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"Girl, it's a hard, hard world, if it get you down
Dreams often fade and die in a bad, bad world
I'll take you where real animals are playing
And people are real people and not just playing . . ."
--The Kinks, Animal Farm

BENJAMIN BUN BUN'S BOMBASTIC BOOK BLOG

THIS IS NOT MY HAT

Jon Klassen (9780763655990) 15.99

The word in the garden is that Jon Klassen's This Is Not My Hat won this year's Caldecott Award. I have several problems with this. First of all, the appropriation of other peoples' goods is portrayed in a negative light. For example: Farmer Todd grows a large volume of produce that he couldn't possibly eat all by himself, so it seems fair that I should be able to take a little for myself. In Jon's book, a crab rats out the tiny fish to the big fish, I have my own crab, or should I say dog. Toby the dog has forced me to relocate from the hen house, to the shed, back to the hen house, and finally, beneath the barn. It's really quite a pain. Second of all, there are no bunnies. I will have to penalize it one carrot. Sorry, Jon.

Rating:

THE ONE AND ONLY IVAN

Katherine Applegate (9780061992254) 16.99

We have a bunch of animals in Katherine Applegate's Newbery Award winner, The One and Only Ivan. There's a gorilla who lives in a shopping mall. Once upon a time, I lived in a shopping mall and let me tell you, it was a horrible experience. Waaaay too many people. There's a couple of elephants. And of course, the ubiquitous canine. But wait, there's something missing. Hmmm, what could it be? Oh yes, a #$%$#@ BUNNY! Sorry Katherine, that's a one carrot penalty.

Rating:

CREEPY CARROTS!

Aaron Reynolds (9781442402973) 16.99

Aaron Reynolds wuz robbed! Instead of a mere Caldecott Honor, he should have won the whole enchilada. His book has everything. Bunnies? Check. Carrots, creepy or otherwise? Check. A twist ending? Check. I laughed, I cried. This was obviously the book of the year. That's it! The American Library Association is getting a very angry e-mail from yours truly. No more Mr. Nice Rabbit!

Rating:

Odds & Sods

Rhoda, who is one of my favourite people in the whole, wide world, has forwarded the list of the 2013 Michigan Notable Books to me, and it's quite an eclectic list. Hurry and check it out before Governor Snyder cuts their funding: http://www.freep.com/article/20121230/FEATURES05/312300074/20-titles-selected-as-2013-Michigan-Notable-Books .

We had Lyn-Genet Recitas' The Plan: Eliminate the Surprising 'Healthy' Foods That Are Etc. Etc. (9781455515486) 25.99 came back in late yesterday. Our stock is selling fast . . .

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"They checked out the data on all their lists
And then the alien anthropologists admitted they were still perplexed
But on eliminating every reason for our sad demise
They logged the explanation left
This species has amused itself to death . . ."
--Roger Waters, Amused to Death

 1) THE REMAINS OF OUR LOVE . . . Detroit is hot. Let me rephrase that: Books about Detroit are hot. Mark Binelli's Detroit City is the Place to Be: The Afterlife of an American Metropolis (9780805092295) 28.00 was one of Publisher Weekly's top ten best books of 2012. He reimagines a Detroit that has fallen down so far that the only place it can go is up. Or as Timbuk 3 might say, "The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades." On the flip side, Pulitzer Prize winner Charlie LeDuff's Detroit: An American Autopsy (9781594205347) 27.95 paints a grimmer picture. Mr. LeDuff, who remains a mainstay on the local Fox-TV affiliate is searching for answers among the ruin and rubble of his hometown. I actually shared several classes in middle school with his sister, who later died from a drug overdose. Speaking from my own experience, I can see he has nailed the feelings of hopelessness and futility that engulfs Detroit like a shabby over-sized cloak on a homeless man . . .

2) THE MOMENT OF CLARITY . . . There is probably not a professional sports team that is more emblematic of its city than the Detroit Lions. They have not won a championship in 55 years. The Curse of Bobby Layne, indeed. However, we have had the Detroit Red Wings to pin our hopes and dreams on. Thankfully, the hockey strike has been resolved. Now our Hockeytown Heroes^TM are back in action, so maybe we can sell a few books. Rob Simpson's The Winged Wheel (9781118144282) 34.95 was a good seller throughout the holiday season and hopefully, we'll see another bump in sales. Also, Dr. John Finley's Hockeytown Doc: A Half-Century of Red Wings Stories from Howe to Yzerman (9781600787713) 24.95 is back in stock. As Kid Rock might say, "I'm in it to win it like Yzerman." As of this past Friday, the post Nicklas Lindstrom era has begun and I'm really, really scared. Please hold me . . .

