoon theme song):

Prepare to write

Under the midnight sun

When you're caught in the grip

of Olaf Olafsson

Transtromer

His poems make me cry

Transtromer

Poet in disguise . . .

2) GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO IS STILL DEAD . . . Apparently, the doctors' attempt to implant an alien Goa'uld in Steve Jobs was unsuccessful, and tragically, he passed away on October 5. Unbeknownst to me, Steve Jobs was the most beloved man in America. Yeah, I know. Who knew? Consequently, the publisher has changed the on sale date to October 24 for Walter Isaacson's Steve Jobs (9781451648539) 35.00. Mr. Isaacson, who is a darn good writer (for a historian), conducted more than 40 interviews, including Steve's final one. This title should be the biggest non-fiction book of the holiday season. To a lesser degree, i, Steve: Steve Jobs in His Own Words (9781932841664) 10.95 should sell well and our stock will be in shortly . . .

And thanks to Carl Lennertz and Monty Python!

Odds & Sods

I feel bad that the Lions throttled the Chicago Bears on Monday Night Football. Well, not really. However, to assauge my guilt, I would like to tell you about two new Chicago sports titles that should sell like crazy. Jeff Pearlman's new bio on Walter Payton is called Sweetness (9781592406531) 30.00. It's been getting a little press because of some of the allegations Mr. Pearlman has made. But he is still one of the greatest ever running backs ever . . .

Finally, legendary hockey player Stan Mikita has a new autobiography called Forever a Blackhawk (9781600786143) 26.95. However, he's no Gordie Howe . . .

Ye Olde Partners Page

*The Detroit Tigers Beat The Yankees Edition*

"But it's been no bed of roses,

No pleasure cruise

I consider a challenge before the whole human race

And I ain't gonna lose . . ."

--Freddie Mercury

I don't want to jinx the Detroit Tigers chances of winning the World Series like Dan from Allen Park did a couple of years ago when he ordered Detroit Red Wings books before Game 7 against the Pitsburgh Penguins, but here we are:

The Detroit Tigers by Frederick Lieb (9780873389587) 18.00

Detroit Tigers ABC by Brad M. Epstein (9781607300137) 11.95

Detroit Tigers 101 by Brad M. Epstein (9781932530964) 10.95

Detroit Tigers: A Pictorial History by William Anderson (9780814334140) 39.95

The Detroit Tigers Reader by Tom Stanton (9780472030170) 18.95

Detroit Tigers Yesterday & Today by George Cantor (9781412775151) 24.95

Few & Chosen by Lance 'The Big Wheel' Parrish (9781600782862) 24.95

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly Detroit Tigers by George Cantor (9781600780523) 19.95

Tigers Confidential by Andy Van Slyke (9781600781681) 19.95

Ernie Harwell: Stories by Ernie Harwell (9780937247358) 14.95

Life After Baseball by Ernie Harwell (9780937247457) 14.95

Breaking 90 by Ernie Harwell (9780937247778) 14.95

Extra Innings by Ernie Harwell (9780937247785) 14.95

Ernie Harwell's Audio Scrapbook (9780979212000) 19.84

Tigers Essential by George Cantor (9781572439412) 19.95

100 Things Tigers Fans . . . by Terry Foster (9781600781773) 14.95

101 Reasons To Love The Tigers by David Green (9781584797562) 15.95

Final Season by Tom Stanton (9780312291563) 14.99

Tales From The Detroit Tigers by Jack Ebling (9781596701939) 19.95

Hank Greenberg by Hank Greenberg (9781892049230) 22.95

Al Kaline by Jim Hawkins (9781600783142) 24.95

All You Can Be Detroit Tigers by Curtis Granderson (9781600782473) 16.95

'WE'RE WORKING HARDER TO SERVE YOU BETTER!'

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*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad.
People are either charming or tedious . . ."
--Oscar Wilde

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

B. Traven Jr. here. In my continuing search for the great explorer Percy Fawcett,who is chronicled in David Grann's book, The Lost City of Z (9781400078455) 15.95, I have returned early from the Amazonian rainforest in anticipation of being named as this year's winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature. Robert Zimmerman ain't got nothing on me. Ha, ha! I have been working all day on my acceptance speech. So here's a preview:

"Thank you, thank you. Oh, you're all too kind. Thank you. Please be seated. Thank you. First of all, I would like to thank my fellow authors who were just as deserving of this award as I am. Haruki Murakami, author of IQ84 (9780307593313) 30.00, which releases on October 25, has been highlighted on several of the Nobel Prize shortlists and certainly will be in the running for this award in the future. Goo, goo, g'joob . . .

Of course there's always Nicholas Sparks. His new title The Best Of Me (9780446547659) 25.99 will be available on October 11. Nicholas, who has been compared to Ernest Hemingway, mostly by himself, would have been just as deserving of this award, too.

