Ye Olde Partners
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*A Collection of
Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"I went to
the bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she
told me, it would defeat the purpose . . ."
--George Carlin
Dearest Mick--
Chip, my loyal manservant, and I
had just returned to Napoli from our philanthropic visit to the campus of my
alma mater, Dartmouth College, when we stumbled upon your package at the front
gate of my palatial estate. (Actually, Chip stumbled over it. I, of
course, was on my hover round.) The unofficial mascot of Dartmouth, Keggy
the Keg, had been stolen once again, so I had contributed the money to make a
new costume. Keggy the Keg Mark III will be a cyborg with artificial
intelligence comparable to most college students, and he will cost almost as
much as a student's tuition to construct.
As for your book package, the
first book Chip plucked from your box was Elena Ferrante's My Brilliant
Friend (9781609450786) 17.00. I could almost see the
gears in your brain whirling as you connected my current place of residence
with this title. If I had a nickel for every time someone recommended her
book to me, I would be a millionaire. Oh wait, I already am!
I see you also sent a copy of Breakdown
(9780345541406) 28.95 by Jonathan Kellerman. As you well know, Chip
is more the action / suspense maven than I. However, you may not be aware
that I played the maracas on the Alan Parsons Project song 'Breakdown.'
Interesting story, I had stopped by Abbey Road to visit the members of
Pink Floyd while they were recording 'Wish You Were Here.' In the
adjacent studio, I ran into Alan's band mate Eric Woolfson who asked if I would
sit in on the 'I Robot' sessions since he knew I was a world-renown maracas
player. The rest, as they say, is history.
When Chip pulled Nicholas Sparks'
The Choice (9781455588992) 15.99 from your box, we both tittered.
I know there is a new cinematic feature based on this book, but I assumed it
was an attempt at humor on your part. Well played. Of course, we
then argued whether it was Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds who had their big
break in the movie based on Sparks' The Notebook (9781455582877)
8.00. (I was right -- it was Gosling.) I have met both of these
young lads, mind you not at the same time, and they do have an uncanny
resemblance to each other. Chip called them doppelgangers.
Lastly, I see you slipped in a
copy of Quotations from Chairman Trump (9780795348211) 14.99. It
was nice to relive those days of mirth once again. I'm sure I've already
regaled you with all my Donald interactions over the years, so I will not
repeat them here. As always, thanks for the gift package; I imagine it
will be better than the one I will receive at the Oscars this year.
Warmest
Regards,
Sir Charles
Edmund Wilson III
Odds
& Sods
I'm sure you've
heard the news by now: Harry Potter is back! Well, sort of.
The eighth book in the series will be the script from the stage play, Harry
Potter & The Cursed Child (9781338099133) 29.99. It will release
at 12:01 a.m. on July 31st. It's 19 years later. Harry is a father
of three and he's working a dead-end job at the Ministry of Magic. Father
and son band together to stop evil from the unlikeliest of places. Most
likely we will have to sell it in case quantities to prevent early exposure,
but a store in New York will sell a copy to the New York Times about three days
before it's released. There will be much hand wringing and gnashing of
teeth at Scholastic, but ultimately, nothing will happen. Yea!
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