3) LATE HOME TONIGHT . . . Since Animal Planet's Finding Bigfoot was on at the same time, I missed the Golden Globes this year. It appears that one of the big winners was The Silver Linings Playbook, which was based on the book of the same name. This title sold out on the following Monday, but we have more copies of Silver Linings Playbook (9780374533571) 15.00 in stock . . .

On this day in Byzantine History (January 19)

In 840, the future Emperor Michael III (the Drunkard) was born.

Odds & Sods

Robert Scott's new true crime title The Girl in the Leaves (9780425258828) 9.99, which chronicles the story of the only survivor of a mass murder in Apple Valley, Ohio, has sold out in one day. It should be back in stock early next week. By the way, the author should not be confused with Robert Falcon Scott, who was immortalized in the Monty Python sketch, Scott of the Antarctic . . .

Keep an eye on Caroline Myss' Archetypes: Who Are You? (9781401941086) 24.95, it has been flying out of here at a pretty good clip. "Ooo ooo, ooo ooo, I really wanta know! Whooo are you?"

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"I guess all this history is just a mystery to me,
One more worried whisper right in my ear . . ."
--Wilco, Hotel Arizona

THE SECOND MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD
by Cub Reporter Ranay Saltz

I'm currently on the set with B. Traven Jr., who I find is shooting his latest commercial for a popular line of beer before our interview. Here he is in action:

"Hello, I'm B. Traven Jr. and when I'm not searching for alien artifacts at Pumapunku or expounding on the veracity of alien-human hybrids planted in the government by the Blue Helmets on The Alex Jones Show, I enjoy a nice cold Colt .45. It's smooooooothalicious . . ."

The director yells, "Cut! Print! Aaaaaaand that's a wrap!"

B. Traven Jr. notices me and ambles over with a grin. He's balding but looks very fit for a man who appears to be at the north end of his fifties.

Ranay: B. Traven. (I shake his hand.) I'm Ranay Saltz from the internet site Conspiracy Nutz. I'm so glad you could join me for an interview.

B. Traven Jr: Any time, Ranay. (He motions to a couple of chairs.) Here, take a seat. I could use a break from saving the world from alien domination. Ha, ha!

Ranay: I'm sure our readers are curious about what you're reading.

B. Traven Jr: Well, you know what they say about curosity and cats. Ha, ha! I'm just finishing Lawrence Wright's Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief (9780307700667) 28.95. It doesn't go on sale until tomorrow, but boy, what an eye opener. Mr. Wright, who wrote the 'bible' on 9/11, had won the Pulitizer Prize for The Looming Tower (9781400030842) 17.00. His research is meticulous, and as soon as I heard that the 'Church of Scientology' had quashed this title in the UK, I just knew I had to get my hands on it. I also have David Walsh's Seven Deadly Sins (9781476737119) 27.00, which is about the Lance Armstrong doping scandal. I really admire Mr. Walsh. Thirteen years ago, he was the first reporter to pursue the unpopular allegations against the cyclist and he was basically ostrasized by the media. It appears he was vindicated. Ha, ha!

Ranay: My next question wasn't vetted by your PR people, but this video has been making the rounds on the internet and I wanted to ask you about it. It shows a velociraptor crunching on an indeterminate electronic device and then you appear to be firing -- for lack of a better term -- a raygun at it. Care to comment?

Odds & Sods

It has been six long years since George Saunders' last collection of short stories, and from our sales on Tenth of December (9780812993806) 26.00, it looks like NPR has done a great job of getting the word out. There are not many virtuosos who specialize in the short story form; he is one of the few . . .

Chris Ware's Building Stories (9780375424335) 50.00 is finally back in stock. It is a bit pricey, but just about everyone ran out of it before the holidays, and I'm sure that there are customers who are still looking for it . . .

The National Book Critics Circle book award nominees were announced yesterday. Here's the link:
http://bookcritics.org .

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"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out . . ."
--Anonymous

Editors' Note: David Wong has been wronged. In the previous Partners Page, B. Traven Jr. highlighted David Wong's This Book is Full of Spiders (9780312546342) 25.99 as his choice for the winner of The B. Traven Award in the children's category. I have been informed that this is not a children's title. In fact with its surfeit of R-rated humor and graphic horror scenes, a reader could not possibly find a less kid friendly title than this book. In all fairness, one can only surmise what type of insane, demented tomes that Mr. Traven would classify as a children's title and then share with his little B. Travens. This is yet another example of why book reviews should not be tackled by amateurs, but instead should be left to professionals like . . .

THE ALPHABETICAL ADVENTURES OF BIBLIOMAN
(The Case of the Diet Dalliance Dilemma)

I am Biblioman, Defender of Readers Everywhere! With another holiday season under my belt (as well as a large quantity of ham, turkey, chocolate candy, and eggnog), I am ready to honor my New Year's resolution and I will get back into crime fighting shape for the upcoming year. Spandex can be very unforgiving . . .