Bill O'Reilly, who I have always admired, has recently released a new blockbuster called Killing Lincoln (9780805093070) 28.00. Mr. O'Reilly has been a longtime conspiracy theorist and his eye opening take on Lincoln's assassination has been long overdue. Et tu, Mary Todd?

And how about Neal Stephenson? He could write a thousand-page book on what he had for dinner last night. Reamde (9780061977961) 35.00, his latest doorstop, has been getting the kind of reviews that would make Jonathan Franzen envious. Neal, I'm still working on it, so don't 'ream me.' Ha, ha!

And, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Thomas Pynchon. Sorry Tom, you've become the Susan Lucci of the Nobel Prize. (I'm trying to make this sound like I'm speaking off the cuff.) Oh, and I almost forgot my fellow Michigander Jeffrey Eugenides, who should have won this award a long time ago. His new one The Marriage Plot (9780374203054) 28.00 is on-sale next Tuesday. He is the writer's writer. (I try to start the Brown chant from Lisa Simpson's nightmare.) Brown! Brown! Brown!

Secondly, I would like to thank the Swedish Academy. You have great taste. If I hadn't won this year, I would have thought that there was some kind of conspiracy against me. Ha, ha!

Odds & Sods

Hey, hey, hey . . . heeey, Halloween is right around the corner and Partners is offering the deal of a lifetime. We are featuring a selection of our Michigan, Illinois, and Indiana titles for our '2011 Halloween Special.' If you order a minimum of 25 assorted books from this flyer, you will receive free freight and a 43% discount. You should be getting this in the mail, if not, we can e-mail or fax you the list. Ooooo, dat's scary . . .
I am officially a member of the 'Boring Book Club.' I attended my first meeting this past Sunday. I never realized that there were at least four other people in the world who enjoyed dry-as-kindling non-fiction like Charles Morris' The Tycoons (9780805081343) 18.00. I am giddy . . .

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*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"As long as you hate, there will be people to hate . . ."
--George Harrison: Living in the Material World
(9781419702204) 40.00

STAR WARS 2.5: THE WRATH OF DARTH VADER

(The personal flagship of Darth Vader, the Super Star Destroyer Executor fills the entire screen. Designed by starship engineer Lira Wessex, the Executor has over 5,000 weapon emplacements, which is enough firepower to turn the surface of any planet to molten slag. There is a cutaway of the bridge and we see Darth Vader staring out at the planet below.)

(Cue Music): Dom-dom-dom, Doo-da-dom, Doo-da-dom . . .

Admiral Kendal Ozzel: Lord Vader, why are we orbiting this backwater planet?

Darth Vader (breathing loudly): We are searching for a member of the Rebel Alliance. A Candice Millard.

Admiral Kendal Ozzel: Your Lordship, I have never heard of her. Is she a member of the Senate or a Rebel spy?

Darth Vader: No, Admiral. She has written a book called Destiny of the Republic (9780385526265) 28.95. And anything that glorifies the Old Republic must be obliterated. I will eliminate this Candice Millard.

Admiral Kendel Ozzel (accesses a computer monitor): Lord Vader, this 'book' is about a President James Garfield and his assassination on a world called Earth.

(Suddenly, gasping for breath, the Admiral collapses onto the keyboard.)

Lord Vader: Admiral, I find your lack of faith . . . disturbing.

(Spike-TV's Star Wars' marathon will continue after these messages.)



Man (walking with a child): Billy, now is certainly a great time to be a dead kids author. Partners Book Distributing is currently featuring the whimsical poetry of Shel Silverstein in his latest book, Everything On It (9780061998164) 19.99. "And I don't like candy anymore." Indeed. And how about old Theodore Geisel? You may remember him as Dr. Seuss. It looks like they found another trunk in his attic and hidden inside was The Bippolo Seed & Other Lost Stories (9780375864353) 15.00. Pretty cool, Billy. And finally, there's Maurice Sendak's Bumble Ardy (9780062051981) 17.95. Those sound like blockbusters, eh?
Child: Sir, I think Maurice Sendak is still alive.
Man: Shut up, kid.



Hi, I'm legendary Heisman Trophy winner and Super Bowl MVP Desmond Howard, and if you want a piece of history, I would recommend that you purchase my new book, I Wore 21 (9780984134717) 21.00, which highlights my days with the Michigan Wolverines. (Looks into camera.) And may the Force be with you.


Odds & Sods

Somewhere between whoever is writing the Clive Cussler books and Nora Roberts, Putnam Publishing will slip in a title that I will actually enjoy. Did I say enjoy? How about a nerdgasm instead? Norman Davies' Vanished Kingdoms (9780670022731) 40.00 is one of those books. From the Byzantine Empire to the Visigothic Kingdom, I am envisioning hours of guilty pleasures. Thanks . . .

Pulitzer Prize winner Ron Suskind's Confidence Men (9780061429255) 29.99 suggests that President Obama picked the wrong men for his economic team. It's either getting 5 stars or one depending on which side of the political aisle that you lean towards. Bestseller bound . . .

