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"No one inspired me to write, but writer Harlan Ellison terrified me into getting published . . ."
--Dan Simmons

. . . The Shrike stood immobile on a endless plain of verdant grass on millions of planets in an unending universe. The Shrike was bloody. Once upon a time, I had tried to hang emotions on its silver-bladed chest like medals or badges, but I could no more imagine how it feels anymore than a lowly bug could understand my own . . .

1) THE TERROR (2007) . . . According to the back cover of his new book, 7: The Seven Wonders That Will Change Your Life (9781451625516) 24.99, Glenn Beck is the fourth most admired man in the world. But why stop there? He is a world-reknowned radio and TV host, whose list of awards and accomplishments are much too long to mention here. And dare I say it? Glenn Beck is our 21st century renaissance man. He is equally a virturoso in both the fiction and non-fiction genres. Literary great Brad Thor had this to say about Mr. Beck's last work of fiction, "Glenn Beck has shattered the fiction barrier. The Overton Window (9781451625288) 9.99 is the perfect all-American thriller." And who can forget his brilliant work exposing corruption in our own government with his now iconic title, Glenn Beck's Common Sense: The Case Against an Out-of-Control Government, Inspired by Thomas Paine (9781439168578) 11.99? Without any hyperbole or exaggeration, he lays out in calm detail why the Obama administration is the worst governing body in the history of mankind, or quite possibly any other intelligent race in the entire history of the multi-verse. Co-authored by Dr. Keith Ablow, who is fresh from his stint as John Locke on the ABC-TV series Lost, their new title will be the most important book that you will ever read. I bow before you Mr. Beck . . .

. . . The Shrike sparkled beneath two red suns. The light reflected from the spikes and knives that were liberally sprinkled across its humanoid torso, except of course, where the blood had already dried . . .

2) DROOD (2009) . . . 'A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . .' Oprah's Book ClubTM sold as much as, if not more than, Glenn Beck's reading re- commendations. Her latest selection, the Charles Dickens combo-pack of Tale of Two Cities & Great Expectations (9780142196588) 20.00, was by far my favourite choice. So far, it has been her least popular book club title. I believe there are several reasons for this: a) Mr. Dickens' books are in the public domain. I could purchase each title individually for under five bucks, or I could download them for free from the internet. Or b) Everybody, like me, read them in school. I guess I should give Oprah kudos for trying to educate us.

Odds & Sods

There are a bevy of book releases this week and next. Here's a sampling:

Awakened (House of Night) by P.C. Cast
(9780312650247) 17.99

In Too Deep by Jayne Ann Krentz
(9780399157028) 25.95

The Lost Gate by Orson Scott Card
(9780765326577) 24.99

The Outlaws by WEB Griffin
(9780399156830) 27.95

What The Night Knows by Dean Koontz
(9780553807721) 28.00

Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah
(9780312663155) 14.99

Finally, Fedex is delivering on Friday. UPS, not so much . . .

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"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly . . ."
--Andy Rooney

Dearest Mick--

Chip, my loyal manservant, and I would like to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas. Chip was expecting his YoshibladesTM from the parcel post, but instead, it was your box of Christmas books and presents that had arrived. We were pleasantly surprised by your eclectic selection of titles. Chip poured a glass of 1984 Rouget E. red wine for each of us and then proceeded to burrow through your box.

Chip plucked out Stacy Schiff's Cleopatra (9780316001922) 29.99 from your package. Of course, Chip made a wisecrack about the Queen being my contemporary. That is not true. However, I was a member of Howard Carter's expedition when he discovered the tomb of Tutankhamun. The Curse of King Tut be damned! I have obviously lived a long and fruitful life.

Alex Horowitz's Inside of a Dog (9781416583431) 16.00 was a great choice, too. I took the title literally after watching the TV show 'My Dog Ate What?' Rocks. Coathangers. Glue. You should see some of the things dogs will eat. However, Chip read the back flap and assured me that the book was actually about the mind of a dog. It explains how a dog perceives the world. Mick, you may not be aware but I worked with Cesar Millan for many years on his training methods for dogs. A dog is, after all, man's best friend.

