"Weirdness is not my game. I'm just a square boy from Wisconsin . . ."STONER BILL'S WISCONSIN DEATH TRIP
Hours after the fire had been put out by the Racine Fire Department, little pinwheels of dirty black smoke and the stink of burnt plastic still surrounded the melted carcass of the '74 Ford Pinto that lay dead in the ditch. From the skid marks, it looked like the car had careened off the road and had fallen nearly twenty feet before it exploded in a giant fireball.
A Wisconsin state trooper at the scene held a rag to his mouth to keep out the stench and said to his partner, "Lou, there's no way anyone could have survived that. How many bodies do we got?"
Lou replied, "It's still too hot to poke around in there, but I found this near the road. I guess it's a diary. It says Wreck This Journal (9780399161940) 15.00."
He flipped it open and started reading:
My big brother Bill is a big, fat jerk. He's been threatening to lock me in the trunk again. I don't know what's wrong with him. Both the Big Jerk and his dog Lucy are wearing matching Bavarian beer girl outfits that they bought at the National Brewery Museum in Potosi. It's very disturbing. At first, bar patrons would be abusive when they walked in with their matching costumes. But the Jerk soon learned to shout 'Go Pack!' and carry the book Lombardi's Left Side (9780983695264) 26.95 with him as a prop, and then everyone would leave them alone. But seriously, it's still embarrassing for me.
And Double D isn't even talking anymore. While he's driving (which is most of the time), he's wearing one of those hats that holds two cans of beer and you can drink it through a tube. I really don't think this is legal -- even in Wisconsin. Bill and Double D are still on their quixotic quest to visit every brewery in Wisconsin's Best Beer Guide (9781933272344) 16.95. They also want to do Bottoms Up: A Toast to Wisconsin's Historic Bars & Breweries (9780870204982) 29.95, but realistically, I pray and I hope, they won't have enough time to do both of them. And don't even get me started on the copy of Pabst: An Excavation (9780985672508) 60.00 that the Bavarian barfly has been using as a foot rest. He read about it in the Milwaukee Journal, so he just had to have one. I guess the one cool thing is that some of these bars have book clubs. The Rock Bottom Restaurant & Brewery has one, and they're doing the new Oprah Book Club book, The Twelve Tribes of Hattie (9780385350280) 24.95 by Ayana Mathis.
Whoa, I just looked out the window and Double D is driving on the wrong side of the road. Holy crap, there's a car coming right at
To no one's great surprise, Chris Ware's Building Stories (9780375424335) 50.00 is out of stock until after the holidays. We have a limited quantity of this New York Times Notable Book in the stash . . .
Every year there are a handful of titles in the regional holiday catalog that, well, never show up. This year one of them is Linn Schmidt's Grandma's German Cookbook (9780756694326) 22.00. The publisher is out of stock until April. "Das ist not gute Schmidt."
Mike Link & Kate Crowley's Going Full Circle (9780942235234) 18.95 is out of stock at the publisher until after Christmas. We still have copies available. After they're gone, you're on your own if you plan on hiking around Lake Superior . . .