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*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"That twenty centuries of stony sleep
were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"
--William Butler Yeats

1) CANDIDATE . . . Our former illustrious governor Jennifer Granholm has written a new book called, oddly enough, A Governor's Story: The Fight for Jobs and Our Economic Future (9781586489977) 27.99 with co-author Dan Mulhern. Surprisingly, unlike our current governor's Dickensian scheme, her plan calls for more than just tax breaks for the rich and more taxes for everyone else. We do have signed book plates to go with our copies. Just let your server at Partners know that you are interested and we will pop the book plates into your box. Also, if you would like to meet her in person, Ms. Granholm will be at Nicola's Books on September 27. "May I have some more, Guv'ner . . ."

2) GOD KNOWS I'M GOOD . . . The new title about Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy (9781401324254) 60.00, has been selling like gangbusters. Caroline Kennedy, who wrote the forward, was on The Daily Show on Friday to plug it. And there must be something in those Kennedy genes, because she is darn good at promoting her book projects. Speaking of really white teeth, Joel Osteen, pastor of the Lakewood Church^TM has an new book called Every Day A Payday, er, Friday (9780892969913) 24.99. Joel is a huge proponent of the prosperity theology. Prosperity gospel is the belief that pious Christians are rewarded with power and wealth in their daily lives. I believe it was Jesus who said in Luke 6:20, "Thou shalt show me the money!" It is bestseller bound . . .

3) I'M AFRAID OF AMERICANS . . . I love the TV show American Pickers. And now it's available in book form. Mike, Frank, and Danielle have enlisted Libby Callaway to record their words of wisdom in their title, American Pickers (9781401324483) 24.99. And yes, junk is beautiful. Also, one of my favourite movies The Big Lebowski celebrates the joys of Americana. I have basically modeled my life after The Dude. For the rest of you out there who would like to do the same, might I suggest Oliver Benjamin and Dwayne Eutsey's The Abide Guide (9781569759769) 14.95? What has taken me years to perfect can now be easily disseminated in their book. Somehow it doesn't seem fair, but as The Dude would say, "Yeah well, you know that's just like your opinion, man."

4) KOOKS . . . Just in case you're keeping score at home: Jermiane Jackson's You Are Not Alone (9781451651560) 26.00 is ahead of Levi Johnston's Deer in the Headlights (9781451651652) 25.00 one to nothing in Partners' sales . . .

Odds & Sods

We had a couple of authors in yesterday to sign their stock. Sophie Hannah stopped in and signed our copies of Cradle in the Grave (9780143119944) 15.00.

Earlier in the day, the lovely Heather Brewer signed her new one The Slayer Chronicles: First Kill (9780803737419) 17.99 and she autographed her backlist too, including: Eighth Grade Bites (9780142411872) 8.99, Ninth Grade Slays (9780142413425) 8.99, Tenth Grade Bleeds(9780142415603) 8.99, Eleventh Grade Burns (978014216471) 8.99, & Twelfth Grade Kills (9780142417522) 8.99.

First come, first served.

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*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"And so it was that later
as the miller told his tale
that her face, at first just ghostly
turned a whiter shade of pale . . ."
--Keith Reid

THE BOKESELLER'S TALE
(An excerpt from a recently unearthed manuscript by Geoffrey Chaucer.)

The bokeseller was pale and sallow,
Too many darkened days in the gallows,
Upon his lap sat pointels and maps
he carried a dagon full of bokes,
and their were much quod to brook,
"I haveth a story of the Queen of Camelot
a lady dame of such great beauty
witht thee nam of Jacqueline Kennedy (9781401324254) 60.00."


(The friar rebukes the bokeseller.)

The friar doth riseth up angrily,
Qoud he, "All thes has made ye thirsty.
does thoust hath a boke with ale
liketh the Wisconsin Best Beer Guide (9781933272252) 16.95
sa as to beste bear your wallet of lies."


The bokeseller did quod to thy friar,
"And drunkeness is eke a foul record,
On thou has borne witht Michael Moore,
wha writeth Here Comes Trouble (9780446532242) 26.99,
thes wines of Spain creepeth as subtle."


Mine doest be a profession of honore,
Goodnight Keith Moon (9780956011923) 10.95 ere your fodder
for thou are to be held a common hazarder
mayhaps witht thy Force Of Blood (9780762772841) 24.95, a lecherer,
Thou werre merely Satan's ambassador."

Summary

Obviously the Bookseller does get the best of the Friar in this snippet of some of Chaucer's best work. Also, we are having quite a run on the Jacqueline Kennedy book and I feel that it will sell right through the holidays. Order accordingly . . .

Odds & Sods

The good doctor, Ilsa Bick, popped by here on Monday and signed copies of her latest book, Ashes (9781606841754) 17.99. The signing was an elaborate operation, involving stamps, mulit-coloured pens, twelve dwarves, and a coconut creme pie. As usual, first come, first served.

