B. TRAVEN JR.

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*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"A whale ship was my Yale College and my Harvard . . ."

                                                                                     --Herman Melville

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

 

  B. Traven here.  Welcome to my new Animal Planet show, Great Lakes Alien Lawman, and do we have some fun in store for you this week.  My team went in search of the mermaid Tallulah, a legend which is recounted in Denise Brennan-Nelson's book, Tallulah: Mermaid of the Great Lakes (9781585369096) 16.99.  We outfitted our ship, The S.S. Minnow, with state of the art technology including sonar, deep sea diving equipment, and of course, the indispensable new edition of Roger Lelievre's book, Know Your Ships 2016 (9781891849213) 18.95.  I never leave home without it.  Ha, ha!

  While aboard the S.S. Minnow, I was reading my new copy of William Rapai's Lake Invaders:  Invasive Species and the Battle for the Future of the Great Lakes (9780814341247) 27.99, when we heard a few weird sonar blips in Lake Superior.  Holy cow, this could be a monster-sized sea lamprey, which would explain why several divers have recently gone missing.  We'll be right back after these commercial messages:

 

 

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  Welcome back!  It turns out that the sonar had malfunctioned and what we were really seeing was merely a long underwater moraine on the lake floor.  Ha, ha!

  Several days later, we were chugging through some rough seas on Lake Michigan.  I was reading the ironically titled new Harlan Coben book, Fool Me Once (9780525955092) 28.00, when suddenly it was flung from my hands by the shock of a large object striking the side of the S.S. Minnow.  There was also the sickening sound of shattered wood, which was followed quickly by the gush of water streaming into the hold.  I picked myself up from the deck and looked aft.  Creasing the water like a torpedo, I gazed upon the largest albino sturgeon I have ever seen.  I was agape.  It was circling back around again on the surface of the water in a wide, lazy circle.

  I half shuffled and half crabwalked towards the prow of our ship, and I called over my shoulder to Manny, my first mate, "Grab the harpoon!"

  Tune in next week for the quixotic conclusion of Great Lakes Alien Lawman!        

Odds & Sods

Most Americans are unfamiliar with the finely-crafted pop tunes of Andy Partridge and his former band XTC.  If so, it is your loss.  I have been waiting weeks for his new book about songwriting, Complicated Game: Inside the Songs of XTC (9781908279781) 19.95 from Jawbone Press.  If you can, buy five or six of their albums, listen to them 15 to 20 times each, and then, you'll understand my passion for this band . . .

Easter is nearly upon us, and I can't wait to dig into Grandma Mary's succulent ham this Sunday.  The crew at Partners would like to wish everyone a safe and Happy Easter!