Ye Olde Partners Page

*News From the Glamorous World of Bookselling*

"All my daydreams are disasters,
She's the one I think I love . . ."
--Uncle Tupelo, New Madrid

SCRYING WITH DOCTOR JOHN DEE

The Detroit Red Wings hockey team won their best of seven playoff series with the Phoenix Coyotes, and so my television screen gets to live for at least another round. Ted, the warehouse manager had mentioned that the Wings usually come back in the next game with a good performance after a bad one. I agreed. He also suggested that I go easy on Laura Bush, whose new book Spoken From the Heart (9781439155202) 30.00 goes on-sale May 4.

I responded, "Ted, I have nothing against Laura Bush. She's fairly innocuous. She's just your typical political wife. I hope she does well because we could use a bestseller right about now."

However, I am taking umbrage at the fact that The New York Times has broken the embargo on yet another title by obtaining this at a local bookstore. I want to know what bookstore is already selling it and what kind of repercussions the store will suffer for violating the strict on-sale date. Yeah, I know. I'm not holding my breath.

On a related note, Laura's husband has announced the release of his memoir, Decider Points (9780307590619) 35.00 on November 9. I wondered if Dick Cheney knows about George's literary foray and it reminded me of this bit from the movie This is Spinal Tap.

The limo driver referring to Sammy Davis' Yes, I Can (9780374522681) 19.95 says, "You know what the title of that book should be? Yes, I Can if Frank Sinatra Says it's OK. 'Cause Frank calls the shots for all of those guys."

I'm not sure if George will be going on Oprah, but Laura is penciled in for either May 3 or 4, so expect this one to shoot to the top of the bestseller lists like a speeding Chevy Impala.

Speaking of Oprah, Geneen Roth, author of Women, Food, and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything (9781416543077) 24.00 is scheduled to appear on Oprah's show on May 10. We saw a blip in sales when Oprah just mentioned this one a couple of weeks ago, so imagine what a full hour should do. No really, imagine it. I'm thinking it will sell in Eat, Pray, Love (97801431184280) 16.00 proportions which, by the way, will be released as a movie on August 13. Take note, this is the ISBN for the new movie tie-in, which is due in July. The movie stars James Franco, Julia Roberts, and Javier Bardem. Man, that's a great cast. In the meantime, maybe I can get a copy of the DVD at that bookstore in New York. Psych!

"Time to go! Hurry Doctor John Dee! To the time machine!"

Odds & Sods

Julie is excited about two new books that Partners is distributing, Brunch on the Porch (9781616589851) 17.95 and Dinner on the Porch (9781607431985) 17.95. These tasty little cookbooks by Le Cordon Bleu trained Chef Jim Voltz contain his favourite classic menus for entertaining guests at his Crystal Lake cottage. It's full of both delicious recipes and delightful stories . . .

By the way, keep an eye on J.R. Ward's latest book, Lover Mine (9780451229854) 25.95. Her readers seem to being growing exponentially with the release of every book in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series and this one has been no exception . . .

Ye Olde Partners Page

*News From the Glamorous World of Bookselling*

"Mother, you had me but I never had you,
I wanted you but you didn't want me
So I got to tell you, goodbye, goodbye . . ."
--John Lennon, Mother