I was a good friend of your namesake. The Mick would do anything for you. He was a good kid. Unfortunately, Mickey had no business sense whatsoever. I really tried to help him out, but it was like beating your head against a brickwall. But I was pleased to see you sent a copy of Jane Leavy's The Last Boy (9780060883522) 27.99. I was one of the 600 interviewees that she met with before writing her book. I am sure it will bring back some fond memories.

I was also a big fan of Jackie O. She was a classy lady. My history with Jackie goes back to spending summers at the Bouvier family estate at 'Lasata.' I believe that she and JFK made an ideal couple. I guess you could say I was way off on that one. William Kuhn's Reading Jackie (9780385530996) 27.95 picks up the narration after the days of Onassis and JFK and dwells on her last years as a book editor. I must admit it brought a tear to my eye.

Happy Holidays,
Charles Edmund Wilson III

Odds & Sods

Hey, how about those Detroit Lions? Two game winning streak, baby! Speaking of Detroit, we're expecting more copies of Dan Austin's Lost Detroit (9781596299405) 24.99 in today. Staying in the Detroit vein, Andrew Moore's Detroit Disassembled (9788862081184) 50.00 is out of stock at the publisher with no expected due date at this time. Also, former Detroit hockey player Bob Probert's autobiography Tough Guy (9781600785627) 24.95 is out of stock although we should have more stock from Triumph in a few days.

Finally, both UPS and Fedex are delivering on Friday . . .

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"The popularity of conspiracy theories is explained by people's desire to believe that there is -- some group of folks who know what they're doing . . ."
--Damon Knight

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

B. Traven Jr. here. You may remember me from the TV show UFO's: The Secret Evidence on your local cable access station, and no, I'm not the bald-headed guy with the goatee. That guy is just completely cuckoo! Ha, ha! I asked Mick if I could sit in for him on the Partners Page this week. Between Wikileaks and Brad Meltzer's new show Decoded, this is such a great time to be a conspiracy theorist. And now we have a book that alludes to the 'Holy Grail of Conspiracy Theories' -- the JFK assassination. The new title is called The Kennedy Detail: JFK's Secret Service Agents Break Their Silence (9781439192962) 28.00 and I think the subtitle just about says it all. I have been waiting 47 years for this book. Of course, if Gerald Blaine claims once again that there was a 'lone gunman' and a so-called 'magic bullet,' I might just go ballistic. Ha, ha!

Now the French haven't had a good conspiracy since the Dreyfuss Affair, which was long before my time, but that hasn't stopped me from enjoying their delicious cuisine. Last year, Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking V1 (9780394721781) 30.00 was the cookbook of the season. This year it is Dorie Greenspan's Around My French Table (9780618875535) 40.00 that is the hot cookbook. It features more than 300 tasty recipes. Nom, nom!

So, was Cleopatra murdered? The Discovery Channel covered this topic in The Mysterious Death of Cleopatra during their Egypt week. Stacey Schiff delves into this and other myths surrounding the Queen of Egypt in her book, Cleopatra: A Life (9780316001922) 29.99. I have spoken with my good friend Dr. Hawass, world reknowned Egyptologist and Master of Egyptian Antiquities, and we are both intrigued by Ms. Schiff's conclusions on her death. Of course, I don't want to make an asp of myself. Ha, ha!

Steve Harvey, who wrote the bestseller Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man (9780061728976) 23.99, has a follow-up called Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man (9780061728990) 24.99. This title wouldn't normally fall in the conspiracy category, but Mr. Harvey is releasing information to women that should require a revocation of his 'man' card. Ha, ha!

Finally, we have the new book, Heaven Is For Real (9780849946158) 16.99 by the Burpo family. Colton Burpo is a young lad who slipped into unconsciousness during surgery and claimed to enter into heaven. He says that Jesus really does love the little children and for the righteous to prepare for the upcoming battle. Of course, it's probably pure coincidence that both of his parents are pastors. Right?

