Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"Libraries are full of ghosts, books being the most haunted things of all . . ."
                                                                                     --Maya Panika

by Cub Reporter Ranay Saltz

  Today I am preparing to ambush B. Traven Jr. on the set of his latest beer commercial.  He cut short our last interview when I started asking the tough questions:

"Hello, I'm B. Traven Jr. and when I'm not savoring a bottle of ice cold Schlitz malt liquor, I like to crack open a copy of Paul Bialas' Schlitz Brewing Art (9780985672539) 47.99 and reminisce about my days at the old Milwaukee brewery.  It's Schliiiiitzilicious . . ."

  The director announces, "Cut!  Print!  Aaaaaand that's a wrap!  Great job, B."
  I sidle up to him and say,  "Mr. Traven, I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot last time.  It was all my fault.  Can we give it another go?"
  B. Traven narrows his eyes, "Really?  Last time we met for an interview, you accused me of cavorting with dinosaurs and rayguns and such."  He pauses and adds,  "And you do know that's my gig, Ranay.  Ha, ha!"

Ranay:  Welcome, Mr. Traven.  I'm Ranay Saltz for Conspiracy Nutz.  Halloween is rapidly approaching and I have to imagine that you enjoy this time of year.

B. Traven Jr:  Ranay, you know I like chasing after alien spaceships and the Loch Ness sea monster as much as the next guy, but Halloween is different.  I'd cut my teeth on paranormal investigations and this time of year I switch back to my one true love: Ghosts.  There is nothing like a great haunting.  I'll grab a copy of Gerald Hunter's Haunted Michigan 3 (9781933272375) 15.95 or Tedsen & Rydel's Haunted Travels of Michigan III: Spirits Rising (9781933272412) 14.95 and start booking my travels for the season.  Both are brand new this year.


Ranay:  Just ghosts? There's a lot of seasonal creepiness.  Witches? Werewolves?

B. Traven Jr:  Zombies!  I love zombies.  Ha, ha!  In fact, I just stumbled upon Zombie Cribbage (9781452122113) 19.95 and it's adorable.  It has a graveyard cribbage board, zombie pegs, and zombie playing cards.  What's not to love?

Ranay:  I didn't realize you were such a cribbage enthusiast . . .   

B. Traven:  I'm sure there are a few things that you don't know about me.  (His phone rings and there's a short conversation.)  I'm going to have to cut this short.  I've just learned that my good friend Tom Clancy has passed away.    
                                                                                    Odds & Sods

Sometimes a title is just too good and the jokes are just too easy.  Heart: An American Medical Odyssey (9781476725390) 28.00 by Dick Cheney would be a perfect example.  It releases on October 22 and he will be appearing all over the media.  (60 Minutes, Today Show, Hannity, etc.)  As for the jokes, I could go the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz (9780375869945) 4.99 route or the Grinch from How the Grinch Stole Christmas (9780394800790) 15.00.  Or if I wanted to be topical, I'm sure there's one or two Obamacare jokes in there somewhere, but it makes me feel dirty.  And it would be an Anthony Weiner in an on-line chat room kind of dirty.  So no, I'm taking the high road . . . 


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