Ye Olde Partners Page
*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"There are people who barely feel poetry, and they are generally dedicated to teaching it . . ."
--Jorge Luis Borges
E! PRESENTS: BOOK BASH with The Good Doctor
(Ryan Seacrest and Doctor Delay are seated at a high desk on a super glitzy set with giant TV monitors and banks and banks of lights overhead.)
Ryan Seacrest: I would like to welcome The Good Doctor to the 'E' family. He will have his fingers on the pulse of the book business and keep you apprised on all the late breaking news in the exciting field of books. Whacha got, Doc?
Doctor Delay: (mumbles) It's Doctor Delay. (louder) In divorce news: Gwen Stefani and that guy who sang that song about Strawberry Fields . . . no, not that one . . . he's dead . . . and no, not Oasis either . . . have divorced after 13 years of marriage. Men, you can now go back to your 1995 fantasies about Gwen. And to put it all in perspective, The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield was the #1 bestselling book in 1995. Also, Reba McEntire, C&W star and author of Reba, has divorced her husband. They were married so long ago that Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol, which was released in 1843, was still atop the bestseller lists. (Canned laughter)
Ryan Seacrest: On a more serious note, several years ago, D. Randall Blythe, the lead singer of Lamb of God had been arrested upon his arrival in Prague. He had pushed a concert goer off their stage, who later died, and Blythe was arrested for his murder. His new book, Dark Days (9780306823145) 26.99 details his incarceration in a gulag-style prison and his subsequent trial. It's getting some buzz.
Doctor Delay: Speaking of gulag-style prisons, if Mark Levin (pronunced Le-veen) were in charge, all liberals would be rounded up and imprisoned immediately. Mark is back to plunder the pocketbooks of his disciples with his new title, Plunder & Deceit (9781451606300) 27.00. The deceit being that this is no different than the last three book he's 'written.' Also, Arthur C. Brooks, the Imperial Pasha of the American Enterprise Institute, has released the ironically entitled The Conservative Heart (9780062319753) 27.99. I guess Arthur is giving it another go at Compassionate Conservatism. Good luck, you're going to need it . . . RINO. Lastly, my old friend Stoner Bill texted me that Partners has received a new shipment of Aziz Ansari's Modern Romance (9781594206276) 28.95 and Dr. Seuss' What Pet Should I Get? (9780553524260) 17.99.
Ryan Seacrest: Stoner Bill? Isn't that one of the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers?
Doctor Delay: No, he was my best friend and my former co-host. That's it! (He unclips his tie.) You can do this $%#$& show by yourself. I'm going home.
Odds & Sods
Our good friend and Elvis Costello lookalike J. Ryan Stradal popped in today to sign copies of his first book, Kitchens of the Great Midwest (9780525429142) 25.00. He will be signing at Literati Bookstore tonight. First come, first served on signed copies . . .
St. Martins Press has cancelled publication of Steve Hamilton's upcoming title, The Second Life of Nick Mason. Due to their lackluster marketing campaign, Steve has extricated himself from his contract with St. Martins. The Edgar Award winning author is now fielding offers from other publishers. I'm just disappointed because I thought it was a bio on Pink Floyd drummer Nick Mason. . .