"I was very pleased, obviously, to have outsold such great writers. But I'm not insane -- I do realize that I am a popular writer who people buy to take on vacation . . ."Dearest Mick--
Chip, my loyal manservant, and I had just finished installing my newfangled satellite radio when your gift box arrived via the parcel post. As you well know, I am a huge fan of that great American Glenn Beck. I have come to miss his chalkboard and his well-reasoned conspiracy theories since I have moved to Napoli, so imagine my elation when we tuned him in and Mr. Beck was touting a new title called Michael Vey: The Prisoner of Cell Block 25 (9781451656503) 17.99. I was disappointed that you had not sent me a copy until I realized that the on-sale date is next Tuesday. I cannot recall if I had mentioned to you that I had been incarcerated in a Turkish prison during The Great War after Winston Churchill's Gallipoli fiasco. A detestable place. Of course, Turkey was known as the Ottoman Empire in those days, and I can see you have sent a copy of Orlando Figes' brilliant history, The Crimean War (9780805074604) 35.00. In fact, the Turks were on our side in that lovely war. The Charge of the Light Brigade and all that bloody nonsense.
I know you try to keep me current with all the latest trends, and I suspect Jim Butcher's Ghost Story (9780451463791) 27.95 is another case in point. Well, I'll let you know, Mick, that I was performing seances with Aleister Crowley and he was spewing this paranormal balderdash long before you were born. There really is nothing new under the sun.
And then Chip pulled Yannick Murphy's The Call (9780062023148) 27.95 out of the box. I was a bit puzzled at first. So let me try this . . .
Call: A bottle of Dom Perignon 1927 is for sale.
Action: Purchase immediately.
Result: Got drunk.
Thoughts while spinning in bed: I hope I don't get the dry heaves.
What Chip said to me: Do you want a bucket?
I will also pretend that I did not notice Mike Moreno's book The 17 Day Diet (9781451648652) 25.00 in your care package. If I feel like I am overweight, I will try something crazy like eating less and exercising more. As always, your gifts are appreciated.
Charles Edmund Wilson III
Odds & Sods
Rainn Wilson, my favourite character from the American version of 'The Office' reminisces about his dork days here: http://herocomplex.latimes.com/2011/07/29/rainn-wilson-geeks-out-my-10-favorite-sci-fi-and-fantasy-covers/#/0 . It made me wonder what books I would put on my list. So here goes:
The Caves of Steel (9780553293401) 7.99 or The End of Eternity (9780765319197) 15.99
Arthur C. Clarke's
Rendezvous with Rama
and Roger Zelzany's
9 Princes in Amber
Good times, good times . . .