"Twas a cool Yuletide evening, and I wandered the stacks, shelving multiple titles that the patrons brought back. We toiled overtime at our library here, 'cause the powers that be cut our staffing this year . . ."And now the conclusion to . . .
--David Davis, Librarian's Night Before Xmas
STONER BILL'S WISCONSIN DEATH TRIP
Like three bumps on a log, Doctor Delay, Stoner Bill, and Henry, Stoner Bill's younger brother, sat on an embankment overlooking the twisted and tangled remains of a '74 Ford Pinto. It lay, upside down, in a tiny crevasse near a two lane highway. Double D's car looked like Godzilla had thrown it down in anger and then stepped on it for good measure.
Henry broke the ice, "Well, I have a few bumps and bruises, but we survived."
Bill piped in, "Maaaan, that thing is unsafe at any speed."
Double D sighed, "Bill as much as I enjoy your attempts at pop culture references, 'unsafe at any speed' refers to the Chevrolet Corvair and Ralph Nader's book documenting its dangers. In the case of the Ford Pinto, its design flaw was a gas tank that tended to explode upon impact."
Bill began, "Dude, I am so glad that didn't . . ."
" . . . happen."
Double D shook his head, "Whoa, that really sucks. There goes all my new books that I just bought at Boswells. I was really looking forward to reading David Nasaw's The Patriarch (9781594203763) 40.00, which was about Smokin' Joe Kennedy. And now I won't get to enjoy the comedic stylings of Stephen Colbert in his America Again (9780446583978) 28.99. Or my copy of Proof of Heaven (9781451695199) 15.99. That doctor dude had incontrovertible proof that Heaven actually exists. And now I'll never know for sure and it's all your fault!"
"Well, it's not like I didn't lose anything. Jason at Boswells had just given me the ARC for Dick Wolf's Intercept (9780062064837) 27.99, which releases next Wednesday. And you know what a Law & Order nerd I am . . ."
"Oh yeah!" said Doctor Delay.
"Yeah, dude!" retorted Bill. And then Bill lunged at Double D and tackled him to the ground. As they wrestled in the dirt like two-year-olds on a playground, Henry could hear the clarion call of klaxons in the distance.
Henry shouted, "Guys, we should get out of here! Hey, guys!"
They stopped wrestling and the Doctor said, "Dude, that's the first smart thing I've heard you say this whole trip," he turned to Bill and added, "You owe me a car."
Bill got up and brushed himself off, "Whatever. I do have one question for you tho'. What in the hell am I doing in a Bavarian beer girl's outfit?"
Odds & Sods
William 'The Smoking Man' Davis' Wheat Belly Diet (9781609611545) 25.99 has shown no signs of letting up any time soon (especially with diet season coming up), but now it's only going to get worse. His new cookbook, the aptly entitled Wheat Belly Cookbook (9781609619367) 27.99 is here. I'd order a few copies in . . .
Fans of The Wheel of Time series will enjoy seeing this video for the release of A Memory of Light, which features Tom Doherty, Harriet McDougal, and Brandon Sanderson discussing the final chapter in Robert Jordan’s epic fantasy.