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"When I am king, you will be the first against the wall
with your opinion which is of no consequence at all . . ."
--Radiohead, Paranoid Android

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

B. Traven Jr. here. Please don't confuse me with Sandy Nichols, who is the founder and president of Alien Research Group and a Gary Busey look-alike, he is quite literally out of his mind. Ha, ha! I mention Mr. Nichols because TMZ claims he is an expert on Sammy Hagar's allegations of being abducted by aliens in his new book, Red (9780062009289) 26.99. Sammy said, "[Aliens] were plugged into me. It was a download situation. This was long before computers or any kind of wireless. There weren't even wireless telephones. Looking back now, it was like, 'F***, they downloaded something into me.'" Sounds like somebody has been watching a little too much Stargate SG-1 while hitting the tequila, I think we're all familiar with the SG-1 episode where an Ancient device downloads all of their knowledge into Colonel Jack O'Neill's brain. Sandy, of course, says the exact same thing happened to him. Ooooo, what a coincidence.

There are some charlatans in this discipline, but my good friend Chad Lewis is not one of them. In fact, I have been waiting with baited breath for his new book, Wisconsin Road Guide to Mysterious Creatures (9780982431429) 14.95 and yes, it is everything I dreamed it could be. It also inspired me to pen these lyrics (sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies):

"Come and listen to a story about a man named Chad,
A cryptozoologist, he thought he'd been had,
Then one one day he was shootin' at some food,
And instead, he'd hit one angry Bigfoot dude.


Sasquatch that is, Swamp Ape, Skukum


Well the first thing you know ol' Chad's wrote a book,
Kinfolk said Chad you need another hook
Said Roswell is the place you really ought to be
So they loaded up the truck and moved to Sandy.

Springs, that is, phantom chickens, alien autopsies . . ."

There aren't many books that go beyond the official narrative in Afghanistan, but The Dressmaker of Khair Khana (9780061732379) 24.99 by Gayle Tzemach Lemmon is one of the exceptions. This is one woman's inspirational story that the Taliban doesn't want you to see . . .
Odds & Sods

Liz Taylor is still dead. HarperCollins has moved up the date for the tradepaper of Sam Kashner's Furious Love (9780061562853) 16.99, but not as drastically as originally anticipated. We should have stock on April 19. Meanwhile, our good friends at Triumph Books have put together a retrospective, tenatively entitled Elizabeth Taylor (9781600786655) 14.95 that will be here next week . . .

Cool Kids Book of the Week: Douglas Florian's Dinothesaurus (9781416979784) 17.99, which features his paintings and prehistoric poems is a hoot. Mr. Florian is the same guy who did Insectlopedia (9780152163358) 8.00. And that one is a classic.

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"Kings in their castles wound up in their wine
Drinking their confidence daily
Wish I could be into that peace of mind
Wish I could be into crazy . . ."
--Badfinger, Flying

1) FREIGHTER FUN . . . Alert all your old sea captain customers, Know Your Ships 2011 (9781891849145) 18.95 by Robert Lelievere is now available at Partners. How much would you pay for a book that includes complete data on hundreds of cargo vessels, changes in the yearly shipping scene, and a special section called 'Extra Tonnage' that shows all the port-of-calls on the Great Lakes. $40.00! $60.00! $100.00! Well, how does $18.95 sound? If that's not enough to get you excited . . . there's more. Much, much more. This new issue is filled to the gunwales with photographs from their archives and an in-depth look at the twin ports of Duluth and Superior. Now, how much would you pay? Believe it or not, it is still only $18.95. I have sat on a bench overlooking the St. Clair River and wished I had a book that named the passing ships. If you've been in this identical predicament than this is the book for YOU!

2) IF I COULD TALK TO THE ANIMALS . . . New York Times columnist David Brooks tries to navigate his way through Malcolm Gladwell territory in his new title, The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character, and Achievement (9781400067602) 27.00. He attempts to show through two fictional characters, Harold and Erica, how recent developments in psychology impact on our success in everything from mating to learning to voting. Unfortunately, Mr. Brooks has an agenda, and he seems to cherry pick research that supports his thesis and discard everything else. Personally, I find it hard to believe that intelligence has a 'near zero correlation' with respect to curiosity and conscientiousness. Um, right. We currently have stock . . .

3) THE DIET OF WORMS . . . We have already sold out of Dr. Michael Moreno's The 17 Day Diet (9781451648652) 25.00 not once, but twice now. It's back in stock. This is a healthy diet that guarantees the loss of a pound or two every day, and the good doctor gives you a comprehensive plan to keep the weight off for life, too. And by the way, I'm referring to the 1521 Diet of Worms.

4) DRIVING MR. ALBERT . . . Joshua Foer attended the U.S. Memory Championship and the result was his book, Moonwalking with Einstein (9781594202292) 26.95. Yes, I did say the U.S. Memory Championship. Part memoir, part self-help book, and part scientific treatise, his book introduces us to a man who can memorize 1,528 digits in an hour and another man who cannot remember anything beyond his most recent thought. What was I saying again?

