Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"And we played the first thing that came into our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World, it was the Best Song in the World . . . "
--Tenacious D, Tribute

It really is boring up here in Heaven. First of all, a white toga may appear flattering on some people, but it's not a good look for me, Andy Rooney. In my younger days we would tie an onion to our belt because that's what we did. Good luck with that now. And don't even get me started on the whole halo thing.

Anyway, I wanted to get in one more of my trademark rants for this upcoming Christmas, and the Big Guy has given me the authorization to do so. You know I'm not a big fan of modern technology or what passes for popular culture. Who can forget my famous 'What the %$#& is a Lady Gaga?' screed? When I was a youngster we listened to The Andrews Sisters and we liked it!

At any rate, what is this whole e-book nonsense? When I get a Christmas present, I want something with a little weight behind it. It has to be a book like Erich Lessing's The Louvre: All the Paintings (9781579128869) 75.00, or a kid's title like Daniel Lipkowitz's The LEGO Idea's Book (9780756686062) 24.99. And what's up with Legos today? When I was raising my son we had square and rectangular blocks and Brian had to use his imagination. Now they have these Jedis, ninjas, that Harry Pinter kid, and real &%$#% windows. Well, I guess I shouldn't worry, the publisher is already out of stock until December 20, so you aren't going to find it anyway.

Back to e-books, so how are you going to give an e-book as a present? A little namby-pamby gift card? No, I want a physical book like my friend Tom Brokaw's Time Of Our Lives (9781400064588) 26.00, or Diane Keaton's Then Again (9781400068784) 26.00 that I can crack over the head of a New York city mugger if need be. By the by, I'll have to see if Tommy mentions our 'lost weekend' in Singapore in his new book. We drank so many Mai Tais that weekend that they had to open a new little umbrella factory. True story.

I just learned that my old buddy Regis has a new book out too. It's called How I Got This Way (9780062109750) 25.99 and it is a hoot. You know Reeg was almost as big of a fan of the Fightin' Irish as I was. Almost. We once had a contest to see who was the all-time best complainer. And wouldn't you know that $#@% Reeg won hands down.

Oh, and how about my good friend Betty White? She used to love to stroke my caterpillar-like eyebrows and sing the Butterfly Song. It drove me @#$% crazy. Her new book is Betty & Friends (9780399157547) 26.95. And her 'friends' are the animals at the local zoo. What a sweet, wonderful woman.

By the way, in case you were wondering, Kurt Cobain and I have made up. In fact it's my turn to relieve him from playing the harp. Now get off my @#$% lawn!

Odds & Sods

Our good friend and fellow Michigander Susan Newhof attended this year's GLiBA convention and she was promoting her new book, Spirits & Wine (9780472118007) 24.00. It's a fictional story of a west Michigan couple who buy their dream house and find out that they are not the only tenants. Great fun . . .

We have just received more of Chris Matthews' Jack Kennedy: Elusive Hero (9781451635089) 27.50. Speaking of dead Presidents, Being George Washington (9781451659269) 26.00 by Glenn Beck goes on-sale next Tuesday. It's sure to be a bestsller . . .

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