*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"It was inevitable: the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him
of the fate of unrequited love . . ."
--Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Channel 13 Community Access TV Presents: BOOK STALKERS
(Camera pans Double D's laundry strewn basement and focuses on
Stoner Bill and Double D seated in overstuffed chairs.)
Stoner Bill: Hey Dudes and Dudettes! Welcome to our humble abode and the TV show Book Stalkers with your hosts, Me and Double D. This week we will examine some of the big titles coming out this holiday season. Here's the Doctor.
Double D: Thanks, Bill . . . And by the way, my mom wants to know when you're moving out of our basement. *crickets* Bueller? . . . Bueller? . . . Bueller? Annnnywaaay, I'm really getting a kick out of comedian Jim Gaffigan's new book, Food: A Love Story (9780804140416) 26.00. You may recall that he wrote the surprise bestseller Dad Is Fat (9780385349079) 15.99 and as Mr. Gaffigan succinctly puts it, 'This book is even betterer than the first book I wroted!' I have to admit it has had me in stitches. And now let's hear the next bestseller pick from the guy who lives under my stairs . . .
Stoner Bill: Hardy-har-har! Although George R.R. Martin's fantasy world of Westeros remains, sadly, unpopulated by Elvish babes, I find myself captivated by the HBO Game of Thrones TV series. And guess what! There's a new book. (Double D spills his bag of almonds all over the floor.) Whoa! Calm down, I'm not talking about the long anticipated sixth book in the series, The Winds of Winter. However, Random House would be foolish not to have some kind of product from the series available, and they do not disappoint with The World of Ice & Fire (9780553805444) 50.00. It sounds pretty cool. Oh, and your mother sounds like that little old lady voice that Jim Gaffigan does all the time.
Double D: Well, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Dude, you know absolutely nothing about fantasy books. Patrick Rothfusseseses' novella The Slow Regard of Silent Things (9780756410438) 18.95 will out-sell Georgio's book by at least 2 to 1. No lie!
Stoner Bill: No way, Dude! And don't be talkin' about my momma!
Double D: (Picks up an almond and tosses it at Bill.) Watcha gonna do about it?
Stoner Bill: This! (He lunges at Double D and tackles him. Blows are thrown.)
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Odds & Sods
Big MAC attack! Stephen Terry's new book, MAC: Campus Life 1900-1925 (9781933272443) 19.95 is selling like hotcakes. Hotcakes smothered in maple syrup and freshly churned butter. Mmmm . . . But I digress, as MSU's football team continues its inexorable run for the Roses, any Spartan book will be in high demand. We have signed copies available . . .
Just in time for Halloween, Jonathan Rand has released American Chillers: Incredible Ivy of Iowa (9781893699342) 5.99. Growing faster than kudzu, Mr. Nelson's bio-genetically modified strain of ivy has a hunger. A hunger for human flesh! Your kids will die to have this as their Halloween treat!