MOTHER'S DAY EXTRAVAGANZA

Last night I turned on the television to watch 'Lost' and I caught the tail end of 'Dancing with the Stars.' Much to my surprise, America's favourite mom, Kate Gosselin, was voted off of the show. She was teary-eyed and contrite and said all the right things. I was hoping Kate would squeeze in a plug for her new book, I Just Want You to Know (9780310318965) 22.99. But alas, she didn't mention her book and she lost out on an excellent opportunity to publicize it in front of a national audience. C'est la vie. And what's up with Sayid on 'Lost'? It's like he's Darth Vader or something . . .
Mothers like Oprah. Don't ask me why, I find it completely baffling. You may not have noticed that Kitty Kelley, author of Oprah: A Biography (9780307394866) 30.00 has been unable to get any media publicity whatsoever on her new bio, which is her bread and butter. Other than 'The Today Show,' just about every talk show has rejected an appearance by Kitty since they fear that Oprah will blacklist them in the future. So here I am trying to do my part and give Kitty a little limelight in the Partners Page. Ironically, I caught a clip of Gayle King, Oprah's 'best friend', on another talk show promoting something for 'O magazine', and the interviewer asked, "What do you think about this Kitty Kelley book and the fact that she interviewed 850 people?" And Gayle responded, "Oprah doesn't even know 850 people." Really? I am now wearing my incredulous expression . . .
I thought the GeicoTM cavemen and Teabag Party members were the only people who still read newspapers, but if this were the case, I don't believe Cleveland Plains Dealer columnist Regina Brett's God Never Blinks (9780446556521) 21.99 would be selling so well. She has been signing at a bunch of events in the Cleveland area, too. If you're unfamiliar with her book, it features Ms. Brett's thoughts on life and becoming a better a person. She is a single mom and a cancer survivor, so her title would not only work well for Mother's Day, but it would be a great choice for a graduation gift.

Finally, Mennonite in a Little Black Dress (9780805092257) 14.00 by Rhoda Janzen was a regional bestseller in hardcover, but in tradepaper, this account of her disasterous divorce and moving back home with her Mennonite parents might just become a national bestseller. Oh wait, and Larry King. I bet Larry King still reads the newspaper.


Odds & Sods

As Yakoff Smirnoff once said, "I love this country!" And I can not think of a better book to share your love of America with your kids than Klutz's The Slightly Odd United States of America (9781591747512) 12.95. This book is full of wacky facts that will amaze your friends and neighbors . . .
Paul Harding's Tinkers (9781934137123) 14.95, a year and a half old tradepaper from an obscure publisher was the winner of this year's Pulitzer Prize for fiction. We are expecting stock around the end of next week. I would recommend backordering this title if you want to get in on the action . . .

Ye Olde Partners Page

*News From the Glamorous World of Bookselling*

"Oprah doesn't do stairs."
--Oprah Winfrey according to Kitty Kelley's
Oprah: A Biography (9780307394866) 30.00

Kitty Kelley's tell-all biography Oprah went on-sale yesterday and I wasn't sure how Doctor Delay was going to take it. Initially, I was thinking worst-case scenario and I envisioned Double D as Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now. I could see him with charcoal drawings covering his face, alone in his darkened basement, whispering over and over again, "Are you an Oprah?"

I crept down the basement stairs, and I was surprised to see it well lit. In fact, Double D was sitting on the 'smelly' couch with a newspaper, and he had a grin from ear to ear. Oprah posters wrapped the walls like wallpaper. He motioned me over and said, "Dude, check this out. They have summations of the 2010 Pulitzer Prize winners and if they were any more pretentious sounding, I swear William Kristol would fall out of the newspaper and into my lap."

In his snotty Bill Kristol voice, he said, "Fiction: Tinkers (9781934137123) 14.95 by Paul Harding [is] a powerful celebration of life in which a New England father and son, through suffering and joy, transcend their imprisoning lives and offer new ways of perceiving the world and mortality."

"Hey Aldous," I chuckle, "If only there were some pill you could take that would 'offer new ways of perceiving the world."

Double D continues, "History: Lords of Finance (9780143116806) 18.00 by Liaquat Ahamed [is] a compelling acount of how four bankers played crucial roles in triggering the Great Depression and ultimately transforming the United States into the world's financial leader."

"USA! USA! USA! USA! USA . . ."

"Yeah Bill, I get the point," he adds, "But wait! There's more. Biography: The First Tycoon (9781400031740) 19.95 by T.J. Stiles [is] a penetrating (snickering) portrait of a complex, self-made titan who revolutionized transportation, amassed vast wealth and shaped the economic world . . ."

