Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology
has exceeded our humanity . . ."
                                                                                 --Albert Einstein

It has been nearly one thousand years since the arrival of the 'Georgian Bug', as was recounted in the Emily St. John Mandel novel, Station Eleven (9780385353304) 24.95.  The lightning fast plague had consequently wiped out the majority of humanity.  The surviving people had reverted to a mostly agrarian society, which was in turn governed by the priesthood of the dominant religion, The Church of Latter Day Winfreys.  We now join the New Petoskey congregation during their early morning prayer service:

"My brothers and sisters please rise.  And with both hands make the symbol of the 'O' and repeat after me: 'Our Oprah from Chicago / you are a blessed prophet / your book club is eternal  /  Give us our monthly read / you are the teacher / we are the students.'  Please be seated.  Before our Lord wiped the earth clean of evil in the great plague, there was a horrible, horrible War upon Christmas in Chicago.  There was a beating of breasts and a childish weeping by men.  And lo, Diane Muldrow issued forth her tome of salvation, Everything I Need to Know About Christmas I Learned From a Little Golden Book (9780553497359) 9.99.  And her words smote Satan and his evil designs upon our most holiest of days!  Repeat after me: 'Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year and all, but there's just so much to do.  Amen.'"

The priestess made the sign of the 'O', fumbled beneath the lectern, and retrieved another book.  She spoke again, "I will now read from the 10th Book of Mitford, Somewhere Safe with Somebody Good (9780399167447) 27.95 by the prophetess Jan Karon.  From Chapter 12: 'He was roaming the store looking for 'O' titles when he heard the bell.  Irene McGraw.  Irene was in her usual garb of pants and cotton sweater, making the casual appear elegant.  He wished he could remember the name of the famous film star people said she looked like, but since he never saw a movie . . .'"

The congregation responded, "Irene, we got your 'O' title right here!"

"Yes, we do," the priestess plucked out another book from beneath the lectern and lifted it above her head, "The Oprah Bible!  It is called What I Know For Sure (9781250054050) 24.99 and it is both wonderful and wise.  We know one day Oprah will send nuclear emissions from beneath the earth and it will cleanse our world. Our souls will rise to the blessed realm and we will embrace our holiest of Mothers, Oprah Winfrey.  Only then will we join her by the lake to watch her TV show and Beloved.  Amen."                   

Odds & Sods

Victoria Brehm's The Women's Great Lakes Reader (9780970260604) 22.95, which has been a staple for bookstores throughout our region for many years, has been unavailable for most of the summer.  Well, fret no more!  We have received a reprint of her book with a new price and it is once again available from Partners.

Back in the day, I would spend most of my Saturday nights at the midnight movie to take in a viewing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  Now you can relive those days with Sal Piro and Larry Viezel's The Rocky Horror Treasury (9780762455195) 27.00.  It's just a jump to the left . . .

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