So let me pop the lock on my hermetrically sealed titanium bookbag, reach in here and see what my local bookseller has picked out for me from the wild and woolly world of dieting:

Dr. Ian Smith's Shred: The Revolutionary Diet (9781250035868) 24.99
I wonder if he is any relation to Dr. Zachary Smith from Lost in Space? *Looks at cover* Definitely not, but he has the physique that I'm striving for. It's a maybe.

Lyn-Genet Recitas' The Plan: Etc. (9781455515486) 25.99
Well, first of all, what kind of name is that? It does not sound very American to me. She's not a doctor and she's involved in that holistic mumbo-jumbo. Next.

Dave Zinczenko & Peter Moore's The 8 Hour Diet (9781609615901) 26.99
Hmmm, neither author is a doctor, but they were both editors at Men's Health, which sounds like a very manly publication. I think we have a winner.

There are also the old standbys in here, including: Vaccariello's The Digest Diet (9781606525432) 24.99, Loren Cordain's The Paleo Diet (9780470913024) 14.95, and Pierre Dukan's The Dukan Diet (9780307887962) 26.00. But alas, French sounding weight loss gurus, I have made my choice and as a 'True American' there will be no flip-flopping. Evil-doers everywhere beware! The new and improved Biblioman is on the case!

Odds & Sods

If I had exchanged a Christmas gift with my youngest brother this year, I would have bought him Adam Makos' A Higher Call (9780425252864) 26.95. It is a true WWII story in the vein of Laura Hillenbrand's Unbroken (9781400064168) 27.00. He would have loved it.

With Black History Month right around the corner, Charles R. Smith's children's title Brick By Brick (9780061920820) 17.99 recounts how slaves were involved in the building of the White House. With the money earned from their work, some slaves were able to later purchase their freedom. Also, I would recommend Linda Tarrant-Reid's Discovering Black America (9780810970984) 29.95.

Happy bookselling!

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"I think this is irresponsible preaching and very dangerous, and especially when slanted towards children, I think its totally irresponsible, because I see nothing biblical that points up to our being in the last days, and I think its an outrageous thing to do, and a lot of people are making a living -- they've been making a living for 2,000 years -- preaching that we're in the last days . . ."
--Charles M. Schulz

A man in a trenchcoat and a beaten fedora stood beneath a lone streetlight. The light flickered on and off randomly, like a bug zapper on the fritz. As the man began to slide the manhole cover over the opening, he stopped, reached inside his pocket, pulled out a book, and tossed it down the hole.

He said, "Hey Rupert, here's a copy of Apocalypse 2012 (9780767924481) 14.95. Enjoy! It'll give you something to do until the police get here. Ha, ha!"

He reached into another pocket and retrieved an electronic gadget that was a tangle of wires and switches. He flicked a switch, placed it atop the manhole cover, and said, "And now a portable force field and my work is done. Ha, ha!"

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

B. Traven Jr. here. You may remember me from Scott Wolter's new History Channel show America Unearthed or as the uncredited co-author of his book, The Kensington Runestone (9781581755626) 29.95. However, what I like to do most of all -- when I'm not thwarting the apocalyptic schemes of criminal masterminds -- is enjoy a good, quirky read.

It is the beginning of the year, and major media outlets are awash in their lists that highlight the best books of the previous year. I have decided to create my own annual award for the best bizarre book title of the year: The B. Traven Awards. Here are the inaugural winners:

FICTION

Jonas Jonasson's The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared (9781401324643) 15.99

A worldwide bestseller, Jonas has proven that the Swedes can write humor as well as the ubiquitous grim murder mysteries.

NON-FICTION

Peter Trachtenberg's Another Insane Devotion (9780738215266) 24.00

Mr. Trachtenberg's love of cats is his insane devotion. This is the perfect book for your crazy aunt who has thirty cats, who will die, and then will be found weeks later . . . and I suspect you know how this ends.

CHILDRENS

David Wong's This Book is Full of Spiders (9780312546342) 25.99

Invisible spiders crawling into people's brains AND turning them into zombies! Sounds like just another day at the office for me. Ha, ha!


Odds & Sods

Not only did my brother share the flu bug with me over New Years, but I did get the opportunity to see what books he bought his fiancee. They were Bill O'Reilly's Killing Kennedy (9780805096668) 28.00, Caroline Kennedy's Listening In (9781401324568) 40.00, and Kitty Kelley's Capturing Camelot (9780312643423) 29.99. Hmm, it looks like I won't be the only Kennedy fan in the family. I wouldn't have learned that from glancing at her e-reader. And speaking of beloved dearly departed Presidents, we have more copies of Doris Kearns Goodwin's Team of Rivals (9780743270755) 21.00 back in stock . . .