Devin Scillian's Memoirs of a Goldfish (9781585365074) 15.95 has been announced as the 2011 Michigan Reads! One State, One Children's Book. We are expecting a deluge of orders . . .

We have signed Jennifer Granholm bookplates for the The Governor's Story (9781586489977) 27.99. If you are interested, let your server know & we will put them in your box.

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*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"What an astonishing thing a book is. It's a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you're inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years . . ."
--Carl Sagan

GIORGIO B. TSOUKALOS -- ANCIENT ALIEN EXPERT

Hello, I'm Giorgio. You may know me as the creator of the History Channel show, Ancient Aliens. I'm the guy with the freaky hair and the fake orange tan. I have some bad news. B. Traven Jr. is missing. I suspect that he has been kidnapped by aliens from the Peliades cluster, who have been collecting human DNA, and he has been cryogenically frozen for the decade long trip back to their home world. So instead, I, Giorgio, will be your guide as we explore this alternate reality that I like to call the book industry.

Firstly, I am intrigued and eager to read Tom Perrotta's new book, The Leftovers (9780312358341) 25.99. The premise is that 'The Rapture' has come and gone, and we are following the stories of those 'Left Behind.' Some critics believe that this is social satire. But to a trained eye, it is obvious what Mr. Perrotta is really doing here. Human beings with traces of alien DNA were the ones who suddenly disappeared. They have been called back to the mothership. Then, those who have been supposedly 'raptured' will be used to seed a planet in the Alpha Centauri system. Sometimes these things are so patently clear . . .

Tennis great Rafael Nada has a new title called Rafa (9781401324513) 27.99 that has been selling quite well. I know what you're thinking. How can Giorgio possibly tie this in to ancient aliens? Well it's actually quite obvious. No pure human being could possibly be as good a tennis player as he is. However, Rafael grew up in Manacor, Spain, where he was exposed to the effects of the Ark of the Covenant. Ancient aliens buried the Ark there after Moses fled Egypt, and as you well know, the Ark was a small nuclear reactor. The radiation seeped into the nearby ground water, and it, of course, enhanced his athletic prowess. And I think we're all familiar with the story of Spiderman . . .

Lastly, Thomas Friedman and his collaborator Michael Mandelbaum are back with their latest That Used To Be Us: How America Fell Behind in the World and How We Can Come Back (9780374288907) 28.00. Mr. Friedman concentrates on four major challenges for America -- globalization, the nation's debt, the changes in information technology, and our energy consumption. I'll save you the price of the book. There is one answer and one answer only -- Aliens! We need to bring the big greys to the table and say, "We need your help. We have served as just your test subjects long enough. It's time for the payoff." I know this sounds like the plot to Arthur C. Clarke's Childhood's End, but that just shows you what kind of a visionary he was. We're all grown up and ready for the stars.

Odds & Sods

Gloria Whelan may be nearly 88 years young, but she's still crankin' out the children's books. Her new one is The Boy Who Wanted to Cook (9781585365340) 16.95. Set in France, the lad dreams of one day being a famous chef. Bon Appetit!

Also, from Sleeping Bear Press, we have received When Anju Loved Being an Elephant (9781585365333) 16.95 by Wendy Henrichs. The story is pretty good, but the illustrations by John Butler are what really caught my eye. They are incredibly life-like. Also, the model used for the trainer looks just like Michael Moore. Hmmm, an elephant being trained by Michael Moore . . .

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*The New and Improved Rock 'N Roll Edition*

"Forward he cried from the rear
And the front rank died
And the General sat, as the lines on the map
Moved from side to side . . ."
--Roger Waters, Us and Them

1) YOU DON'T KNOW DICK . . . Somewhere in that miasma of data that is known as the internet, I learned that former President Dick Cheney has written an autobiography. Like a modern day Percy Fawcett from The Lost City of Z (9781400078455) 15.95, I had to hew my way through a tangle of undergrowth on the web that announced important news like Kim Kardashian's wedding and that Lindsay Lohan is wearing a Pippa style dress, but finally, I stumbled upon something useful -- the New York Times review of Dick Cheney's In My Time (9781439176191) 35.00. I believe one sentence in Mr. Kakutani's review summed it up nicely, "Indeed, the memoir -- delivered in dry, often truculent prose -- turns out to be a mostly predictable mix of spin, stonewalling, score settling and highly selective reminiscences . . ."

Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore^TM butts in, "I am awarding GryffindorTM five points for the use of the word 'truculent.'"

So yeah, it's just what I imagined. The title reminded me of a Led Zeppelin song:

"In my time of dying, want nobody to mourn,
All I want for you to do is take my body home . . ."

However, if you do want to relive the glory days of the Bush administration, we should have more stock back in on Monday . . .