Odds & Sods

I was disheartened to learn the Elizabeth Taylor passed away today. She, of the violet eyes to die for, was 79 years old and died from heart failure. It was certainly a well-worn heart. HarperCollins has moved the release of the tradepaper version of Furious Love (9780061562853) 16.99, which highlighted her relationship with Richard Burton, to next week. I'm sure there are tribute books to come, and I will keep you informed . . .

Sammy 'Cabo Wabo' Hagar's book, Red (9780062009289) 26.99 is back in stock. Apparently, Sammy was abducted by aliens in broad daylight . . .

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"Who does vote for these dishonest sh*theads?"
--Hunter S. Thompson

1) DOCTOR, DOCTOR, GIVE ME THE NEWS . . . National Book Award^TM winner E.L. (Edgar Lawrence) Doctorow was feted by the Michigan State University of College & Letters at The Pasant Theatre this past Tuesday night. Rhoda from Schulers Books was kind enough to invite myself and my beautiful fiancee to attend the lecture and the meet & greet afterwards. Mr. Doctorow's appearance was not merely altruistic. He also has a new title All the Time in the World: New & Selected Stories (9781400069637) 26.00 due out in bookstores on March 22. During the lecture I learned that he's not sure how he comes up with the settings for his books and that he won't mention which young authors he admires. Mr. Doctorow, of course, didn't want to offend anyone by accidentally excluding one of his favourite young authors. At the meet & greet, he signed my Advance Reader's Edition of The March (9780143036661) 15.00 and then proceeded to explain to me how Advanced Reading Copies are made and used. I also thought to myself that it would be pretty cool if he had earned a doctorate and then we could have addressed him as 'Doctor Doctorow.'

2) I CAN'T DRIVE 55 . . . The Red Rocker^TM  Sammy Hagar has a tell-all expose out called Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock (9780062009289) 26.99 that hit the bookstores on Tuesday. We've already sold out, but we're expecting more stock around the middle of next week. Sammy tells the story of his early years with Montrose, his ensuing solo career, his stint as the lead singer for Van Hagar, and finally his happier days as a member of Chickenfoot. He also goes into the story of the reunion tour with Van Halen and 'Diamond' Dave. I've never been much of a fan of his music (except Montrose), but he has always had the reputation of being a straight shooter, so you know there has to be some great stories between the covers. 'I'll get on your bad motor scooter and ride . . .'

3) LOVE HURTS . . . Rob Bell, who some people consider the second coming of Bill Graham, has written a new treatise called Love Wins (9780062049643) 22.99. Mr. Bell is the Pastor at Mars Hill Bible ChurchTM, which is located in Grand Rapids, Michigan. His first two books, Velvet Elvis (9780310273080) 14.99 and Sex God (9780310280675) 14.99 did well on the west side of the state, but his new one has broken out nationally with the help of a recent controversial article in USA Today. Mr. Bell also has written Drops Like Stars (9780310327042) 19.99 for young people that explores the relationship between creativity and suffering, which was recently made available in tradepaper. We have already sold out of his new one, but, God willing, we have just received a new batch today . . .

Odds & Sods

With the start of March Madness, we have two books you should consider featuring in your displays. For the kiddie superstars on your list, I would suggest the audio/book Dickie V's ABCs and 1-2-3s (9780984113088) 14.95 by Dick Vitale. And for the rest of us, there is The Wisdom of Wooden (9780071751162) 22.00 by the man himself.  M Go Blue!

Oprah is taping an episode with the incredibly beautiful Shania Twain on April 28. It will air the following week. The recently remarried Shania will be promoting her new book, From This Moment On (9781451620740) 27.00, which is due to be released on May 3. 'I'm gonna getcha good!'

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"There are cuts for everyone in the new U.S. budget.
Tax cuts for the rich and service cuts for the poor . . ."
--Anonymous

1) DANCE LITTLE SISTER . . . As excited as fantasy fans are that Patrick Rothfuss' sequel to The Name of the Wind (9780756404741) 8.99 has finally arrived with Wise Man's Fear (9780756404734) 29.95, you can rachet up that excitement about tenfold with the announcement that George R.R. Martin's long overdue fifth book in the Song of Ice & Fire, A Dance With Dragons (9780553801477)35.00, will be released on July 12. Am I excited? You bet. This is the best fantasy series since J.R.R. Tolkein's Lord of the Rings, and I'm not one for hyperbole. As an added bonus, Martin's books are getting the little screen treatment when HBO begins airing the TV series starring Sean Bean as Ned Stark on April 17. Beginning with The Game of Thrones (9780553573404) 8.99, each TV season will represent a different book in the series. You can read more about it here: http://georgerrmartin.com/if-update.html . There is also a new 15 minute trailer available on HBO's web site here: http://www.hbo.com/game-of-thrones/index.html . So the next question is: Who here gets HBO?

