Ye Olde Partners
Page
*A Collection of
Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
" Better to
reign in Hell, then to serve in Heaven . . ."
--John
Milton, Paradise Lost
I had chased Rupert
Murdoch and his little puzzle box on foot through the rainy, late night streets
with a blaster in one hand and Clive Barker's new novel The Scarlet
Gospels
(9781250055804) 26.99 in the other. I saw him disappear around a corner
which I knew was a dead-end alley. Finally, my archenemy was within in my
grasp. Oh, and by the way, B. Traven Jr. here.
As I drew up to the alleyway
entrance, I saw a flash of light, I heard the jingling of iron chains, and the
most horrific scream that I have heard in several lifetimes. I stumbled
and nearly fell to my knees from the pure unadulterated agony in that
scream. Up and down and up and down, it rumbled on like a roller coaster.
I peeked around the corner.
Like a fly stuck in a spiderweb, Rupert had been lifted off his feet and was
held in the center by jagged metal hooks and chains. The chains writhed
around him like a nest of vipers. The hooks had ripped into his soft
flesh; blood dribbled down his body and the shredded remains of his
clothes. On the walls, images of books by Rupert's minions had been
etched into the brick and were still smoldering along their red hot
lines. A perfect fascimile of Bill O'Reilly's Legends and Lies (9781627795074)
32.00 was on one wall and directly across from it was an image of Dana Perino's
And The Good News Is . . . (9781455584901) 26.00.
However, my eyes were fixated on
one thing. And one thing only. An otherworldly creature who stood
in front of Rupert, dressed in a gleaming black leather outfit. I believe
Clive Barker described it best in The Hellbound Heart (9780061452888)
11.95: It's voice . . . was light and breathy -- the voice of an
excited girl. Every inch of its head had been tattooed with an intricate
grid, and at every intersection of horizontal and vertical axes a jeweled pin
driven through to the bone. It's tongue was similarly decorated.
It spoke, "Ah, B. Traven Jr,
the illustrious Assistant Exarch for Media Permutations. At last, we
finally meet."
Even though this demon was nearly
twenty feet away, I could smell the acrid brimstone upon its
breath. It was nauseating.
Crap. I knew I should have
read more Clive Barker.
Trying to keep the rising bile
down in my throat, I ventured, "Who are you?"
He answered grimly, "I am
Lord of the Cenobites. And the High Priest of Hell. I had been
summoned by your friend when he opened the box of the Lament
Configuration. And now, he will get what he truly deserves."
Rupert continued screaming, but
now it seemed more like a mere annonyance, like a mosquito buzzing in your
ear. I was growing lightheaded, but I managed to say, "He's not my
friend, but I would not wish this upon my worse enemy. Let him go and I
will see justice done . . ."
As I passed out and slumped down
to the cold pavement, I heard it say, "Sorry, he comes with me. He
will learn to mourn his humanity."
Odds
& Sods
"B-b-bird,
bird, bird and the bird is the word." Spring is here and the birders
are birding. And if you're in Minnesota, the snow will be melting
soon and the bird book that birders will want is The Birds of
Minnesota State Parks (9780975433881) 19.95 from the Minnesota DNR.
Now if you're in Minnesota but not in a state park, and you still want a bird
guide, then I would recommend Stan Tekiela's The Birds of Minnesota Field
Guide (9781591930372) 12.95. Bird!
I was saddened
to learn that John Forbes Nash, Jr. was killed in a car accident with his wife
on Saturday. Mr. Nash was a Nobel winning mathematician, who was featured
in the bio A Beautiful Mind (9781451628425) 18.00 by Sylvia Nassar.