"Oh, so he was an early version of Paris Hilton, but minus the penetrating."

Double D shakes his head, "C'mon Bill, let's try to keep this PG-13. Poetry: Versed by Rae Armantrout [is] a penetrating (snickering) portrait. . . Hey, we already did this one. Well, it is poetry, so I guess nobody really cares."

I laughed and said in my whiney voice, "But April is National Poetry Month. Poetry is so important. It helps us understand the human condition. Blah, blah."

"And finally, General Nonfiction: The Dead Hand (9780385524377) 35.00 by David E. Hoffman [is] a well documented narrative that examines the terrifying doomsday competition between two superpowers and how weapons of mass detruction still imperil humankind."

"Dude, I thought Saddam Hussein had all the weapons of mass destruction, so now that he's dead we're all safe and we're all going to live happily ever after."

Odds & Sods

We have autographed books. J.D. went down to the Detroit Tigers home opener and had Mike Lupica sign all our copies of Batboy (9780399250002) 17.99.

Becky our legendary children's buyer was at a library event, so we have signed copies of Lemony Snicket's The End (9780064410168) 12.99, Lemony Snicket: Unauthorized Biography (9780060562250) 6.99, and Lemony Snicket: The Composer is Dead (9780061236273) 17.99.

Also signed by the artist E.B. Lewis, we have limited quantities of D is for Drinking Gourd (9781585362936) 17.95, My Best Friend (9780670059898) 15.99, and Coming on Home Soon (9780399237485) 16.99 . . .

Ye Olde Partners Page

*News From the Glamorous World of Bookselling*

"A Farewell to Arms, by Hemingway. Good stuff. That's what I write. That's what I write . . ."
--Nicholas Sparks in his USA Today interview

Huh? Did Nicholas Sparks, author of The Last Song (9780446570978) 14.99 and the upcoming Miley Cyrus movie vehicle just compare himself to Ernest Hemingway? Seriously? Oh wait, it gets better . . .

'Cormac McCarthy? "Horrible," [Sparks] says, looking at Blood Meridian (9780679728757) 15.00. "This is probably the most pulpy, overwrought, melodramatic cowboy vs. Indians story ever written."

Really, Mr. Sparks? Personally, I don't think you're fit to even carry Cormac McCarthy's typewriter for him, but maybe I'm just being mean. Let's see what the folks over at Cracked.com have to say:

http://www.cracked.com/funny-4725-nicholas-sparks/

See. This is why we can't have nice things. Speaking of 'pop culture icons that I wish would just go away forever,' Kate Gosselin's I Just Want You to Know (9780310318965) 22.99 releases on April 13. She will be dancing her way on to The Today Show, The View, Fox & Friends, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and Rachael Ray. Meh . . .

Much like Abe Vigoda, I was surprised to learn that Kitty Kelley is still alive. Apparently, she's still writing books too. She has taken over three years to research her biography on the 'most powerful person in the multiverse' -- Oprah Winfrey. Oprah: A Biography (9780307394866) 30.00 will also be released on April 13. Ms. Kelley likes to court controversy with her unauthorized memoirs and I'm sure there will be something shocking in her latest book that will hit the news cycle for a week or two. No word yet, but I don't expect Ms. Kelley to make an appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show . . .

Teabaggin' with Sean Hannity. Mr. Hannity's manifesto Conservative Victory (9780062003058) 14.99 went on-sale yesterday. The former partner of Alan Colmes will be autographing at the Schuler's Books & Music in Grand Rapids tomorrow. I offered to bake a coconut cream pie tonight and present it to Sean at the signing, but Mike said not to bother. By the way, Dick Morris also has a blueprint to take America back from the evil 'libruls.' It's called . . . duh-duh-duh-da . . . 2010 Take Back America: A Battle Plan (9780061988448) 26.99. I haven't seen Mr. Morris' appearance schedule yet, but I'm sure he'll be on all of the Fox Network talk shows. And ladies, watch your toes . . .