2) GIMME SHELTER . . . What is it with tigers? First there was Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (9781594202841) 25.95, which presented an easy way to raise your children so that they will resent their parents for the rest of their lives. Now the buzz has switched to a new fiction title set in the Balkans called The Tiger's Wife (9780385343831) 25.00 by Tea Obreht. Belgrade-born Tea moved to the United States at the age of twelve but writes way beyond her years. She was recently featured on The New Yorker's list of writers to watch under 40, and if this debut is any indication, they would seem to be spot on. Keep an eye on this one, it could be the sleeper of the season . . .

3) DEAD FLOWERS . . . Hopefully spring is right around the corner and what better time to purchase What's Doin' the Bloomin'? (9781933272221) 19.95 by Clayton Oslund. His book has become the definitive book on flowering plants in the Midwest. The new third edition is chock full of even more plants, more full-colour photographs, and, of course, some useful 'tips for incorporating native wildflowers into your home landscaping projects.' I don't know about you, but I'm a hopin' to be seein' some bloomin' pretty soon . . .

Odds & Sods

Our good friends at McLean & Aikens hosted Paula McLain, the author of The Paris Wife last week, and apparently a good time was had by all. The Paris Wife (9780345521309) 25.00 has been hitting all the bestseller lists, which proves once again that Hemingway never goes out of style . . .
Speaking of geeks, you might find this article interesting:
http://www.salon.com/technology/gaming/index.html?story=/mwt/feature/2011/03/08  Also, The Dungeons & Dragons Fantasy Roleplay Starter Kit (9780786956296) 19.99 would be perfect for that 40-something geek player in your life . . .

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"Vidi, vici, veni . . ."
--Julius Caesar

1) THE CRIME OF THE CENTURIUS . . . I had the honor of joining former prosecuter, and now aspiring author Marcia Clark at Troppos last night. You may recall that Ms. Clark was the prosecuting attorney in the famous trial with gladiator Orenthalius Janus Simpsonian, or as his fans called him, O.J. It seems like only yesterday that we watched O.J. fleeing Rome in his white chariot with Praetorians in hot pursuit. We heard the grim details of the double murder of his ex-wife and her friend. Finally defending attorney F. Ledo Baleius made his famous quote, "If the glove doesn't fitus, you must aquitus." Marcia co-wrote the bestseller Without A Doubt about the trial, and her first fiction title, Guilt By Association (9780316129510) 25.99, also draws on her experience as an attorney. The food and company at Troppos were worthy of any of Caligula's orgies. Also, the nectar of Bacchus was flowing as fast as the Tiber River. Good times. Ms. Clark's book with her main character DA Rachel Knight will appeal to fans of both Johannes Grishium and Scottus Turowian, so I would anticipate big sales right out of the Augean gates. Her book Guilt By Association will be released in both scroll and palm-leaf manuscript on XX Aprilis, MMXI . . .

 

2) IF ONLY ALL OF ROME HAD ONE NECK . . . Between our illustrious Emperor Caligula subduing Neptune and the nomination of Incitatus, his horse, as both Consul and priest, fantasy fiction has been regaining popularity in leaps and bounds. I read a bit of the fantasy genre myself and I have had several fans recommend Patricius Rothfius' Name of the Wind: The Kingkiller Chronicles (9780756404741) 8.99. The Wise Man's Fear (9780756404734) 29.95 is the long-awaited sequel in an anticipated trilogy. I can assure you that his fans are not going to wait for the palm-leaf manuscript, so order up on this one . . .

 

3) GREAT THINGS ARE WON BY GREAT DANGERS . . . Move over Herodotus, Jeania Auelius has returned after a ten-year hiatus to regale us again with the ancient adventures of Ayla in her upcoming title, The Land of Painted Caves (9780517580516) 30.00. Predating Romulus and Remus, Ayla and her mate Jondalar with their infant daughter Jonayla have settled in with the clan of the Ninth Cave of Zelandonaii. Nobody said pre-history was easy, and Ms. Auelius backs that up with tales of wild beasts, a vindictive hunter named Balderan, and an earthquake that would make Pompeii tremble. I would doublecheck her backlist:

• The Clan of the Cave Bear (9780553250428) 8.99
• The Valley of the Horses (9780553250534) 8.99
• The Mammoth Hunters (9780553280944) 8.99
• The Plains of Passage (9780553289411) 8.99
• The Shelters of Stone (9780553289428) 8.99

It will be on-sale on XXIX Martius, MMXI. Deo Gratias . . .

 

Odds & Sods

 

In Michigan, the piles of snow are turning black and brown, and it can only mean one thing -- it's time for the pitchers and catchers to report to spring training camp. Baseball season is right around the corner (of Kaline and Trumbull). Irwin Cohen, who wrote Echoes of Detroit (9780967757001) 19.95 is also a lifelong Detroit Tigers fan, and he's put together a nice little book celebrating their former and current venues called Tiger Stadium / Comerica Park (9780967757049) 19.95. Go get 'em Tigers!

 

Sleeping Bear Press has had a lot of success with their 'little' book series. And now their latest edition is Little Baseball (9781585365470) 7.95 and it teaches the youngsters the basic rules of America's pastime . . .