Thursday, August 21, 2014

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"There's a young girl screaming all the way in the back
Poor kid, she never saw it coming
Now she knows she's been had . . ."
                                                                                 --Uncle Tupelo, We've Been Had

  Hi, I'm Kris Jenner.  I am the matriarch and career stylist for the Kardashian conglomerate, a former TV talk show host, businesswoman, and the showrunner for the 'reality' show Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  And, my friends, I've come here to finally set the record straight.  I am the American Dream.  I started out in San Diego with nothing more than $20 in my pocket and a skin-tight shirt on my back.  I have single-handedly created a fortune that is the envy of everyone.  Of course, this envy has translated into sniping from the press, so I am just asking for the media to stop intruding on our personal lives, and to afford us the kind of privacy that we so obviously desire.  In this day and age, it is so hard to find good wholesome family entertainment, and I believe my stable of shows does just that.  I consider myself and my former husband Bruce Jenner as the Ozzie & Harriet of this generation, and my daughters as an entire coterie of Ricky Nelsons.  To illustrate my family's intellectual prowess, I have compiled a list of books that each of my children are currently reading to share with you:

Kim:  Personally, I prefer to read print books instead of e-books, so when I take a well-deserved vacation on an exclusive beach, other people can see how deep I truly am.  Case in point, right now I'm reading William T. Vollman's Last Stories and Other Stories (9780670015979) 36.00.  With the untimely death of David Foster Wallace, Mr. Vollman has become my go-to author.  There is nothing more satisfying than receiving a full pedicure while reading one of his more playful passages.  I also find his larger books useful when I want to look Kanye straight in his dreamy eyes before an intimate kiss.

 Kylie:  I am so totally into classic movies, so I really like to read the books they come from like Gayle Forman's If I Stay (9780142415436) 10.99, Lois Lowry's The Giver (9780544336261) 8.99 and John Green's The Fault in Our Stars (9780142424179) 12.99.  And of course, I always like to keep a copy of my fashion icon's book handy, Nicole Richie's The Truth About Diamonds (9780061137334) 15.95.  Nicky is soooo talented.


Khloe:  First of all, I would like to thank the people of the Hamptons for welcoming us into their community.  Like my sister Kylie, I really, really love a good movie and good literature.  It's not often you find both in one spot, but I think E.L James has pulled it off with Fifty Shades of Grey (9780345803481) 15.95.  My sisters tease me about The Sasquatch Field Guide (9781937196950) 7.95, but I've found it to be a very useful dating manual.   


Odds & Sods

A local bookstore has alerted me to Brian Jeffs' My Parents Open Carry (9781618081018) 14.95, which they feel was in response to their policy of not allowing customers to open carry in their bookstore.  The book is very hum-drum, but the reviews on are worth the price of admission.  Check it out here:

Dr. Jan Pol is a Michigan veterinarian and the star of Nat Geo Wild's hit show 'The Incredible Dr. Pol.'  His Herriotesque Never Turn Your Back on an Angus Cow (9781592408979) 27.00 has turned into a regional bestseller.  Check your stock . . .

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