Odds & Sods

I've been led to believe that success in America is measured in dollars and cents. And to reiterate that message, Phil Town is back with his new book, Payback Time (9780307461865) 26.99. He will show you how to stockpile wealth. Phil must know what he's talking about, he has really nice teeth . . .

I'm excited about a couple of new alphabet books from Sleeping Bear Press. I'm always a sucker for Roman history books, and Debbie Michael Shoulders' G is for Gladiator (9781585364572) 17.95 is a keeper. Also, my grandmother would love Eve Begley Kiehm's B is for Bagpipes: A Scotland Alphabet (9781585364534) 17.95, Brotha . . .

Ye Olde Partners Page

*News From the Glamorous World of Bookselling*

"Well, you give me Dick Cheney and a waterboard for an hour, and I'll have him confessing to the Sharon Tate murders . . ."
--Jesse Ventura, American Conspiracies

My day started out well. I noticed on the internet that the Lansing area would have a high of 72 degrees today. I then stumbled upon a video of Koko the gorilla picking out a kitten:
http://wsrz.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=104673&article=6928142
And I thought to myself, 'This is going to be a great day that is filled with puppies, unicorns, and rainbows.'

There were blue skies as far as the eye could see on my drive to work, so I decided to treat myself to a Hostess Lemon Pie. I rejoiced to the news that Stephenie Meyer is releasing a novella based on a secondary character from Eclipse (9780316027656) 12.99, which is entitled The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner (9780316125581) 13.99. The release date is June 5, and a dollar from each book purchased will be donated to the American Red Cross International Response Fund. This is good news for the book business.

And then the storm clouds rolled in. Ted snatched my lemon pie from my desktop, and much to my chagrin, pointed out that it has 500 calories and 55% of the recommended daily amount of saturated fats. So I deflated like a balloon and decided to turn the Partners Page over to the new guy:

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

Thanks, Mick. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that your buddy Ted is part of a larger conspiracy to ruin your day. Ha, ha. Former Judge Andrew Napolitano is not afraid to shake the nest of the largest group of conspirators -- The U.S. Government. First of all, Mr. Napolitano's Lies The Government Told You (9781595552662) 24.99 has a forward by my idol, Ron Paul. However, I did not realize that merely purchasing this book may endanger your life, as he points out on page 295: ". . . I want to remind you that your reading habits may be monitored for 'suspicious' behavior. Considering the title of this book, your name might now be on a list authorized by the Patriot Act . . ." I guess it's kind of like that movie 'Conspiracy Theory', when Mel Gibson's character buys Catcher in the Rye (9780316769488) 6.99 and warning bells scream in a government bunker deep underground. Ha, ha. Speaking of the government, we are seeing a lot of movement on Diane Ravitch's Death and Life of the Great American School System (9780465014910) 26.95. Not only are they putting flouride in the water, they are brainwashing your kids in school, too. Ha, ha. And finally, we have been restocked on my nemesis' book, American Conspiracy (9781602398023) 24.95. Hey Jesse, we will soon be offering a free roll of tinfoil with every purchase of your book? Ha, ha.

Odds & Sods

There aren't many baseball players who are worth $187 million. However, Minnesota Twin Joe Mauer would probably be an exception. We have a new book called Joe Mauer: From Hometown Hero to MVP (9781600785030) 14.95 that every Twin's fan should own. As a Detroit Tigers' fan, Joe has my respect . . .

Rocko's Modern Life: Rocco DiSpirito's Now Eat This: 150 Comfort Foods Under 350 Calorie (9780345520906) 14.95 has been selling like gangbusters. We have received a new shipment and you might want to grab some before they are gone. Somehow I'm suspecting my Hostess Lemon Pie will not be featured in his book . . .