2) I MISS BON SCOTT . . . I wish I could do the mincing guitar lick leading into this song, but the lyrics will have to suffice (sung to AC/DC's Thunderstruck):

"Oh, Wonderstruck, yeah
We're reading under a tree
Can you turn the page please

Wonderstruck, Wonderstruck
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Wonderstruck
Wonderstruck, yeah, yeah, yeah


Said he can write
Drawing with lines
Yeah, it's alright
He'll do fine . . ."

Brian Selznick's long awaited title, Wonderstruck (9780545027892) 29.99, will be available at all fine bookstores on September 13. Check your stock . . .

Odds & Sods

Yesterday, I saw something somewhere on Drew Magary's The Postmortal (9780143119821) 15.00. The premise sounded intriguing. A near-future world where aging has been vanquished. People can still die via accident and the like, but if you're careful then you can live for many lifetimes. Some obvious problems are an ever faster growing population, and some not so obvious, such as career long home run records. Today I am sold on it because of his Book Brahmin interview in Shelf-Awarness; you can read it here:
http://www.shelf-awareness.com/issue.html/?issue=1547#m1313
Anybody who lists Motley Crue's The Dirt as their favourite title is okay in my book . . .

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*News From the Glamorous World of Bookselling*

"Then she appeared, brittle shooting star that dropped in my lap
Then she appeared, dressed in tricolour and Phrygian cap
I was a little troubled
Hookah with my senses bubbled . . ."
--Andy Partridge, Then She Appeared

STONER BILL & THE PHANTOM PENANCE

"Dude, roadtrip!"

"Roadtrip?"

Hola, folks, Stoner Bill here. Doctor Delay and I are hanging out in his mom's basement, and of course, we're up to our usual mischief. For some inexplicable reason Double D is shoving a book flyer in my face.

I'm like, "Whoa, Dude, stop harshin' my buzz. What the hell is that thing?"

Dr. Delay is pretty antimated, well for him anyway, and says, "Two of my favorite authors are appearing at the same time in the same place. Patrick Rothfuss, author of The Wiseman's Fear (9780756404734) 29.95 and Ernest Cline, author of Ready Player One (9780307887436) 24.00 are both autographing at McLean & Eakin Booksellers in Petoskey."

I snatch the flyer from him, scan it quickly, and say, "Dude, I hope this much awesomeness in one place doesn't cause a disruption in the spacetime continuum."

Dr. Delay is practically giddy, "Dude, so instead of taking more pictures of the stuff in my mom's house and then e-mailing the photos to http://www.crapatmyparentshouse.com/, we can spend the weekend in beautiful downtown Petoskey."

I'm like, "Dude, I wouldn't worry about the photos anymore. We just got the tie-in book Crap At My Parents' House (9781419700736) 14.95 by Joel Dovev and you're not going to top any of the pictures in there."

"Really? Are there disturbing ceramic clown statues?"

"Yup."

"Evil looking stuffed animals?"

"Yup."

"Insanely huge doll collections?"

"Yup."

Dr. Delay shakes his fist impotently at the heavens, "Damn you, Joel Dovev!" he chuckles and then continues, "Really it's no big deal. It will give me more time to read Big Jon's If These Walls Could Talk: Michigan Football Stories from the Big House (9781600786570) 14.95, which just came out in tradepaper."

I say, "Sounds good. I'm going to go home and randomly start calling Barnes & Nobles around the country and see if they have HP TouchPads for $100 each."

"Dude, those HP TouchPads were only at the website. Not in the stores."

"I know. I just need to kill some time before I pack for Petoskey. Roadtrip!"

Dr. Delay smiles, "Roadtrip!"

Odds & Sods

If you want to get in on the ground floor, now is your time to purchase the children's book Acoustic Rooster and His Barnyard Band (9781585366880) 15.95 by Kwame Alexander. We've been down this road a few times before, and we all know what happens next. Ala Bob Dylan and T. Rex, Acoustic Rooster is going to go electric and alienate his original fans. So, pick this up before its too late . . .

Connie Willis' All Clear (9780553592887) 16.00 won the Hugo Award for Best Novel, which comes out in trade- paper in October. I tried reading Doomsday Book years ago, but it just didn't work for me.
Maybe I'll give this one a try too . . .

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"Quentin Tarantino is interested in watching someone's ear getting cut off; David Lynch is interested in the ear . . ."
--David Foster Wallace

A DAY AT THE MATINEE

Let's talk about movies. It seems like every decent book, or not so decent book, is being made into a movie these days. And the popularity of the movie is somehow reflected in the sales of the accompanying book. I'm sure somebody somewhere has created a formula to illustrate this point, but we'll save that for later. Suffice it to say: Dollars and cents, this is how we measure success in America.

