*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"Koke adds life says the advertising world
Treat me nice -- the party girl
Koke adds life where there isn't any
So freeze, man, freeze . . . Hit the deck!"
--The Clash, Koka Kola
THE CHINESE GORKY PARK
Hey Dudes and Dudettes! Double D and I are chillin' in his mom's basement. I'm crashed on the comfortable couch, thumbing through David Ewalt's Of Dice and Men: The Story of Dungeons & Dragons etc. (9781451640502) 26.00. The Doctor is a tap, tap, tapping on his keyboard. I'm not sure what he's up to . . .
"Dude, have you seen this new geekalicious D&D book? The guy who wrote it claims he's a level-fifteen cleric, but that's not really that impressive."
Doctor Delay stops typing. He raises an eyebrow and asks,"And why's that?"
"Well, I'd say a level-fifteen wizard would make more sense. 'Cuz like Gandalf, they're more into the history of the world and they have magic tomes . . . and stuff."
Double D says, "Why not a monk then? During the Dark Ages, monks preserved a lot of the books and spent most of their lives copying religious texts."
I reply, "True, true. But the monk sub-class of the cleric emphasized hand-to-hand combat more than any of their priestly abilities. They sucked at high level."
"Dude, you're becoming a major distraction. I'm trying to finish my book."
I crane my neck to look at his computer screen, "Sorrrry! I hope you're not trying to write the new Harry Potter because it's already been done. Samantha Shannon is being called the British J.K. Rowling. Her first title is Bone Season (9781620401392) 22.00, and it is projected to be part of a seven-book series. Just like you know who. And it's the selection for The Today Show Book Club."
Double D let's out a long exhaltation, "Dude, it's nothing like that."
I'm gathering steam, "How about Star Wars? There's that new William Shakespeare's Star Wars (9781594746376) 14.95 by Ian Doescher, which is pretty fun. Or something along the lines of that Angleberger dude and The Surprise Attack of Jabba the Puppett (9781419708589) 12.95. Or how about Star Wars erotica? You could do like Fifty Shades of Jedi or Lasers in You . . ."
Doctor Delay purses his lips, "Bill, I'm sure there are plenty of Star Wars erotica fan fiction web sites out there. I'm going in a completely different direction."
"Okay, how about this? I have two words for you: James Patterson. He's got like this whole stable of writers. James has only got a few books out right now. I believe he has The Mistress (9780316211079) 28.00, Daniel X: Armageddon (9780316101776) 8.00, Alex Cross Run (9781455521500) 15.00, Witch & Wizard: The Fire (9780316101769) 10.00, NYPD Red (9781455521548) 15.00, and Second Honeymoon (9780316211222) 28.00 . . ."
Double D says, "Dude, I'm not working for JP. This is the Chinese Gorky Park."
Odds & Sods
Big news! The web order special that we offered in April is back again for this September. Customers who order at least 50 assorted titles through our web site may take 43% and free freight. Enter '43% and free' in the special instructions box and we'll do the rest. To take advantage of this one-time offer, you must be in good credit standing and it will not extend to any backorders . . .
The long-awaited third edition of Universal Map's Michigan County Atlas (9780762583317) 29.99 is finally here. And remember: Hunting season is right around the corner . . .