B. Traven Jr.

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*

"Imagination is the parallel universe of the writer.  If he is not responding to you

in this world, he is probably responding to someone in the imaginary world . . ."

                       --Heenashree Khandelwal

B. Traven Jr. here.  You may remember me as the host of the History Channel's B. Traven Jr. Presents X-treme Ancient Alien Conspiracy Mysteries or for my day job as the Chief Exarch of Media Permutations from the 23rd century.  Ha, ha!  However, you may not be aware that in addition to traveling up and down in time, I can also travel to various alternate universes.  Yes, I know, it's a lot of ground to cover.  Recently, I was puzzled when yet another unpublished Dr. Seuss book was discovered and Random House mentioned they were going to release What Pet Should I Get? (9780553524260) 17.99 on July 28.  I decided to take a little trip to the alternate universe that I like to call Seussland.  (Yes, there is a universe where Dr. Seuss has been crowned World Overlord for Life, and he is still alive through the magic of a variety of unwieldy medical contraptions.) Here goes . . .

I went to visit Phineas Honeydew

He was watching his TeeVeedoo

On it was a movie called Notwork

Howard Beale was doing his spiel

He screamed so loud it made my ears hurt:

Howard Beale: . . . So I want you to get up now.  I want all of you to get out of your chairs.  I want you to upstairs.  Go past the Who-Bubs in the hall.  I know there are books like Knightin-Snail (9780312577223) 27.99 by Kristin Hannah, or A Spool of Hool Thread (9781101874271) 25.95 by Anne Tyler to distract you, but don't let them distract you at all.  Find the pile of wonderous-smelling stacks.  Find Dr. Seuss' books in the breakfast nook.  Grab them and climb onto the Hippo-Heimers' back.  And then go to the toppest blue space!  The official Katroo Birthday Sounding-Off Place!  Come on!  Open your mouth and sound off at the sky!  Shout loud at the top of your voice: "I'M HAPPY AS HELL, AND I LOVE DR. SEUSS!"

 

A million screaming maniacs tossed their books into the air

And without any fanfare, a crinkly light grew in the sky.

I heard a loud POP! and then all their books disappeared!

Where had they gone?  But I already knew and I just sighed . . .

Meanwhile back in Ashland, Ohio, while rummaging through a trunk in the attic and looking for his book, Ready Player One (9780307887443) 14.00 by Ernest Cline, Tommy Smith finds a treasure trove of books that have magically appeared.  He shouts, "Hey Mom, I found five more Dr. Seuss manuscripts up here!"

Odds & Sods

Whoa-nelly!  It looks like we have ourselves a bumper crop of Chiller books for the youngins a-comin'!  In April, Jonathan Rand's new title Michigan Chillers #17: A Ghostly Haunting in Grand Haven (9781893699441) 5.99 releases.  And boy, is it a humdinger!  In May, we have Freddie Fernortner #13: Day of the Dinosaurs (9781893699175) 4.99 comin' in for the youngest sprouts.  Finally, in June, we'll have a release from his most popular series, American Chillers #42: North Carolina Night Creatures (9781893699519)  5.99.  Well, what ya waitin' fer?  Crank up yer speakin' telegraph and backorder your copies today!