Odds & Sods

Dan Austin's Lost Detroit (9781596299405) 24.99 has been a surprise local bestseller and it is back in stock. Find out what Detroit's landmarks looked like back in their hey-day . . .

I will admit to you that I am not only a Detroit Lions football fan, but I am also a fan of the Cleveland Browns. Talk about a serious cross to bear. And now Terry Pluto has written a book called Things I've Learned From Watching the Browns (9781598510652) 14.95. I can tell you what I've learned: disappointment, heartbreak, frustration, failure, discontent, misjudgment, disillusionment, devastation, false expectations, abuse, traitors and so on . . .

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"You must unlearn what you have learned . . ."
--Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

STONER BILL STRIKES BACK (AGAIN)

I creep down into Double D's dark basement catacombs and I'm overwhelmed with the odor of cheap incense. I peek around the corner and I see Double D sitting Indian style in front of a framed picture of some old guy. The only light in the room comes from a circle of Eat Pray Love^TM candles around the picture.

I'm like, "Duuuuuuuuude, what's goin' on?"

Doctor Delay swivels his head and says quietly, "Hi, Bill, I'm in mourning."

I ask, "Mourning? Is it because former Detroit Tigers and Cincinnati Reds manager Sparky Anderson passed away recently? If so, Partners has a new commemorative book called Sparky Anderson: The Life of a Baseball Legend (9781600785931) 14.95."

"No, Bill, Irvin Kershner, the director of the best Star Wars movie ever, The Empire Strikes Back, died of lung cancer a couple days ago."

In my best Han Solo voice I say, "I know."

Double D looks surprised, "Really?"

"No, not really. I was just imitating that part in Empire when Princess Leia says 'I love you' to Han and Harrison Ford ad-libs . . ."

Double D cuts me off, "Yeah, yeah, I'm familiar with the movie. What's up?"

"Well, I know how you like Oprah, and I thought you might want to hear that she's announcing Oprah Book Club #65 (9780142196588) 20.00 on Monday."

Double D perks up, "Cool. So I guess that means Jonathan Franzen will be on to recap Freedom (9780312600846) 28.00, too."

I add, "I'm thinking so. Also, wha'd'ya think about a canoe trip down the Grand River? I just got this cool book Our Grand Journey: The River We Thought We Knew (9780978505301) 19.99 and the photos look awesome."

Double D looks incredulous, "Seriously? Have you looked outside today? It looks like the planet Hoth out there."

I realize too late that I've talked myself into a cul-de-sac, "As long as the canoe doesn't tip over, we should . . . nevermind."

There's an awkward silence.

Gamely, I continue, "So did you see the new trailer for the HBO series The Game of Thrones (9780553573404) 7.99 by George R.R. Martin? It looks pretty sweet. In fact, it looks kinda Lord of the Ringish. There's no Elvish babes, but whoever plays Cersei looks really hot."

(You can see it here: http://www.slashfilm.com/tv-trailer-game-thrones/ )

There's another awkward silence.

I'm like, "So you wanna watch The Empire Strikes Back on DVD?"

Doctor Delay breaks into a grin, "Duuuuuuuude, get out of my mind."

We race up the stairs and I say, "I call the beanbag chair!"

Odds & Sods

Susan Hertel of Grand Haven is excited about Sarah Kallio's The Stocked Kitchen (9780982356319) 27.00. This is not merely a cookbook, but a cooking system. No matter what the occasion, you will have the perfect ingredients on-hand to make the perfect meal . . .

For our Northern friends, we had Joan Steffend's inspirational And She Sparkled (9780931674839) 16.95 come back in today. And Michael Nordskog's The Opposite of Cold: The Northwoods Finnish Sauna Tradition (9780816656820) 34.95 should be here in the next day or two. Hmmm, Finnish Sauna Tradition, you just can't make this stuff up . . .