Thursday, January 9, 2014

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"Deep in the Hundred Acre Wood,
Where Christopher Robin plays.
You'll find the enchanted neighborhood,
of Christopher's childhood days . . ."
                                                                       --Winnie the Pooh theme song


  Now, Winnie the Pooh, a bear of very small brain, had accumulated a vast diet book collection of nearly every shape and size.  Some of his bookcovers showed buff young celebrities flexing their muscles like Joe Manganiello's Evolution (9781476716701) 26.00.  Others had pictures of doctors with glasses and white lab coats like Travis Stork's The Doctor's Diet (9781939457035) 25.95.  Although Winne the Pooh had known several storks and they had all been remarkably thin, he was quite sure that none of them had been doctors.  He also knew most of these books had surely made promises that they could not keep, but he noticed they had one thing in common: exercise.  Now Winnie the Pooh loved to do his stoutness exercises every single day, but he couldn't find one in these books, so he had had to make up his very own. 


  On this particular day, Pooh had gone outdoors in front of his home, which had a sign in front that said Mr. Saunders, carefully stacked up his diet books, and lifted them over his head.  He had one called Super Shred (9781250044532) 24.99 by Ian K. Smith, another called The Daniel Plan (9780310344292) 24.99 by Rick Warren, and finally, The Fast Metabolism Cookbook (9780770436230) 26.00 by Haylie Pomroy.  He soon realized that diet books were heavier than other books, so a bit winded, he sat down on tree limb to rest.


  Gloomy ol' Eeyore happened by and asked, "What are you doing Pooh Bear?"
  Pooh replied, "Hello Eeeyore, I am resting from my stoutness 'sizes.  I seem to be gaining a bit more stuffed up fluff, and I am beginning to burst at the seams."
  "Humph, stoutness 'sizes.  It probably won't work anyway," Eeyore added, as he shook his head.
  Right then Tigger bounced into view and said, "Hoo-hoo-who, what are you doin' Poohy Bear?"
  "My stoutness 'sizes."
  Tigger screwed up his face in a distasteful way, "Stoutness 'sizes?  That's only for Heffalumps and Woozles."
  Pooh scratched his head,"Whatza Heffalumps and Woozles?"
  "They are crafty creatures.  They like to read those booky things like Everything I Needed to Know I Learned From a Golden Book (9780307977618) 9.99, but most of all, they like to steal honey."
  Pooh placed his paws on both sides of his head and moaned, "Honey?!"
  "Yes, honey," Tigger nodded, "Well, I'm off to bother Rabbit.  Hoo-hoo-who . . ."

Odds & Sods

When I was young, men were judged by whether they liked Mary Ann or Ginger from Gilligan's Island.  In this generation, our choice is between Cameron Diaz and Gwenyth Paltrow.  I'm a Cameron Diaz man and her new Body Book (9780062252746) 25.99 has been selling like hotcakes.  Of course, when I was young, we also wore onions on our belts.  And we liked it.

Congrats to the Rose Bowl Champion Michigan State Spartans!  We will have the commemorative title about their amazing season, Coming Up Roses! (9781597254892) 34.95, in today.  They are short discount (30%) and non-returnable.  
Go Green!  Go White!

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