Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities . . ."
--J.R.R. Tolkien

His office stank of old cigar smoke. He had ripped out the walls and replaced them with mahogany. Every fixture in his office, from doorknobs to the ceiling fan, had been supplanted with diamond-encrusted gold ornaments. He had ordered his legion of maids to wash every single square inch of his penthouse office over and over again, but it hadn't come clean. Yes, it was a subtle odor, but to his nostrils it smelled worse than a festering pot of kimchi. He could have moved to hundreds of other offices in the skyscraper, but he was Rupert Murdoch and he needed to be at the pinnacle. Symbolically, he stood at the top of his empire's pyramid.

The intercom buzzed.

"Your lordship, Mr. John Sellers, your ten o'clock appointment is here," said his long time assistant Wilhelm.

He hated Sellers. He contemplated letting him cool his heels in the outer office for an hour or two, but he figured it was best to just get it over with.

"Go ahead, Wilhelm . . ."

The door burst open and Seller's great bulk came careening through the doorway like a runaway train. His smile was the same as all salesmen, toothy and insincere, a dim headlight. His voice boomed, "Rupee baby, have I got a book for you! Actually it's three books! A trilogy! Remember how big The Hunger Games (9780545425117) 12.99 was? This is gonna be bigger! Huge! It's set in a dystopian future and this young girl has to choose a faction to join when she turns sixteen. All the factions are at odds with one another, so they might have to go to war. The first one is called Divergent (9780062024039) 9.99. And instead of a flaming circle with a fiery bird on the cover, we're going to put a flaming circle with a flaming flame in the center. The next book Insurgent (9780062024046) 17.99 will have a tree in the middle of the circle on the jacket . . ."

There's a twinkle in Rupert's eye, "Will the tree be flaming?"

Sellers shrugs, "I guess it could be."

Rupert makes a steeple out of his fingers, "Hmmm, it's a rip-off. But they do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I like it. What else do you have?"

Sellers makes a frame with his hands, "Picture this! A book called Bookshelf (9780500516140) 24.95 which is about bookshelves and when you've finished reading it, guess what! You can put it on your bookshelf!"

Rupert shakes his head, "Naw, Seinfeld already did that bit when Kramer designed a coffee table book that could be made into a coffee table. It was clever, but it didn't sell worth squat . . ."

Suddenly, his office erupts with a squall of sirens, flashing red lights, and a computer-generated voice that cuts through it all, "Security breach. Basement level."

Murdoch jumps out of his chair, "Sellers, stay here. I'll be right back!"

Odds & Sods

Vacation season will soon begin in the Great White North and I have a couple of new coloring books that should sell well in upper Michigan. First of all, we have the Amazing Michigan Coloring Book (9780615371030) 14.95. It is pricey, but it has over 100 pages of fun that will entertain your kids for hours. And you con't put a price on that. The other one from Diane Napierkowski is ABC's and 1-2-3's of the Great Lakes (9780615598741) 6.95. Order yours today . . .

We also have ace photographer Craig Blacklock's new books, Pictured Rocks (9781892472274) 34.95. If that price is prohibitive, it is also available in a souvenir edition Pictured Rocks (9781892472250) 8.95.

No comments:

Post a Comment