Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Book Stalkers

Ye Olde Partners Page
*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"There are no such things as book hoarders, only aspiring librarians . . ."
                                                                                     --Inafetse Santos

Channel 13 Community Access TV Presents: Book Stalkers
(Camera pans Double D's basement.  Stoner Bill and Double D are seated behind a large newscaster's console in giant duck-billed platypus outfits.)

Stoner Bill:  Hey Dudes and Dudettes!  Welcome to Book Stalkers! Boy, do we have a treat in store for you. Today's guest is Tony McCracken, AKA The Book Whisperer and he has flown all the way from Homer, Alaska. Duuuuuude!

Book Whisperer:  Thanks, Bill. It's a privilege to be here. The long flight from Alaska gave me an opportunity to finish Jane Mayer's latest book, Dark Money (9780385535595) 29.95.  Scary stuff  . . .

Double D:  Hey, Tony. So let me get this straight -- you can hold any book in your hands and tell me what the title of it is.

Book Whisperer:  Oh, I can do more than that. I can tell you the author, a brief synopsis of the plot, and sometimes, and I can't even stress this enough, sometimes I can tell if the book will be a bestseller.

Stoner Bill:  Really? Well,  the good Doctor and I have taken the liberty of removing the book jackets on some of the new releases, and we're going to put your ability to the test. (He tosses him a Star Wars bandana.) Here's your blindfold.

Book Whisperer:  (Bill hands him a book.)  Hmmm, I believe this is Locally Laid  (9781594634222) 26.00 by Lucie Amundsen . . .

Stoner Bill:  Heh, heh!

Book Whisperer:  Sorry, Bill.  It's not what you think. On a night out with her husband, he confessed that he wanted to quit his office job and start an egg farm in Duluth. They bought 2,000 chickens and now they have a thriving business.  Next!

Stoner Bill:  (He hands him another book.) Good Luck!

Book Whisperer:  This one is definitely a Clive Cussler title.  Maybe Gangsta . . .  no, wait . . .  The Gangster (9780399175954) 29.00.  Detective Isaac Bell, in early 20th century New York City, is trying to take down an Italian crime family.

Stoner Bill:  Holy crap! Are you some kind of alien-human hybrid?

Book Whisperer:  No, I see dead people. 

Odds & Sods
Whether you love him or you hate him, everyone has an opinion about presidential candidate Donald Trump.  George Beahm has assembled an unauthorized collection of Trump quotes in his new title, Trump Talk (9781440595592) 12.99. Now you can get his bold insight straight from the horse's mouth . . .

Loren D. Estleman is back with a new collection of short stories called Desperate Detroit (9781440596230) 16.99.  Oddly, the city of Flint is probably in more desperate straits than Detroit, but just barely . . .

Our condolences to the family of George Martin, who will always be the fifth Beatle to me . . .

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