For me, I tend to watch movies when I don't want to think and I read books when I do. With the sales of movie tie-ins lately, it would seem the American public does want to think (a bit) and explore the backstories to their favourite movies. And verily, I did try to warn you about Kathryn Stockett's The Help (9780425245132) 16.00 in last week's missive. You would have thought that anybody who could possibly want to read this book must have read it by now, but one thing I have learned in this business is that is never true. We are sold out. It should be back in stock in a day or two. A close second in the movie tie-in sweepstakes would be Tatiana de Rosnay's Sarah's Key (9781250004345) 13.99, which stars a bunch of French actors that I 've never heard of. And finally, to complete the trifecta, we have Mr. Nicholls' One Day (9780307946713) 14.95, which features Anne Hathaway on the cover. Mmmmm, Anne Hathaway.

I have a couple of suggestions in the realm of film that I would like to share with you. Julie from Green Bay recommended the BBC-TV show Black Books. Mr. Black owns a bookstore in London and not only is he cynical and cantankerous, but a horrible, horrible drunkard to boot. So basically, he's your garden variety bookstore owner. He says and does what you've only dreamed of doing to your intellectually-challenged customers. Also, Nikki from The Spirit Keepers suggested I watch Black Robes, which follows a Jesuit priest and a band of Indians in the Great Lakes region during the 17th century. I will warn you that there is some graphic violence and a bit of NSFW sex in it. So in other words, for me, it was just another typical Tuesday. But seriously, it blew Dances with Wolves away.

Finally, I don't know about you, but I am getting sick to death of hearing about J.K. Rowling's new website Moneymore^TM. The latest article said, "Something something e-books something something Sony's footing the bill something something." Well, good for her. Thank God, those ridiculous movies are finally done. Speaking of fantasy, George Arr Arr Martin's signed scripts of the last two episodes of A Game Of Thrones (9780553593716) 8.99, which were enroute from Ireland to Worldcon, have been swiped in transit. "It's as if thousands of nerds suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced . . ." Mr. Martin was going to auction them off and donate the proceeds to charity, so it was going for a good cause. Give him a jingle if you see them on eBay . . .

Odds & Sods

Thomas W. Young popped in here to sign copies of his latest title, Silent Enemy (9780399157790) 25.95. He told me that the plot centered around a military plane leaving Afghanistan that has a bomb on it. The twist is that the bomb will only be triggered if they get below a certain altitude. So I said, "I guess the tagline for the movie will be 'Speed meets Air Force One.'" Well, I thought it was pretty clever . . .

Speaking of success and great literature, James Patterson, author of Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life (9780316101875) 15.99 topped Forbes' list as the highest paid writer for the past year. Congrats!

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"Can you honestly tell me you forgot? Forgot the magnetism of Robin Zander, or the charisma of Rick Nielsen? Or how 'bout the tunes? I want YOU . . . to want ME . . ."
--Damone from Fast Times at Ridgemont High

1) DREAM POLICE . . . Just in time for Banned Books Week^TM (9/24 --10/1), the school board of Republic High School of Missouri has banned both Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five (9780440180296) 7.99 and Sarah Ockler's Twenty Boy Summer (9780316051583) 8.99 due to the complaints of one parent. In an ironic twist that even Kurt Vonnegut would have appreciated, the Dickensian-named Wesley Scroggins not only doesn't have any children in the Republic High School, but he had already home schooled his own kids. However, the school board voted to ban it due to these titles creating 'false conceptions of American history and government or that teach principles contrary to Biblical morality and truth'. Or as Helen Lovejoy might say, "Won't somebody please think of the children?!" In response, the director of the Kurt Vonnegut Memorial Library has offered a free copy of his book to any of the 150 students who attend Republic High School. On a personal note, I still remember the day I discovered Breakfast Of Champions (9780385334204) 15.00 in my high school library and what a profound effect it had on my life. I realized that I wasn't alone. I believe other teenagers should have this same opportunity. And if you don't get the joke, and some readers certainly won't, they can always check out Ayn Rand instead. And so it goes . . .

2) CAN'T HOLD ON . . . Sleeper Alert! Sometimes I do notice trends here at Partners Central Book Command. And there have been a couple titles that have been trending their way right out of our warehouse. Helen Schulman's This Beautiful Life (9780062024381) 24.95, which chronicles what happens when an explicit video sent to a boyfriend goes viral and the impact it has on their lives. As my mother once said to me, "Mick, always be careful what you post on-line." The other title is a bit more quirky and it's called A Book Of Secrets: Illegitimate Daughters and Absent Fathers (9780374115586) 26.00 by Michael Holroyd. I think Dwight Foster did the best job of describing this book when he said, "This book is a richly marbled meditation not only on the lives of several remarkable women but also on the art of biography itself . . ." We have sold out on both of these titles, and so are the publishers. Backorder accordingly . . .

3) SOUTHERN GIRLS . . . You would have thought that everyone who wanted to read The Help (9780425232200) & (9780425245132) 16.00 by Kathryn Stockett would have read it by now. I would be wrong. Stock up . . .

