Thursday, May 17, 2012

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"We are an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star.
But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special . . ."
--Stephen Hawking

B. Traven Jr. here. You may recall that the last time I spoke with you, I was trapped in one of Rupert Murdoch's closets. It gave me some time to reflect. Stephen Hawking once said that the absence of travelers from the future is a convincing argument against time travel, which is a variation on the Fermi Paradox. This is one of the few times Mr. Hawking has been wrong. First of all, not many of us travel backwards in time, and secondly, we are very, very careful not to expose ourselves. We do not want to contaminate the timeline. Like Giorgio, some ancient astronaut theorists have confused our appearances with alien visitations. I wish I could tell him the truth. Ha, ha!

As the Exarch of Media Permutations, I was investigating historical trends in mass media outlets during the early Modern Period. And before I was sidetracked by Fox News, I was trying to understand the phenomenon behind E.L. James' series of books, including: Fifty Shades of Grey (9780345803481) 15.95, Fifty Shades Darker (9780345803498) 15.95, and Fifty Shades Freed (9780345803504) 15.95. My fellow Exarchs and I believe that there must be some sort of 'outside' help for such poorly written books to become an overnight publishing sensation. Ha, ha!

However, while investigating this anomaly, I discovered that the media mogul Rupert Murdoch owned several guard raptors. Now the obvious explanation was that they were merely clones, ala Crichton's Jurassic Park (9780345370778) 7.99. Whereby, I find it much more plausible that these 'pets' could have been brought through one of our time portals. Also, American Chillers #34: Savage Dinosaurs of South Dakota (9781893699595) 5.99 by Jonathan Rand had been released in the same week. In this book, the kids believe the dinosaurs in a new theme park to be animatronic, but they aren't. This all seemed to be more than just pure coincidence to me. Ha, ha!

I know Rupert Murdoch had not been a fan of ex-President Al Gore and he would do anything to disrupt the main timeline to remove him. Also, in my timeline David Foster Wallace's The Pale King (9780316074223) 16.99 had won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, but inexplicably, now no Pulitzer Prize had been awarded in that category. Something didn't smell right.

I heard the lock tumblers on the door click. Rupert Murdoch stood outside the doorway with two raptors on steel leashes. He laughed manically and says, "So, B. Traven Jr., we meet again. And unfortunately for you . . . This will be the last time. Feast my pretties!"

You know what the weird thing was? I had never met him before . . .

Odds & Sods

We bid another children's author good- bye. Jean Craighead George passed away yesterday. She was 92 years old. I had only read one of her books. I was assigned to read My Side of the Mountain (9780141312422) 6.99 in about 3rd grade or so. I remember that I wanted to live out in the woods after I read it. She will be missed . . .

Maurice Sendak is no longer with us, but his books live on. We just received our re-order on his most popular title, Where the Wild Things Are (9780060254926) 17.95 in hardcover and (9780064431781) 8.95 in paperback. We also have In the Night Kitchen (9780064434362) 7.95 back in . . .

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