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It's not often that I get to break out the 'World's Smallest Violin', but Julia Robert's comments on her acting in Eat Pray Love (9780143118428) 16.00¹ is the perfect opportunity. This is from Contactmusic.com and Ms. Robert's own gaping maw: "But the constant eating on takes took its toll on Roberts, who almost began crying after one tough day on the set. She says, 'I was really hot that day. I was almost in tears . . . It's always the things that you don't think are going to require any acting that required the most acting.'"

Speaking of gaping maws, what the heck has happened to Laura Schlessinger? I don't want get into the political aspects of her recent comments from her show, although I would recommend that she look a little more into the history of the First Amendment since she seems determined to wave it around like a loaded pistol, but I did see a photo of Dr. Laura today and . . . My God, Man! She looks worse than the 'The Crypt Keeper' from those Creepshow movies. I also learned that Dr. Laura does not have a doctorate in either psychology or psychiatry, but instead, in physiology, which is the study of living systems. So she's really no more qualified to dispense advice to anyone than me or you. Alright, on to books . . .

Apparently I have the Midas' touch. Robert O'Connell's The Ghosts of Cannae (9781400067022) 27.00, who I don't believe is related to Jerry O'Connell, and Jon Falk's If These Walls Could Talk (9781600783302) 22.95 are two titles that I've had perched on my desk. We sold out of both of them yesterday. Of course, The Ghosts of Cannae features the Carthaginian General Hannibal's greatest victory over the Roman Republic, and the reviews have been glowing. If These Walls Could Talk highlights the personal stories by Jon Falk, the longtime equipment manager for the Michigan Wolverines football team. He will be autographing at The M-Den on September 2. We should have more stock in a few days . . .

Also, Bruce Cameron's A Dog's Purpose (9780765326263) 22.99 has been flying out of here. There are a lot of similarities between this title and The Art of Racing in the Rain (9780061537967) 14.99 by Garth Stein. Dogs, reincarnation, Incan gold, etc. So this one should be an easy handsell for the fans of Mr. Stein's book. The other title that has been going like gangbusters has been Pat Kirwan's Take Your Eye Off the Ball (9781600783913) 16.95, which delves into the intricacies of football. Ceterum Carthaginem esse delendam . . .

¹ Inexplicably, the Julia Robert's cover of Eat Pray Love is a dollar more.

Odds & Sods

Rumor has it that we will have our shipment of Jonathan Rand's American Chiller #28: Curse of the Connecticut Coyotes (9781893699748) 5.99 tomorrow. The kiddies have been waiting for this one . . .

While our Minnesota friends are waiting to see if Brett Favre is returning, they might want to thumb through Patricia Overson's Minnesota Minutia (9780878393619) 9.95. There are tons of fun facts like: Austin is the home of Spam luncheon meat, and the lift bridge in Duluth lifts about 5,500 times a year. As the Dandy Warhols once said, "If I found my way to Minnesoter . . ."

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"A conservative government is an organized hypocrisy . . ."
--Benjamin Disraeli

B. TRAVEN JR. -- CONSPIRACY THEORIST AT LARGE

B. Traven Jr. here. You may remember me from the television show Ancient Aliens on the History Channel. And no, I'm not that guy on there with the Albert Einstein hair. That guy is a whacko. At any rate, Mick asked me to take a break from investigating the suspicious circumstances surrounding former Senator Ted Steven's death for my upcoming book, The Suspicious Circumstances Surrounding Former Senator Ted Steven's Death. Ha, ha!

The title of Jon Falk's If These Walls Could Talk (9781600783302) 22.95 definitely intrigued me. The CIA has been working on 'Smart Walls' for years, and I thought this may be the exposé that I was waiting for, but instead, it's actually a book about the Michigan Wolverines' football team. From what I gather, Jon Falk is their long-time equipment manager, and he shares some of the 'insider' stories about the Michigan program and their star athletes that go all the way back to the Bo Schembechler era. If you like football, this book is for you.

In my last book Blue Helmets, I detailed the conspiracy by members of our government and the United Nations to usurp control of our country. Gary Shteyngart's new novel Super Sad True Love Story (9781400066407) 26.00 takes it one step further. In the near future, the United States is no better than a Third World nation, crippled by debt and a populace distracted by pop culture. Of course, Bruce Sterling covered this same territory about ten years ago in his book, Distraction (9780553576399) 7.99. However, Gary's book has a great love story in it, if you're into that kind of thing. Ha, ha!