Odds & Sods

The lovely and vivacious Sapphire, author of Push (9780679766759) 13.00 popped in here yesterday to sign copies of her latest title, The Kid (9781594203046) 25.95. I'm not sure what I expected, but she had to be one of the funniest and nicest authors that I've ever met. Her signed copies,as usual, are on a first- come, first-served basis.

Yes, we are out of Richard Paul Evans' Michael Vey: The Prisoner of Cell Block 25 (9781451656503) 17.99, which you may have heard promoted on Glenn Beck's radio show. The publisher is out, too. They are expecting more stock next week. You know the drill . . .

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"I was very pleased, obviously, to have outsold such great writers. But I'm not insane -- I do realize that I am a popular writer who people buy to take on vacation . . ."
--Maeve Binchy

Dearest Mick--

Chip, my loyal manservant, and I had just finished installing my newfangled satellite radio when your gift box arrived via the parcel post. As you well know, I am a huge fan of that great American Glenn Beck. I have come to miss his chalkboard and his well-reasoned conspiracy theories since I have moved to Napoli, so imagine my elation when we tuned him in and Mr. Beck was touting a new title called Michael Vey: The Prisoner of Cell Block 25 (9781451656503) 17.99. I was disappointed that you had not sent me a copy until I realized that the on-sale date is next Tuesday. I cannot recall if I had mentioned to you that I had been incarcerated in a Turkish prison during The Great War after Winston Churchill's Gallipoli fiasco. A detestable place. Of course, Turkey was known as the Ottoman Empire in those days, and I can see you have sent a copy of Orlando Figes' brilliant history, The Crimean War (9780805074604) 35.00. In fact, the Turks were on our side in that lovely war. The Charge of the Light Brigade and all that bloody nonsense.

I know you try to keep me current with all the latest trends, and I suspect Jim Butcher's Ghost Story (9780451463791) 27.95 is another case in point. Well, I'll let you know, Mick, that I was performing seances with Aleister Crowley and he was spewing this paranormal balderdash long before you were born. There really is nothing new under the sun.

And then Chip pulled Yannick Murphy's The Call (9780062023148) 27.95 out of the box. I was a bit puzzled at first. So let me try this . . .

Call: A bottle of Dom Perignon 1927 is for sale.
Action: Purchase immediately.
Result: Got drunk.
Thoughts while spinning in bed: I hope I don't get the dry heaves.
What Chip said to me: Do you want a bucket?

I will also pretend that I did not notice Mike Moreno's book The 17 Day Diet (9781451648652) 25.00 in your care package. If I feel like I am overweight, I will try something crazy like eating less and exercising more. As always, your gifts are appreciated.

Yours Truly,

Charles Edmund Wilson III

Odds & Sods

Rainn Wilson, my favourite character from the American version of 'The Office' reminisces about his dork days here: http://herocomplex.latimes.com/2011/07/29/rainn-wilson-geeks-out-my-10-favorite-sci-fi-and-fantasy-covers/#/0 . It made me wonder what books I would put on my list. So here goes:

Isaac Asimov's
The Caves of Steel (9780553293401) 7.99 or The End of Eternity (9780765319197) 15.99

Arthur C. Clarke's
Rendezvous with Rama
(unavailable)

Robert Heinlein's
Starship Troopers
(9780441783588) 9.99

and Roger Zelzany's
9 Princes in Amber
(unavailable)

Good times, good times . . .

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"The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs . . ."
--Charles de Gaulle

1) A PERFECT VACUUM . . . Realistically, the only title that most booksellers care about restocking is A Stolen Life: A Memoir (9781451629187) 24.99 by Jaycee Dugard. The publisher, Simon & Schuster, did a small reprint of 25,000 copies last week. Obviously, that didn't go too far. Diane Sawyers interview with Ms. Dugard was rerun over the weekend to further amp up demand. I won't even mention that every time I jumped on the internet last week the first thing I saw on MSN was her image. If I were grading, S&S publicity department would certainly be awarded an A+. At any rate, the latest reprint was due at the publisher yesterday or today, so we should have it early next week. Get your backorders in . . .

2) EDEN . . . Arbutus Press has done a great job with their latest release, Vintage Views Along the West Michigan Pike: From Sand Trails to US-31 (9781933926308) 35.00 by M. Christine Byron & Thomas Wilson. Once the main route between Chicago and Mackinaw City, this books features postcards and pictures from the turn of the century to the 1930s. "Time has caught her, and will for all reasons take her . . ." Elly from The Bookman in Grand Haven said, "This is one sweet book." Also, a nice modern companion for this volume would be Traveling Michigan's Sunset Coast (9781933272092) 19.95 by Julie Albrecht Royce. From St. Joseph to the Sleeping Bear Dunes, there is plenty of fun to be had on Lake Michigan . . .

