Thursday, February 11, 2016

Sir Charles Edmund Wilson III

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*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose . . ."
                                            --George Carlin

Dearest Mick--

  Chip, my loyal manservant, and I had just returned to Napoli from our philanthropic visit to the campus of my alma mater, Dartmouth College, when we stumbled upon your package at the front gate of my palatial estate.  (Actually, Chip stumbled over it.  I, of course, was on my hover round.)  The unofficial mascot of Dartmouth, Keggy the Keg, had been stolen once again, so I had contributed the money to make a new costume.  Keggy the Keg Mark III will be a cyborg with artificial intelligence comparable to most college students, and he will cost almost as much as a student's tuition to construct.
  As for your book package, the first book Chip plucked from your box was Elena Ferrante's My Brilliant Friend (9781609450786) 17.00.  I could almost see the gears in your brain whirling as you connected my current place of residence with this title.  If I had a nickel for every time someone recommended her book to me, I would be a millionaire.  Oh wait, I already am!

  I see you also sent a copy of Breakdown (9780345541406) 28.95 by Jonathan Kellerman.  As you well know, Chip is more the action / suspense maven than I.  However, you may not be aware that I played the maracas on the Alan Parsons Project song 'Breakdown.'  Interesting story, I had stopped by Abbey  Road to visit the members of Pink Floyd while they were recording 'Wish You Were Here.'  In the adjacent studio, I ran into Alan's band mate Eric Woolfson who asked if I would sit in on the 'I Robot' sessions since he knew I was a world-renown maracas player.  The rest, as they say, is history.

  When Chip pulled Nicholas Sparks' The Choice (9781455588992) 15.99 from your box, we both tittered.  I know there is a new cinematic feature based on this book, but I assumed it was an attempt at humor on your part.  Well played.  Of course, we then argued whether it was Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds who had their big break in the movie based on Sparks' The Notebook (9781455582877) 8.00.  (I was right -- it was Gosling.)  I have met both of these young lads, mind you not at the same time, and they do have an uncanny resemblance to each other.  Chip called them doppelgangers.


  Lastly, I see you slipped in a copy of Quotations from Chairman Trump (9780795348211) 14.99.  It was nice to relive those days of mirth once again.  I'm sure I've already regaled you with all my Donald interactions over the years, so I will not repeat them here.  As always, thanks for the gift package; I imagine it will be better than the one I will receive at the Oscars this year.

                                                                                                                        Warmest Regards,
                                                                                                            Sir Charles Edmund Wilson III   

Odds & Sods

I'm sure you've heard the news by now:  Harry Potter is back!   Well, sort of.  The eighth book in the series will be the script from the stage play, Harry Potter & The Cursed Child (9781338099133) 29.99.  It will release at 12:01 a.m. on July 31st.  It's 19 years later.  Harry is a father of three and he's working a dead-end job at the Ministry of Magic.  Father and son band together to stop evil from the unlikeliest of places.  Most likely we will have to sell it in case quantities to prevent early exposure, but a store in New York will sell a copy to the New York Times about three days before it's released.  There will be much hand wringing and gnashing of teeth at Scholastic, but ultimately, nothing will happen.  Yea!

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