Agates, agates, agates. There seems to be a bumper crop of rock-oriented books this year. Agates were often used by ancient cultures in the art of hardstone carvings. The Knossos site in Crete shows that agates played a major role in Bronze Age Minoan culture, which some scholars believe was the inspiration for Plato's Atlantis. My good friend Scott Wolter has a new book out called Amazing Agates (9780979200694) 9.95. I, of course, am more familiar with his work on The Kensington Rune Stone (9781581755626) 29.95. The Kensington Rune Stone was found in a farmer's field in Minnesota and is purported to be covered with Viking glyphs. Scott is convinced that the Stone is legitimate and that Vikings penetrated as far as the Midwest in their explorations. The other new rock books are: the Lynch's Michigan Rocks & Minerals (9781591932390) 14.95, Kevin Gauthier's Lake Huron Rock Picker's Guide (9780472033676) 15.95, and Karen Brzys's Agates Inside Out (9781891143977) 22.95.

Mick should be back from his alien abduction in time for next week's Partners Page. He should check out this website: www.stopabductions.com . It should help. Ha, ha! And as Bob Heinlein said, "Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny."

Odds & Sods

We have limited quantities on a couple of autographed titles. The two books are Kelley Armstrong's Waking the Witch (9780525951780) 25.95 and Darci Hannah's The Exile of Sara Stevenson (9780345520548) 15.00. Ms. Hannah hails from Brighton, Michigan, so show her some love if you can and carry her book.

Like many of you, I grew up watching Bozo the Clown. And now, Larry Harmon, the original Bozo, has written his autobiography The Man Behind the Nose (9780061896477) 25.99. Also, the guy who played his sidekick Mr. Houdini was our assistant principal in high school. He is the only teacher I ever knew who drove a Corvette.

Cool story, bro' . . .

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"So there's a great life lesson in [Eat Pray Love] for all of us: When this old world starts getting you down, just shirk all your responsibilities and run away, and everything will turn out fine. And if Italian pizza and Javier Bardem are out of your price range, there's always Papa John's and the flirty delivery boy to make your life complete . . ."
--TheOpinionatedB at www.rantrave.com

Dearest Mick--

Chip, my loyal manservant, and I were awaiting the delivery of the new Justin Bieber™ CD when, instead, your collection of suggested reading material arrived. Unfortunately, there was not a Justin Bieber™ biography in the box, so I guess Chip will have to wait on his tattoo. He claims the Clay Aiken tattoo on his arm is lonely and needs a friend. As you may have surmised, Chip does have quite an imagination.

According to your enclosed letter, you said that Stieg Larsson's trio of books, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (9780307454546) 14.95, The Girl Who Played with Fire (9780307454553) 15.95, and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest (9780307269997) 27.95, are the 'hottest things in the universe.' I understand that the Swedish film versions of the first two books are available, so I have asked Chip to brush up on his Swedish. I am not a big fan of subtitles. Speaking of Swedish films, I was cast to play Death in Ingmar Bergman's The Seventh Deal, but I broke both of my legs in a freak polo accident a day before filming was to begin and I had to pass.

Your next selection Sam Kean's The Disappearing Spoon: And Other True Tales etc. etc. (9780316051644) 24.99 appears intriguing. I really enjoyed Theodore Gray's The Elements (9781579128142) 29.95 which seems to be the ideal companion for the stories in Mr. Kean's book. I know my good friend Madame Curie would have relished it. If only she had realized the dangers of radiation. God bless her.

Chip is excited about S. C. Gwynne's Empire of the Summer Moon: Quanah Parker & the Rise and Fall of the Comanches (9781416591054) 27.50. Sometimes he likes to dress-up in buckskin and play the Tonto to my Lone Ranger. It harkens us back to a simpler time. "Hi-ho Silver!"

I see that Carl Hiaasen has a new one, Star Island (9780307272584) 26.95. I have always savored the hijinks implicit to any of Mr. Hiaasen's books. From what I gather, the main character's name is Cherry Pye, which reminded me of that song you used to sing all the time when you were a young lad. I had Chip google it on his laptop and he believes I am referring to the song 'Cherry Pie' by the band Warrant. It does have a catchy hook. Once again, thanks for the books and I hope to see you soon.

Warmest Regards,
Charles Edmund Wilson III

Odds & Sods

Glittering vampires are back! Stephenie Meyer's Breaking Dawn (9780316067935) 14.99 is now available in a tradepaper edition. Anne Rice, the person who we can blame for emo vampires, has fallen back into her pagan ways and is planning on resurrecting Lestat in her next book. I have to admit that I am curious.

We also have the new Thunder Bay Press book, Sooper Yooper: Environmental Defender (9781933272269) 17.95 by Mark Heckman & Mark Newman. Sooper Yooper battles exotic invasive species in the Great Lakes. This is a great book for children to learn about these creatures who endanger the future of our lakes.

 
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