3) RETURN FROM THE STARS . . . Stieg Larsson, author of The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest (9780307269997) 27.95 is still dead. With the success of his books, publishers have been flailing around and trying to find the next big living Scandinavian author. In fact, I've heard positive arguments for Swedish author Henning Mankell's Wallander series with The Troubled Man (9780307593498) 26.95 as the latest title (and likely the last one) featuring Kurt Wallander. Also, Norwegian author Jo Nesbo, author of The Snowman (9780307595867) 25.95 has garnered a lot of favorable comparisons to Mr. Larsson. Now Lars Kepler's The Hypnotist (9780374173951) 27.00, which is actually the pseudonym for the husband and wife writing team of Alexander and Alexandra Coehlo Ahndoril, is being heralded by their publisher as the newest blockbuster in the Swedish scribe sweepstakes. Reviews are mixed. Larrrrrrrs!

4) LIBRARY OF THE 21ST CENTURY . . . Booksellers are a special breed. Borders is finally closing and instead of vindictive gloating by their competitors, I have seen nothing but sympathy and support for the 10,000 employees who have lost their jobs from just about everyone in the industry. As Mark Vonnegut once said, "We're here to get each other through this thing, whatever it is."

Odds & Sods

We have a limited quantity of signed books from three of our favourite childrens authors. We have signed copies of Meg Cabot's Abandon (9780545284103) 17.99 and Allie Finkle #1 (9780545040419) 5.99. We also have signed ones of Libba Bray's Beauty Queens (9780439895972) 18.99. And finally, we have autographed versions of Linger (9780545123297) 9.99 and Shiver (9780545123273) 9.99 by Maggie Stiefvater. Let your server know or you may get unsigned books instead . . .

Steve Hamilton's Misery Bay (9780312380434) 24.99 is back in stock and still selling well . . .

Happy Belated Lake Superior Day!

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"The critics say it's a bad show, but there ain't no critic who can climb into people's windows and turn off their [TV] sets . . ."
--Sherwood Schwartz

1) THE BRADY HOUR (2.0) . . . You may have heard about this Harry Potter^TM thing. However, due to a dirth of publicity, you may not know that the last movie in the series, Harry Potter & The Deathly Hollows 7.5 will be released at a handful of art theatres on Thursday night, so you might see some sales on Harry Potter & The Deathly Hollows (9780545139700) 14.99. A youngster, Rhyss Bowen Jones, was quoted in The Guardian as saying, "I have grown up in the Harry Potter generation, it's a limbo state after this . . ." Mr. Jones, I know how you feel, I grew up in the Sherwood Schwartz age, and I was saddened to learn that the creator of Gilligan's Island and The Brady Bunch passed away yesterday. Much like this Harry Potter fellow, Mr. Schwartz's TV shows were a rite of passage for my generation. How else would I have developed a fondness for coconut creme pies? How else would I have known that a beaded door in my swinging bachelor pad in the attic is cool? Good times . . .

2) GILLIGAN'S ISLAND . . . Okay, here's the scoop on the hot titles this week: Steve Hamilton's Misery Bay (9780312380434) 24.99 has been selling like crazy in our neck of the woods. The publisher is out. We have an order that will be shipped from their bindery on Friday, most likely it will arrive here next Tuesday. By the way, my good friends at Books Connection in Livonia will be entertaining Mr. Hamilton for an autographing on July 29. Jaycee Dugard's A Stolen Life: A Memoir (9781451629187) 24.99 is the second hottest book in the nation and we are sold out. The publisher is out too. We are expecting a partial re-stock order next week. Backorders are piling up faster than Rupert Murdoch's News of the World hacking allegations, so get your order in. Finally, the biggest seller has been the long awaited fifth book in the George R.R. Martin opus, A Dance with Dragons (9780553801477) 35.00. We're down to a few copies in the stash, but we are expecting another big batch tomorrow . . .

3) BIG JOHN, LITTLE JOHN . . . Sometimes I think that there is some sort of synergy in this universe. A higher power? Maybe. Pure coincidence? I dunno. Recently, I received David Bowie's Hunky Dory on CD as a gift, which led me to replaying most his catalogue over the ensuing weeks. And now, lo and behold, we have a new biography called Davie Bowie: Starman (9780316032254) 25.99 by Paul Trynka. I can't put it down. The reviews have been outstanding and Bowie's band, The Spiders from Mars, featured one of the most underrated guitarists of all-time, Mick 'Ronno' Ronson. John, I'm only dancing . . .

"Good night, Funnyman, may the Schwartz be with you!"

Odds & Sods

Geez, I put a new northern Michigan title in the Partners Page last week and all I got was *crickets*. Everybody complains that there aren't any new releases about upper Michigan, so here we go again: Red Hot Best of Northern Michigan 2011-2012 (9780918293091) 14.95 by Traverse Magazine is reasonably priced and it highlights the best northern Michigan has to offer in 100 categories. So say Yes to the UP, eh!

There's a new book out by the staff of my favourite TV show, Pawn Stars. It's called License To Pawn (9781401324308) 23.99 by the owner of the pawn shop, Rick Harrison. Good stuff!