Friday, December 20, 2013

Ye Olde Partners Page

*A Collection of Antiquarian Curios & Relics*
"Soon, if we are not prudent, millions of people will be watching each other starve to death through expensive television sets . . ."   --Aneurin Bevan
(Scene one:  A stereotypical Mafiaoso leans over a library desk, menacingly.)

Mafia guy:  Hey, li'l library lady, it has come to the attention of the Montague family that you are behind on your payments.  It really would be a shame if some unforeseen 'accident' happened to your card catalogue.

Library lady:  What?  Are you threatening me?

Mafia guy:  Threatening?  I'm just saying you got a nice lookin' Dewey Decimel System here.  I would hate to see them get all mixed up.  Comprende?

Library lady:  Sssssshhhh!

Mafia guy:  What!?  Are you shushin' me?  Really.  Are you #$%#@$ shushin' me?  I come in here tryin' to help you out and you're *&%$# shushin' me!  I'll burn this $#%&% place to the ground!  It'll be a %$#@& fireball!  [He notices a stack of books on the counter and begins knocking them off one by one.]   Oops, there goes Doris Kearns Goodwin's The Bully Pulpit (9781416547860) 40.00.  Looks like I just dinged a corner.  Oh no, there goes John Grisham's Sycamore Row (9780385537131) 28.95.  I am so clumsy.  Watch out below, here comes James Patterson's Cross My Heart (9780316210911) 29.00 . . .


Library lady:  Enough!  Get out of my library right now!

Mafia guy: (Laughing)  Head's up!  Here comes Charles Krauthammer's Things That Matter (9780385349178) 28.00 . . .

 Library lady:  That's it!  [She lays her glasses down on her desk, unties her hair bun, and in one fluid motion she leaps into the air, performs a 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' backflip in midair, and lands behind the interloper.  With one hand she begins to crush his windup and with her other one she begins to snap the fingers of his right hand in succession.  She whispers in his ear.]  Don't *snap* ever *snap* come *snap* in *snap* here again.  Comprende?

(Watch for Chicago Library on ABC-TV this Spring)

Odds & Sods

Former Detroit Red Wing Darren McCarty's My Last Fight (9781600788857) 26.95 will be delivered here on Monday.  Get your backorder in . . .

 Speaking of sports, we have a boatload of Donald Driver's Driven (9780385349147) 25.00 back in stock.  It looks like the winner of the  NFL's Norris division will come down to the final game between the Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers . . .

Errata:  Malcolm Gladwell's appearance at The Michigan Theatre for David & Goliath (9780316204361) 29.00 is actually on January 27 and not on December 11 as originally announced here . . .  

No comments:

Post a Comment